Head vs Heart

Avatar for dustbunny48
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Head vs Heart
5
Tue, 10-21-2008 - 1:49pm

I think I must think too much.  I've been in a long-distance (106 miles) relationship with a man for about three years, and know that he is a good man, loyal, helpful, and caring.  He can be beligerant and stubborn, but what man can't.  We see each other most weekends, but not all.  It's going to be a few more years before we can put our lives together for several reasons:   unemployment is the highest in the entire country and we both have good jobs; we both own homes and now is NOT the time to sell them; I might retire in 2 years, but he is 4 years younger and has no such plans. 


His health isn't good, he is Type 2 diabetic, overweight and on a lot of meds for heart and kidney issues.  My head tells me this is not the best partner to have for the rest of my life, that I will outlive him by many years, will not be able to do the things I have dreamed about doing in retirement, that I should cut out now while I still have the opportunity to meet someone else. 


My heart says we are comfortable when we are together, the sex is good, a "good man is hard to find," and we love each other...


I'm not looking for answers particularly, just thinking out loud.  Sometimes that helps come to a decision and there are lots of reasons I have not mentioned on both sides.  But here's my question to you:  After 60, do you think your heart or your head usually wins?


Barbara


 


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Avatar for lottie77
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: dustbunny48
Tue, 10-21-2008 - 8:47pm

Maybe it is just me, but at 60, the head might win out.

lottie77~~~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2008
In reply to: dustbunny48
Tue, 10-21-2008 - 9:49pm

Barbara,
Glad you stopped by, we always have plenty of opinions to share, just ask.

Health for both of you will become an issue as time goes by. Sex can become non-existent with diabetes. This can happen with any partner, even the dream guy who seems perfect. Is he the kind of guy who will (or can) take care of YOU when needed? How is your health?

What is your idea of retirement - keeping busy or staying close to home? This could be a real issue if you retire before him.

At your age, finances should be right up there with things to consider. I'd never take a chance on my old age security that I worked so hard for.

Comfortable when you are together? Picture 24/7. Beligerant and stubborn is not something to be taken lightly. Maybe weekends might be the best arrangement - LOL.

Jacquie, in mid-Illinois

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
In reply to: dustbunny48
Wed, 10-22-2008 - 3:15am

I think I would rule with my head.

Avatar for dustbunny48
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: dustbunny48
Wed, 10-22-2008 - 11:59am

Lottie said:

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2004
In reply to: dustbunny48
Thu, 10-23-2008 - 2:32pm

Barbara I just read you profile you a very smart lady, listen to that little voice in your head. You have questions about this fella and I am sure he is nice, but I agree with the girls, stubborn and beligerant are not good qualities. How many officers were shot when they pulled over someone for speeding and they were just stubborn and beligerant. Think smart think with you head, I am 68 and I am smarter now than I was a long time ago. Thank god I have a husband that is smart, he is loving, sexy, but if he was beligerant I could not do this, and its 50yrs in March 09.


Your heart sometimes makes mistakes, but you head and as my sis use to say my gut tells me that its all wrong.

Betty L. Keep and Angel on your Shoulder & a prayer in your heart.