Any suggestions on dealing with unsupor.
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| Mon, 02-23-2004 - 6:08pm |
My dh & I have decided to ttc #2. We are going to start trying within the next 2 months. I have a very good friend who has been ttc for years now. She was very happy for me when I conceived dd, and has been wonderful. We have very honest talks regulary, and she has admitted to feeling jealous when some people get pregnant so easily, and it is so difficult for her.
I can understand this, and realize how painful it must be for her to see everyone around getting pregnant. I thought she would be happy for dh & I in our descision, even though it is hard on her. When I mentioned that we were going to ttc, she snarled at me,and said "that I already have 1 child, and she doesn't have any", and "why do people like me take it upon ourselves to populate the world."
It was hard to take, and I understand where her anger is coming from, and that it is not really aimed at me, she is just angry. My problem is, now she won't even talk to me. She hasn't returned my calls or emails. Any suggestions on how I can approach this?
TIA
Lesley

Paige (mom to Harper, John, and Gib)
I would never do anything to hurt her. I certainly wouldn't do anything like flaunt us ttc in front of her. I know that she is really hurt, but at the same time, I think I have a right to be happy. I also thought maybe the best thing to do was to stay low for a while, and hope she comes around, but what if she gets angier and resents me more? It may sound like a really dumb problem, but she is a very good friend, and I would hate to lose her friendship after all these years. I wish she could conceive, and all her problems went away, but I can't make that happen. I feel really guilty because I can have a baby. I see her side, but I see and feel my side as well.
ARRRGGGGHHHH
I have been there for her all the way through, even before i got pregnant with #1. So it wasn't like I already had a baby, neither of us did. It is so frusterating. I love her dearly, and want the best for her. I also want her to be in my life again. I am so mixed up, in agreement, and a little bit hurt! If that makes any sense!!!
Lesley
It's the same when family or friends tell me they had a little girl. I have 6 boys and it breaks my heart everytime I realize that I may never have that daughter I've dreamed of since I was a little girl myself. I think it's the same thing. Nothing can take the place of our dreams, our hopes, our hearts desire... Give her some time.
Let her greive and if she doesn't come back for a while, know that she is still hurting and just needs some space. A true friendship never ends.
Thinking of you
Stephanie
Stephanie
&nbs
You are an amazing woman to have 6 kids... I don't care what sex they are, you deserve a pat on the back for having 6!!!!! Good job. When I look at stories like yours, I feel like my problems are so small. You must have had a lot of challenges. Congratulations, being a mom is hard. You've done it 6 times over!!!!
Lesley
I can understand what your friend is feeling. My dh and I were ttc for years, then got pregnant and lost the baby at 9 weeks. It was horrible. The week of my miscarriage one of my sisters-in-law gave birth. I couldn't handle going to the hospital to meet the new baby and didn't see her for a few more weeks. I did end up getting pregnant almost a year later and gave birth to a healthy baby girl, but those months in-between were so full of tears and heartache that I can't even stand to remember them (the tests, the hoping beyond hope that THIS will be the month, etc.).
So, I agree that your friend just needs space. If she will never be able to conceive then she needs time to come to terms with her infertility. The tears are probably always on the verge of falling because infertility is on her mind every minute. You (without intent, of course) remind her of her perceived "failure" as a woman. Infertility is really all-consuming.
Just my thoughts,
Melissa