What have I done
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What have I done
| Sat, 02-14-2004 - 1:01pm |
Has any one ever said that or am I the only one? I'm so confused. I love my two dds so much, but last night in the bath tub and was crying and saying "what have i done?' They are so close in age, 2 and 3 and need so much from me. i"m tired, i never do for myself and i feel depressed. every day is the same thing with all the work and no time for me. I just feel lost, like who am I? any body, any body out there know this feeling? Please!!

and that feeling sucks, hard, but look at it this way: this was a wake up call. noone can function if all they ever do is give, that's not how people work, mother or no mother. it's impossible and unrealistic, and it will drive you crazy faster than anything. so it's time to make some changes. the best thing i have ever done for both myself and my bfamily is go back to school. it gives me a couple of hours a week to myself, and more importantly, it gives me a chance for some kind of validation and challenge. when i go to my world lit class and can be part of an intelligent adult converstation, or go to my psych class and focus on someone elses insanity for a change, it's like another world. i love it, and i am a better mother for doing something for myself.
everyone has their own thing that works for them, the gym, going out with dh, a part time job on the weekends, whatever, but everyone here will tell you that you have to have some kind of release or you're going to lose your mind. for me it's school, and i also have a girls night ever other week or so, where i go to a girlfriends house or they come here, and we drink wine coolers and paint our toenails and talk about kids and sex and hubbies until we are sauced. it's wonderful, i couldn't live without it. i'm 100% mom when my kids are awake, but after they're in bed it's MY time, lol.
good luck, i hope you can find a solution :)
clarity
Have you tried any mothers day out or playgroups?? Anything to give you even a couple of hours a week of free time? My mom tries to get them atleast once a week for a few hours during the day so I can do something by myself. I would love to do mothers day out if it wasn't so expensive. I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone. The thing that gets me through is I think, in a few years, they will be in school and it will be over. That is such a sad thought for me. Somedays I do think I am just going to pull my hair out, but then I realize that this doesn't last forever. I want to make every minute count that I have them "all to myself".
I hope that helps in some small way. Hang in there! Try to take even a few hours for yourself. It really refreshes you.
Allison
AJ
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Remember when the infant of 2 months old was crying often, night waking, I remember saying to myself, what have I done!!! But now that time seems so far away. It's all a drop in the bucket.
Soon they'll be 14 and 15 and won't have anytime for us!
Melissa -
Daniel 3
Joshua 14 months