sahm bipolar depression (long) advice??
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sahm bipolar depression (long) advice??
| Sun, 02-22-2004 - 7:08pm |
I suffer from depression & anxiety & here recently I broke down & was in the hospital where the DR there diagnosed me as being bi polar. I have 2 daughters & I am a full time sahm. I am currently trying some new meds & eventhough my hubby tells me that he can see a difference I just really feel that I am not getting better I dont know. I had done really well, we just returned from a small 2 day trip just my husband & I where we had a great time together. Our sex life is good, we seem to be talking more & goofing off & laughing together more than we did before. Our oldest daughter is going thru a lot of different stages & had some problems in her school work so we don't know if she is even moving onto 2nd grade now. She can be a great kid, but she can be so annoying & whiney that it's just not even funny or cute anymore. She constantly gives out guilt trips & compares us w/her grandparents (my family) which of course give into her every whim, that's a whole other story so I won't go there tonight! She seems to be doing better now, I don't know. She don't talk much about school or friends, when she does she says that she hates school & has no friends, which by talking to her teacher I know is not true! She seems to want every second of my attn now days & all of my family thinks that she needs counseling & that there is something wrong w/her, grrrrr they are like that!
My other daughter is 15 months old & she trashes the house all day long to where I can't even keep up anymore. How can such a little person create such chaos?! She is starting to just ignore us when we tell her no or show her not to do something. I know that she knows what we mean b/c sometimes she will listen then other times she just gives us this look & does it anyways, mostly me that my kids won't listen to & that is so stressful. They seem to listen to their daddy a lot better! The house stays trashed & I feel like all I do is sit home & clean clean clean clean clean, that's like all that I seem to do anymore! I don't even feel like going anywhere anymore b/c I am so worn out & just feel like screaming most days! Plus packing all the stuff for the kids up in the car then the kids & then packing them out again! The kids fight sometimes & our oldest wants to be mean to her little sister. The baby is starting to hit people now. My husband & I got into a fight today & I got pissed off & said somethings that I totally did not mean & he was upset. He & our oldest are at WalMart now shopping. Sometimes he does really well when I try to tell him that I am frustrated & that we are a team & that I need his help w/the kids & house etc. Most of the time he is great about helping out, but sometimes it's like my words fall upon deaf ears! I want more structure in our home! I want my family to take me seriously & really listen to me, but how do I do that? I have suggested family meetings & everything & we agree then we never go thru w/it, this upsets me, I feel that we are not close like we should be! Today I just lost it b/c it seems like I am so sleepy & tired anymore so I slept some on the couch today & my husband got upset then was mean about waking me up, grrrrrr! I can't help it if I have had enough, maybe he has to, but he should let me know instead of acting like a jerk! I just don't know anymore! I am so confused these days! I don't wanna fight or nag or go off on my family, but it's to that point where I feel like a maid who is only here to service these ungrateful people, baby excluded b/c she knows no better, the other 2 however should!! When I stayed in the hospital my hubby told me that I had a very hard job & that he did not know how I done it, now it's just back to the same ole stuff! I know he works & is tired sometimes when he gets home, but so am I & at least he was out of this house around other adults! Most days he comes in & says that work was slow when I ask him about his day, so why would he be so tired?? These kids are a full time job & the baby herself seems like triple overtime! I suggested that the 3 of us, me, my hubby & our 6yr old hold a family meeting once a wk to talk & check in, you know be a family. I suggest things to do as a family, but then they are like yeah those are good ideas then we never do them, I want that & I think that it would be good for us! We are supposed to take a trip to TN in April when our oldest gets her spring break from school, that will be nice, but I don't know if we can ever pull that off w/o fighting or whatever, I'm tired & I feel that my husband is not really supporting me & being there for me! I am in counseling & he is supposed to start going w/me so we can come up w/somethings that can help him understand & what we can do to have a better marriage, but as of right now my counselor wants me alone. I know that he gets upset b/c he doesn't understand bipolar fully & he wants to fix me & he can't. He has been a good man & stuck by me thru so many things, I have hurt him so badly more than once & he was right there all the time. But I don't understand why things have to be this way for me, why me you know?? It's like I am 2 different people & as much as I love my family sometimes I think of running away! Most of the time I am ok though! I mean in reality I could never be w/o them! Before I was in the hospital I was very suicidal & spinning out of control, I don't want to go back there again, but this one day at a time stuff is not so easy & especially when the people around you cannot understand! Sorry so long, but thanks for letting me vent this, shewwwwwwww!! =D
My other daughter is 15 months old & she trashes the house all day long to where I can't even keep up anymore. How can such a little person create such chaos?! She is starting to just ignore us when we tell her no or show her not to do something. I know that she knows what we mean b/c sometimes she will listen then other times she just gives us this look & does it anyways, mostly me that my kids won't listen to & that is so stressful. They seem to listen to their daddy a lot better! The house stays trashed & I feel like all I do is sit home & clean clean clean clean clean, that's like all that I seem to do anymore! I don't even feel like going anywhere anymore b/c I am so worn out & just feel like screaming most days! Plus packing all the stuff for the kids up in the car then the kids & then packing them out again! The kids fight sometimes & our oldest wants to be mean to her little sister. The baby is starting to hit people now. My husband & I got into a fight today & I got pissed off & said somethings that I totally did not mean & he was upset. He & our oldest are at WalMart now shopping. Sometimes he does really well when I try to tell him that I am frustrated & that we are a team & that I need his help w/the kids & house etc. Most of the time he is great about helping out, but sometimes it's like my words fall upon deaf ears! I want more structure in our home! I want my family to take me seriously & really listen to me, but how do I do that? I have suggested family meetings & everything & we agree then we never go thru w/it, this upsets me, I feel that we are not close like we should be! Today I just lost it b/c it seems like I am so sleepy & tired anymore so I slept some on the couch today & my husband got upset then was mean about waking me up, grrrrrr! I can't help it if I have had enough, maybe he has to, but he should let me know instead of acting like a jerk! I just don't know anymore! I am so confused these days! I don't wanna fight or nag or go off on my family, but it's to that point where I feel like a maid who is only here to service these ungrateful people, baby excluded b/c she knows no better, the other 2 however should!! When I stayed in the hospital my hubby told me that I had a very hard job & that he did not know how I done it, now it's just back to the same ole stuff! I know he works & is tired sometimes when he gets home, but so am I & at least he was out of this house around other adults! Most days he comes in & says that work was slow when I ask him about his day, so why would he be so tired?? These kids are a full time job & the baby herself seems like triple overtime! I suggested that the 3 of us, me, my hubby & our 6yr old hold a family meeting once a wk to talk & check in, you know be a family. I suggest things to do as a family, but then they are like yeah those are good ideas then we never do them, I want that & I think that it would be good for us! We are supposed to take a trip to TN in April when our oldest gets her spring break from school, that will be nice, but I don't know if we can ever pull that off w/o fighting or whatever, I'm tired & I feel that my husband is not really supporting me & being there for me! I am in counseling & he is supposed to start going w/me so we can come up w/somethings that can help him understand & what we can do to have a better marriage, but as of right now my counselor wants me alone. I know that he gets upset b/c he doesn't understand bipolar fully & he wants to fix me & he can't. He has been a good man & stuck by me thru so many things, I have hurt him so badly more than once & he was right there all the time. But I don't understand why things have to be this way for me, why me you know?? It's like I am 2 different people & as much as I love my family sometimes I think of running away! Most of the time I am ok though! I mean in reality I could never be w/o them! Before I was in the hospital I was very suicidal & spinning out of control, I don't want to go back there again, but this one day at a time stuff is not so easy & especially when the people around you cannot understand! Sorry so long, but thanks for letting me vent this, shewwwwwwww!! =D

well 1st of all HUGS TO YOU,,,,, and I know this may not be what you want to hear or MAYBE it is,,, but you are ALL completly normal!!!
I am suffering from depression. I am not sure if it because of the new baby or just because of life in general. So I somewhat understand how you feel.
My husband is gone for many weeks and only home for a short period of time. I have 2 children, ages 4 and 12 weeks, and it sometimes becomes overwhelming to do all alone everyday.
I hope that you feel better soon and that you and dh start having a better relationship.
I know you said that your daughter is acting up and misbehaving, but just cherish the time you have now and give her a big hug. Sometimes its only worth picking the battles worth your time.
Good luck and have a great week.
Mel
Good Luck
Christy