sahm bipolar depression (long) advice??

Avatar for genuinelyme
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Registered: 04-03-2003
sahm bipolar depression (long) advice??
3
Sun, 02-22-2004 - 7:08pm
I suffer from depression & anxiety & here recently I broke down & was in the hospital where the DR there diagnosed me as being bi polar. I have 2 daughters & I am a full time sahm. I am currently trying some new meds & eventhough my hubby tells me that he can see a difference I just really feel that I am not getting better I dont know. I had done really well, we just returned from a small 2 day trip just my husband & I where we had a great time together. Our sex life is good, we seem to be talking more & goofing off & laughing together more than we did before. Our oldest daughter is going thru a lot of different stages & had some problems in her school work so we don't know if she is even moving onto 2nd grade now. She can be a great kid, but she can be so annoying & whiney that it's just not even funny or cute anymore. She constantly gives out guilt trips & compares us w/her grandparents (my family) which of course give into her every whim, that's a whole other story so I won't go there tonight! She seems to be doing better now, I don't know. She don't talk much about school or friends, when she does she says that she hates school & has no friends, which by talking to her teacher I know is not true! She seems to want every second of my attn now days & all of my family thinks that she needs counseling & that there is something wrong w/her, grrrrr they are like that!

My other daughter is 15 months old & she trashes the house all day long to where I can't even keep up anymore. How can such a little person create such chaos?! She is starting to just ignore us when we tell her no or show her not to do something. I know that she knows what we mean b/c sometimes she will listen then other times she just gives us this look & does it anyways, mostly me that my kids won't listen to & that is so stressful. They seem to listen to their daddy a lot better! The house stays trashed & I feel like all I do is sit home & clean clean clean clean clean, that's like all that I seem to do anymore! I don't even feel like going anywhere anymore b/c I am so worn out & just feel like screaming most days! Plus packing all the stuff for the kids up in the car then the kids & then packing them out again! The kids fight sometimes & our oldest wants to be mean to her little sister. The baby is starting to hit people now. My husband & I got into a fight today & I got pissed off & said somethings that I totally did not mean & he was upset. He & our oldest are at WalMart now shopping. Sometimes he does really well when I try to tell him that I am frustrated & that we are a team & that I need his help w/the kids & house etc. Most of the time he is great about helping out, but sometimes it's like my words fall upon deaf ears! I want more structure in our home! I want my family to take me seriously & really listen to me, but how do I do that? I have suggested family meetings & everything & we agree then we never go thru w/it, this upsets me, I feel that we are not close like we should be! Today I just lost it b/c it seems like I am so sleepy & tired anymore so I slept some on the couch today & my husband got upset then was mean about waking me up, grrrrrr! I can't help it if I have had enough, maybe he has to, but he should let me know instead of acting like a jerk! I just don't know anymore! I am so confused these days! I don't wanna fight or nag or go off on my family, but it's to that point where I feel like a maid who is only here to service these ungrateful people, baby excluded b/c she knows no better, the other 2 however should!! When I stayed in the hospital my hubby told me that I had a very hard job & that he did not know how I done it, now it's just back to the same ole stuff! I know he works & is tired sometimes when he gets home, but so am I & at least he was out of this house around other adults! Most days he comes in & says that work was slow when I ask him about his day, so why would he be so tired?? These kids are a full time job & the baby herself seems like triple overtime! I suggested that the 3 of us, me, my hubby & our 6yr old hold a family meeting once a wk to talk & check in, you know be a family. I suggest things to do as a family, but then they are like yeah those are good ideas then we never do them, I want that & I think that it would be good for us! We are supposed to take a trip to TN in April when our oldest gets her spring break from school, that will be nice, but I don't know if we can ever pull that off w/o fighting or whatever, I'm tired & I feel that my husband is not really supporting me & being there for me! I am in counseling & he is supposed to start going w/me so we can come up w/somethings that can help him understand & what we can do to have a better marriage, but as of right now my counselor wants me alone. I know that he gets upset b/c he doesn't understand bipolar fully & he wants to fix me & he can't. He has been a good man & stuck by me thru so many things, I have hurt him so badly more than once & he was right there all the time. But I don't understand why things have to be this way for me, why me you know?? It's like I am 2 different people & as much as I love my family sometimes I think of running away! Most of the time I am ok though! I mean in reality I could never be w/o them! Before I was in the hospital I was very suicidal & spinning out of control, I don't want to go back there again, but this one day at a time stuff is not so easy & especially when the people around you cannot understand! Sorry so long, but thanks for letting me vent this, shewwwwwwww!! =D
Avatar for my3girls2001
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-23-2004 - 8:04am

well 1st of all HUGS TO YOU,,,,, and I know this may not be what you want to hear or MAYBE it is,,, but you are ALL completly normal!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Mon, 02-23-2004 - 4:30pm
I am sorry to hear that you are having such a rough time.

I am suffering from depression. I am not sure if it because of the new baby or just because of life in general. So I somewhat understand how you feel.

My husband is gone for many weeks and only home for a short period of time. I have 2 children, ages 4 and 12 weeks, and it sometimes becomes overwhelming to do all alone everyday.

I hope that you feel better soon and that you and dh start having a better relationship.

I know you said that your daughter is acting up and misbehaving, but just cherish the time you have now and give her a big hug. Sometimes its only worth picking the battles worth your time.

Good luck and have a great week.

Mel

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Registered: 11-05-2003
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 1:19am
Hi! My mother is bi polar disorder...... so I know where ya coming from. She was a single mom.....so that made it even harder. BiPolar can be VERY scary. Actually my mother was in and out of the hospital ALOT...and it was REALLY hard on me. I had to grow up early. It will be VERY hard on the kids. Because sometimes you are going to be in stages where it can get really "whacky" and it will scare the kids. I believe you need to talk to the kids about it..especially the older one because if the kids at school find out about your disorder..they could start making fun of her. I never told many people at school..not even some of my closest friends..because I was afraid that they would call my mom crazy and stuff like that. I actually never told any of my boyfriends..My husband is the only one who knows. The disorder can also take a very negative toll on your marriage. That was the reason my mother and father divorced. He couldn't handle it. I'm not saying that you should worry about that..I am just saying that you have to really talk to each other. Tell him you need to talk..and tell him whats on your mind..but dont argue and dont fight. Stay calm! Maybe if the medicine isn't working..you need to talk to your doctor. Maybe you need a higher dose. If you want to talk you can email me at yungnbutifulhotmail.com or if you have MSN Messenger I am under the same name. Or Yahoo messenger is butterflyhugsnkisses2002.

Good Luck

Christy