What have I done

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
What have I done
3
Sat, 02-14-2004 - 1:01pm
Has any one ever said that or am I the only one? I'm so confused. I love my two dds so much, but last night in the bath tub and was crying and saying "what have i done?' They are so close in age, 2 and 3 and need so much from me. i"m tired, i never do for myself and i feel depressed. every day is the same thing with all the work and no time for me. I just feel lost, like who am I? any body, any body out there know this feeling? Please!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
In reply to: ottovs
Sat, 02-14-2004 - 3:14pm
hee hee, yes, I certainly have! the day i brought my 2nd one home from the hospital i actually sat on the bed and bawled hysterically, saying those words over and over. "what have i done! what was i thinking? i can't do this, was i crazy? omg, can't i put him back in???" so yes, i know the feeling to a t, and i'll bet you money everyone else has felt like that at one time or another.

and that feeling sucks, hard, but look at it this way: this was a wake up call. noone can function if all they ever do is give, that's not how people work, mother or no mother. it's impossible and unrealistic, and it will drive you crazy faster than anything. so it's time to make some changes. the best thing i have ever done for both myself and my bfamily is go back to school. it gives me a couple of hours a week to myself, and more importantly, it gives me a chance for some kind of validation and challenge. when i go to my world lit class and can be part of an intelligent adult converstation, or go to my psych class and focus on someone elses insanity for a change, it's like another world. i love it, and i am a better mother for doing something for myself.

everyone has their own thing that works for them, the gym, going out with dh, a part time job on the weekends, whatever, but everyone here will tell you that you have to have some kind of release or you're going to lose your mind. for me it's school, and i also have a girls night ever other week or so, where i go to a girlfriends house or they come here, and we drink wine coolers and paint our toenails and talk about kids and sex and hubbies until we are sauced. it's wonderful, i couldn't live without it. i'm 100% mom when my kids are awake, but after they're in bed it's MY time, lol.

good luck, i hope you can find a solution :)

clarity

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2003
In reply to: ottovs
Sat, 02-14-2004 - 10:21pm
Don't worry! I know you aren't the only one. We have 2 girls, ages 2 & 3 (16 months apart) and now we have AJ, he is almost 3 months old now. I love them more than anything! It gets very hard sometimes. Especially lately. It has been very cold here recently, so we have been stuck inside. Trying to find things to do to keep them occupied is getting soooo hard! I feel guilty if they aren't entertained, like I should be doing something with them 24/7. I feel like I made the decision to be home, so I shouldn't complain. I know that sounds silly, but I feel guilty when I complain.

Have you tried any mothers day out or playgroups?? Anything to give you even a couple of hours a week of free time? My mom tries to get them atleast once a week for a few hours during the day so I can do something by myself. I would love to do mothers day out if it wasn't so expensive. I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone. The thing that gets me through is I think, in a few years, they will be in school and it will be over. That is such a sad thought for me. Somedays I do think I am just going to pull my hair out, but then I realize that this doesn't last forever. I want to make every minute count that I have them "all to myself".

I hope that helps in some small way. Hang in there! Try to take even a few hours for yourself. It really refreshes you.

Allison

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AJ

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
In reply to: ottovs
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 5:33pm
This time is so short in the big scheme of things, just keep in mind how lucky you are to be blessed with your kids. When I'm trying to get my kids to go to sleep, when they just need to be cuddled and I have dishes to do, my own time to get to, all I have to think of how good it feels to have a warm, cuddly child in my arms, and everything else can just wait.

Remember when the infant of 2 months old was crying often, night waking, I remember saying to myself, what have I done!!! But now that time seems so far away. It's all a drop in the bucket.

Soon they'll be 14 and 15 and won't have anytime for us!

Melissa -

Daniel 3

Joshua 14 months