I hate this!
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I hate this!
| Fri, 02-20-2004 - 11:00pm |
Somedays, I really hate being a sahm. I love my kids and my Dh. I don't even mind being flat broke as long as the rent and utilites are paid every month. I don't miss working because I'm not qualified for anything besides food service and childcare. Nothing wrong with either of those professions, but I did food service for almost 10 years, and I have done child care all day every day since Sammy was born 6 yrs ago. Anyways, Dh leaves for work shortly after the kids wake up (6:30 am). Sammy dawdles, argues and whines when its time to get ready for school. Ruby (2 on Mar 5) is in her terrible twos. She does what she wants when she wants. I find myself yelling all day because discipline and punishment doesn't work. She is also clingy and demanding. I can't go to the bathroom for 30 seconds without her having a fit. Nothing occupies her for more than 30 seconds. She is into everything and trashes the house to the point I can't keep up. So when she takes her nap about 11:30, I am physically and mentally exhausted. I sit down to watch tv and usually fall asleep and get no housework done. Sammy comes home about 3;45 and is clingy, tired and hungry. Of course if Sammy is getting attention, Ruby demands it. So the house is still a mess and I'm dealing with 2 whiny kids while trying to make dinner. Sammy usually eats well, Ruby usually refuses dinner and makes the rest of us miserable. If she doesn't want what we're having she screams bloody murder until we're done eating. There's no room for a dining room table here, so the kids eat at the coffee table and dh and I eat on the couch. Of course there is food and dishes everywhere. My dh and I fight about housework constantly. I really don't mind doing most of it myself, but I get so overwhelmed and frustrated that its hard to do anything. Sammy really needs to work on academics, he won't work with her and refuses to keep Ruby out of the way. If we go to the bedroom and shut the door, she's outside of it having a fit. He just yells "Ruby leave them alone" from the couch. After dinner we spend some family time, then the kids have baths and off to bed by 8. So now the house is disgusting, I'm frustrated and dh is tired. He complains if I don't give him enough attention and gets torked if I ask for his help. I hate asking for help but I really need it. The worst part is that if I don't clean or demand that it gets done, nobody does it. I have gone on "strike" many times and things change for a week or two. There could be days and days of dishes, dirty clothes and toys everywhere, garbage piled sky high and nobody cares. I expect this of my kids. My dh on the other hand.. My 6 yr old asks to help quite often, but with things she can't do (cooking, scrubbing bathroom etc.) If we tell her what to clean she starts crying and throwing a fit. When she finally starts working, Ruby comes along and trashes everything. If he would take the kids so I could get something done, it would help alot. He refuses to do this because he doesn't feel like it. Oh, and the fact that I take the kids out everyday while he works doesn't count either. It doesn't bother me that the laundry and dishes are never caught up and crumbs and toys are everywhere. I'm just tired of living with a slob. Its rubbing off on the kids and I'm tired of being the enforcer. "Clean your room. Do your homework. Clean up your spills. Do this Do that" nonstop. I'm tired of saying "I can't play with you because I'm busy maybe Daddy can" and he is reluctant to jump in. He is a good person, but he has become selfish and lazy. So I'm overwhelmed and frustrated to the point of being depressed. I can't stand being so miserable all the time. HELP!

Anyway, that's my advice. It may sound corny but it's been great for me.
AJ
I was just like you, many times just so frustrated because I felt like I was the maid instead of mom or even a wife. I became (and still do at times) cranky all the time and nagged my kids to death. My husband finally picked up on my frustration (the tears probably gave it away) and he actually has started helping more around the house, even without asking. I do my best to praise him a lot for his help, because it helps inforce to him how important this is to me.
Another thing you might try is reducing the clutter in your house. Get rid of the toys your kids have abandoned or broke long ago. Also rid yourself of outgrown kids clothing. Put those handy flushable bathroom wipes on the back of the toilet and tell your family to use them often when they make a mess.
Keep your chin up. In a couple of years they won't be so clingy and trust me, you will miss it to some degree.
Mocha
yup my 12 yr dd is a mommy's helper, she goes to people's homes and plays witht he kids and keeps them entertained while the mom cleans, or cooks,, maybe you can find one of them. Also another thing that may help is try after your son goes off to school and your dd is still in bed or watching tv. or just sitting in the kitchen with you, try to cook your dinner then. So that later all you have to do is heat it up and some of the mess is already cleaned up.
and I know we hate it when our little one's want to help it seems to make a bigger mess or it's not done the way ''we'' want,, but I have learned to say so what,, let them fold the towles they are not perfect but ya know what they are so proud of themselves, it keeps them occupied for 10 minutes, and we didn't have to do it,, let them do things too. We all have these days sometimes more then other's,, try approaching your dh diffrently,, instead of complaining to him that he doesn't help, try the nice approach and say hon I know you are tired at the end of the day but if you could take the kids or help woth cleaning up it would help me a great deal,,, sickening I know but it sometimes works,, LOL!!!