Advice for future SAHM?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2004
Advice for future SAHM?
7
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 5:49pm
I need help!! I'm 23, pregnant with my first baby, due in September. I'm very excited. My husband and I desperately want for me to be able to stay home with our baby, it's very important to both of us. Me especially. I have worked in day care, and not everyone who does is the best person to leave your child with. We won't have any problem affording it, my husband just got a job as a police officer. What I am concerned about is this. Everyone is telling me how boring it is, and how difficult it is. I'm sure it's the most difficult thing I will ever do....but boring? I know there will probably be times when I desperately need someone other than an infant to talk to, but please tell me the benefits outweigh these times? This is something I really want to do, but I feel like everyone is thinking it's a bad idea. Which makes NO sense to me, I think it's important to do what you think is best for your family, whatever that may be. For my family, I really think it's to have me at home. My mother was at home for all five of us, and I can't imagine not being there for my kids the way she was (and still is) for us. I don't want my children to grow up any other way. Am I stupid to let everyone else get to me? I know not everyone is cut out to be a SAHM, but I really think I can do it. It's not like I'm leaving some great career (i'm a legal secretary) but even if i were a doctor, i think i would stay home with my children if possible. I don't understand when people try to make me feel bad about my decision, like I'm "lazy" or something. HELLO.....it's HARD work, right? There's nothing "lazy" or "indulgent" about it!!! I'm thrilled we are able to do it, but no one seems to think it's a good idea.

HELP. Please share your stories about your period of adjustment, going from working to being a SAHM. And please, if I sound at all naive, I also welcome a reality check!!!

Thanks in advance!!

Katie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 6:24pm
It is a tough decision to make. No one can say how you will feel, until you are there doing it. Everyday. I knew going into my pregnancy, I wanted to be a sahm. My dd is almost 9 months old now. I love being a sahm. I have a few friends with young babies who live near by. They have almost all gone back to work now, but there is soooo much to do in the day, that I hardly ever saw them in the day time anyways. It is certainly not boring all the time, but I guess it all depends on your perspective of what is boring!!!

Try it out. If it works for you, good, and if you don't like it, go back to work. The bottom line is that if you are miserable being a sahm, it's not doing any good for your baby. If you need to go to work, you will be happier, and your baby will be to.


Good luck

Lesley

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2004
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 5:06pm
Hi Katie!We are almost the same age.I will be 23 this July!I just had a baby boy on September 1st.2003.My mom stayed at home with me and my sister,so I wanted to do the same for our son.I am glad I made that choice!Yes,it is a slight adjustment,but it is SO WORTH IT!My advise to you would be stay home and don't worry if others don't support your decision!I think that others are jealous that they can't stay home so they try to make you feel bad about it.Or maybe they feel threatend-like they are not as good a parent as you will be.But whatever the reason, do what you feel is best for your own baby!No one can care for your baby like you can,because no one can love him as much as you!As for being bored,yes sometimes I feel like the walls are closing in on me,so I take a break and go to the mall or somwhere with little Phillip!Also my Hubby and I have a date night every week,and go out to eat while my mom watches Phillip.If you give yourself little breaks ,it will keep you from getting bored.As for being lazy,stay at home moms ARE NOT LAZY!Some days I am so busy I hardly have a minute to sit down!There is always laundry to do,meals to fix,diapers to change,the house to clean,etc...I feel like I have a very close bond with Phillip because we are together all day!I wouldn't trade that for anything!(Oh by the way my Hubby used to be a police officer!)Well,congratulations on the little one on the way!It is so exciting!Our little Phillip gives us so much joy.You are going to love being a SAHM,I'm sure! Heather
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 7:22am
Hi!

I have an 11 month old girl and I was just telling my husband last night that staying home is SO MUCH more difficult than I thought it would be. I thought (when I started staying home) that I would be able to start some kind of home-based business to bring in some extra money. Yeah, right! Between just trying to feed her, keep her entertained, clean the house and do the laundry...my energy is totally sapped everyday.

I think that moms who work outside the home just don't appreciate that they get breaks! They can go to the bathroom alone! They can step away from the phone....they can (omg!) go out to lunch or sit in their car alone! Then, they pick up the baby from day care, take her home and Surprise! It's already 6 o'clock and there's only 2 more hours before bed time. I have a baby that likes to get up at 5:30 or 6 and goes to bed at 8pm. With MAYBE two naps, about 1 1/2 hours each. That shakes out to about 11 hours (if my math is right) of constant attention, playing, feeding, changing....god, I'm tired just thinking about it.

But, In the end, I get sad just thinking about dropping her off at a daycare for the day. And that's it! That's what keeps me at home. How could I work if I was crying all day? I feel like crying right now just thinking about it, but I'm pregnant again so I feel like crying all the time... ha ha.

So, to sum up: it's hard, it's boring, it's lonely. But it's also amazing, wonderful and rewarding.

Good luck,

Melissa

Meldi
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 12:26pm
First of all Katie, take a deep breath and relax. This is your decision to make and no one but you and your DH can make it. No matter what we moms do with our time someone will always say what we are doing is not the way to do it. I am a SAHM of 4. I had my first child at 18 yrs and have been fortunate not to have to work. I did go to work at a preschool when my eldest son and daughter were 3 and 5 respectively. Worked for a over a year until I had my youngest daughter. Went back for 4 months when she was 8 mos old. Being a SAHM is very hard work so is being a working mom too. As for being boring, it is only as boring as you allow it to be. I try to stay active as possible. But getting up everyday at 6 am and starting to get everyone out the door to school and work. Then cleaning the house, laundry, shopping and keeping a 4 yr old and 10 mo old entertained until naptime, then cooking dinner and then checking homework. Everything that goes along with being a mom. I would not want to miss out on this for nothing. I want my kids to be able to come home to me not to an empty house or to a daycare setup. That is how I feel about my job as a mom. JMHO. Search deep inside of yourself and make the choice that is best for your family. Do not let anyone deter you from what is best.

Amanda

mohsin6mosiggy thanks to Bianca(volt

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2003
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 10:42pm
Hi Katie.

Yes, being a SAHM is rewarding (otherwise, we'd go back to work, right?). My ds is one year old next week and I've been home with him the entire year. I too was working full time for years. Staying home was a big adjustment. And it still is. I've never worked harder at anything in my life.

My advice to you would be to hold on to your identity and dignity. Many SAHM do not get the respect they deserve. My dh has never gotten up in the middle of the night, never babysat, never taken our ds anywhere, nothing. Try to strengthen your relationship with your dh as much as possible before the baby arrives. Make sure you're both on the same page in terms of your expectations.

Check back here often too. These SAHM are helpful.

Love, N

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 2:14pm
Did ya read the post "What did you do today"?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2003
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 10:20pm
Why do you ask?