Help me talk to DH about staying home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Help me talk to DH about staying home.
5
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 7:44pm

As many of you know I recently went to work at a daycare center.

Dona

Mommy to CJ {03.21.03}& Chantel {08.10.95}  Step~Mom to Carrington {08.12.92}

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 10:50pm
First of all, I would be wary of the "at home business" thing. If they need you to pay ANYTHING to do it, then it is most probably a scam.

Now, the best thing to do is to start making a financial list. Take your salary, subtract all the expenses that you working would entail: gas, wardrobe, childcare, eating out, taxes etc. When you are done with that list, you will probably see that the amount you are making after all that is not as much as you thought it was. Take that number and see if you can cut down on your expenses. Babysitting is a great idea. One thing that is really needed in my area is a "drop-in" babysitter. Have certain hours that a mom can drop off their child with just a call before (or reservations) so that grocery shopping or a haircut can be had! I know plenty of women who do this.

As far as your husband, have you even talked about this to him? Or are you guessing that he would be against it? You need to have a heart-to-heart. Who knows? Maybe he will be so happy. If you will be cooking at home, cleaning and taking care of the house (which is a job in itself), he may be thrilled. If he isn't, then you need to discuss what his problems are. Is it financial? Who knows? But until you both talk about it, you will never know.

And I would councel you to talk now. It is very rude to take a job and then at the last minute cancel. JMO

Ejkdmom Come visit my store: www.leorra.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 12:40am
Hello,

First of all I don't think you are being old-fashioned about staying at home. Both of my Grandma's stayed home with their kids and did well financially on one income. Both my parents and my IL's did the two income thing, opposite shifts with in between care. They are financially worse off! There is not a dollar sign you can place on being home full time, it's priceless. I think most people can live on one income, but choose not to.

If I were in your situation, I wouldn't even start the new job. I'd just say I already have a great job, thanks. Then explain how you've already undertaken this career when you chose the marry him and have three kids. That there is so much to learn and improve upon.

I too have a husband and three kids under 6. My husband is supportive and listens to me. But in the back of him mind he thinks, well my mom worked so can you. So I have to be firm with him about my priorities or else he gets confused.

Good luck,

Christina

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2004
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 7:15am
I think you should talk to your husband. My husband is wonderful about me being at home with the kids. He tells his co workers that he has more money now than when he was single and still living at home. We have checked into me working and it would cost us money to do that. If he disagrees with you, then maybe he should spend a couple of his days off with the kids. Leave him a list of what you would normally do in a day. I had to do that with my husband. (We had talked about me being home from the beginning but his family was giving him a hard time about it. After he was here awhile without me here he stood up to them.) I hope this helps. It's a struggle every day. For me the kids are wonderful it's the adults that make me wary. LOL

Patty

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2004
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 12:48pm
There is NOTHING old fashioned about wanting to stay home and take care of your kids and Hubby.I am very glad that my Hubby and I agreed right from the start that I would stay home with our son and be a SAHM and housewife.I LOVE IT.There is nothing I would rather do!I hope you can convince your Hubby.It is possible to make money doing things from home like daycare etc..I also know several ladies who clean houses for people and take their children with them.That way they make money and have their kids with them all day.I don't know how it is in your area,but people will pay alot of money to have someone come in and clean for them!My DH,bless his heart,works two jobs,one from home,selling on EBAY,and the other at a Dr. office.He is very busy,but he wants me to be able to stay home,and that means the world to me.I sure hope you can work something out with him,because I know how awful I would feel if I had to work outside the home when my heart is here! Good Luck!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2003
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 5:26pm
Well I was watching Dr. Phil one day...where there was a woman on there who wanted to be a SAHM....But..her husband didn't want her too. Anyway..Dr.Phil pointed out some REALLY good points... For example it may be cheaper to stay at home instead of working. For example..when ya work..ya have to have daycare for the kids.....good clothes for the job...ya have to pay for the gas on your vehicle..or bus ticket....plus the wear and tear on your car. By..the time you add all that together..you really aint making as much money as you think you are. For example..if you stay at home..you wont need the "perfect" car. So maybe you can add up the expenses it will cost for all those things...and subtract it from ya paycheck..and show ur hubby.

2nd..you have to watch the work at home things.. Alot of it is bull..a rip off. Before you decide to do that...you need to contact your better business bureau...and find out if the company is REAL.

And if you take of other kids in your own home......then that isn't going to cost you much. You will save on gas for you car...and everything.

Hope this helps

Christy