hate life right now!! this just really

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
hate life right now!! this just really
8
Sun, 02-15-2004 - 9:08am

SUCKS!!!!!! i love being home with ds but things deteriorated finacially the past few mths. mt aunt dies 3wks ago..then dh hits me with the fact his parents offered him a job at their company *before they go public* 2=3x what dh was making and 100,000 stocks for when they do go public. they want him to run a division etc.. so dh is extactic..plus we have to move back to his home state DE (right now we are in CT where i was born and raised and all my imidiate family is) now its not like we are to have to move in afew months etc.. his mother said 2wks to a mth.. we have to be done there.. i have not stopped crying since thursday.. anytime i am alone i ball my eyes out.. if i am round people i get teary and fight it... see the hardest part is having to tell my dad.. it was his baby sister that died//and i am his "little girl"// we love each other trememndously and would drop anything for the other..and he loves my ds so much that when ever he is having a bad day he stops by even if just for a minute to see him to bring him smiles etc. all i can imagine is the hurt in my fathers eyes when i tell him.. the hurt in his heart. yes we are going to have a much better way of life down there..but i in no way want him to ever think that with everything he has done for us and to love us is not good enough and cannot compete with dh family.. i cannot imagine being that far from my family too.. i have a 17yr old brother that looks up to me for advise on everything.. i have 2 beautiful nephews and awesome older brother and sil

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Sun, 02-15-2004 - 2:28pm
I am so sorry that you are having to make such a tough descion.

Is there anyway that you can sit and talk more to your husband about this?

I know you want both, and its hard to choose which one is best for you all, but you will make the right choice.

Good luck and hugs to you.

Mel





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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2004
Sun, 02-15-2004 - 2:51pm
I already posted a reply to this on the Sep.2003 board,but I'll just say here that this is not something to be depressed about!It is a great opportunity!If your Dad loves you he will understand and be happy for you!Besides,you can always keep in touch with phone calls,letters,e-mails,and visits.You should support your DH in this.He is trying to give you a better life,and there are alot of good reasons to make the move.You would probably be very upset with your DH if he gave you such a hard time and you had a great job opportunity that would require a move.Try to see things from his point of view!Cheer up!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Sun, 02-15-2004 - 7:59pm
Iam sorry ,I can only say that if it don't

work out you can move back.

Jas.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 4:55am
It sounds to me like you can see some positives to the move....at least that's something I noticed in your message.

Maybe you are feeling guilt about leaving your dad right now, since he just lost his sister. Don't worry as much about him as you do about yourself. Sometimes you need to put YOU before anyone else, and if this is the best thing for you, then it's the best thing.

If your dh will be making a whole lot more money, would you be able to fly to see your side of the family frequently? Even if you can afford for just you and your ds to fly out to see your side of the family, that would be nice. :)

Try and relax. You're a mom and a wife, not just a daughter. If you're all upset about this, your ds will sense it, and it will make his life harder. Try and be as mature about this as you can, and be a support person for your son. He is depending on you to be strong, so do what you can.

Good luck to you....Keep us posted.

"JanuaryBaby4Me"

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 1:03pm
1st of all - those kids are CUTE, CUTE, CUTE!!!!!

It's going to be ok. 4 weeks ago my dh, ds and I moved 500 miles away from ALL friends and family, due to his job. This was an opp he didn't want to pass up, but here we were with a 8 week old baby, we are both 1st time parents and we didn't know anyone where we moved. We only had a month to decide and move. I cried for weeks because I had never even been out of the state much less moved away from my family and friends. My dad and I have become very close since my mom died 6 years ago and I felt the same way about leaving him. Not to mention this was his second grandson and his other grandson is 25 years old. After ds was born (before we knew we were moving) dad made the comment that 'a new grandbaby was just what he needed in his old age (66).' ~wiping tears~

I want DH to feel good about himself and the life that he can provide for his family and if it means sacrifices on my part than ok. DH said that if I got there, gave it a little time and hated it that we could come back no questions asked. We are here now and it's not half as bad as I made it up in my mind to be. Concentrate on the positive right now: you will have family there, you have a chance for a better life financialy, it will make him happy and feel good about himself, it doesn't have to be forever. Give it a year and if it doesn't work what are you really losing? I know sometimes its easier said than done but i've been there and know what you are feeling. Since we have been here I have talked to my dad and my friends more that I did when we lived in the same state & that was every day.

Be positive and happy for your DH the babies and yourself.

Sorry for the rambling,

Jennifer

Alabama

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 2:09pm
I am just a lurker here but just keep thinking about all the positives. I know it is tough because I left my family a year and a half ago to move 8 hours away. My mom was crying so hard the day I moved that my dad had to hold her up. It was very upsetting but I know it was for the best. Its tough so all I can do is send you hugs.

Stacey, Robyn (4), Garrett (4/5/02)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2003
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 3:10pm
I was just passing through and your post caught my eye. This sounds like a great opportunity! Granted, I would not want to move away from my family, but you DID say that your husband's family is great so what's the drawback? At least you will have people around you that are family. Besides, being a mother to your baby, and a wife to your husband is THE MOST IMPORTANT roles you have. I believe when you took your wedding vows, you agree to put your spouse above your parents. I realize this could be hard on your dad, but maybe he could move closer to you. I'm sure that he will COMPLETELY be supportive if the two of you are so close. Think possitive, you'll get to be a full time mommy. How WONDERFUL!!!! (I wish my husband and I were fortunate enough to have that opportunity)

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 1:05pm

i want to thank you for all being so positive.. i really need some upbeat things to keep me positive on it..