What is it with in laws????

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
What is it with in laws????
9
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 10:19pm
How come they can easily destroy any good thing about your relationship????

My dh & I have been married for almost 2 years, dating for 7 years, and have know each other for about 15 years.

There were huge issues with his mom, but she came around, and everything was fine. She passed away 1 year ago this coming Friday. Since then, there haven't been any problems, until now. My dh's sister has taken over the role of "mom" She has been calling dh and berating him like he is a school kid, and ripping apart everything in the family. She is rude and offensive, and we respond back to her, she freaks, and throws a temper tantrum and threatns to take her kids away from everyone in the family. I know there are a lot of missing pieces here... I am just soooo mad right now.

She talked her dad into selling the house, which he didn't want, but now he is considering it, because she told him he should. He asked my dh if he would like to buy it, to keep it in the family, and since my sil wasn't interested he offered a sale to my dh. My dh, said we would consider it, and would love to, but it probably wouldn't happen because we wouldn't be able to afford it. She went nuts. Screaming that she was calling a lawyer and cutting us off. Who the hell is she???? It's not her will, it's not her house... my fil offered the sale to her 1st because she is the oldest, she said no. How do I deal with her. As I type this, my dh is at my fil house with sil disscussing this. My fil called last night and asked us to come over tinight for a family dinner since he just got back from a 3 weeks vacation, and hasn't seen us or his grandkids. We said we would bring dinner. Sil called a few minutes later, and said that her husband and kids, and me & my dd weren't welcome, because she needs to talk to "her family" about $$$ .... what the hell???? All fil wanted was to have a nice family dinner, she is such a bi*ch... Am I over reacting? How would you deal with it?

Dh wasn't going to go, but I made him... I wanted to know what the shrew is up to.

Lesley

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 1:29pm
I really feel for you sounds like you have a real problem on your hands. It is terrible that people have to fight about money and try to rule each others lives. I wish I had some good advice for you, But it seems anything you say or do to her seems to just fuel the fire. We are probobly gonna have the same problem when something happens to my grandfather. My dad has a sister who tries to rule my granfather. There was a big blow up and she said she would never speak to or set foot in our yard again. (My grandfather lives on my dads property) However I think if something happens to my GF she will be around trying to rule things. I hate to say that but it is probobly true. Good luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 1:58pm
I feel for you to sweetie. it must be hard..

my fiances mom drives me crazy, she lies way to much.. her nose should be the size of the United states!lol she is not clean so I hate when she comes to visit. But i grin and bear it and love her to death because she would do anything for me. I did have many issues with her when me and fiance broke up, lets just say the cops were involved

I hope everything goes okay with your situation

((((((hugs))))))))
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 3:09pm
I so feel for you. I know what is like to have inlaws butt into personal issues b/c my mother and my dh brother lives with us. Actually my mom does not do it as much anymore b/c I flat out told her to keep it to herself. But it seems that people think it is ok to tell you what to do and how you should do it - the minute the tables are turned you are wrong to be doing it. I do not get it and probably never will. Good luck and just realize that sometimes you cannot do anything but smile and bear it.

mohsin6mosiggy thanks to Bianca(volt

Avatar for lisacolette
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2003
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 8:42pm
Sounds to me like she's moving in for the kill, so to speak. When my grandmother died, my uncles banded together and swooped in on my grandfather, coercing him into changing his will, cutting off my aunt and giving up his property and money to them. He's not going to be around much longer, but no one has any contact with him because of the uncles.

If you think she is influencing him to the point where he might make bad/irreparable financial decisions, I'd get in touch with an attorney to see what can be done. If your fil is getting senile, he'll be easily manipulated and that is dangerous when coupled with your sil's aggresive and dominant personality.

Good luck - you're going to need it.

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2004
Sun, 03-14-2004 - 12:15am
I'm assuming sil isn't dealing well with her mom's death. That doesn't mean she can act like a mean, rude, offensive, boneheaded, foolish, knuckle head. Did you two get along before all of this? I think you and Dh should sit her down and explain this has been tough on everybody, but you don't appreciate they way she is treating you. I know its easier said than done, but someone needs to stand up to her. If you can't face her, maybe you could send her a letter or email. I'm sorry your family is having such a tough time right now. Keep us posted, please! We're rooting and praying for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 1:20am
Thanks for all your posts.

My sil & I got along really well before all this. I have no idea what sent her over the edge, and be so cruel to me & dh. We have tried talking to her, and she denies ever saying anything. Then she goes on rampage of how we are trying to steal $$ from my fil. We have NEVER asked him for anything. After mil passed away, he wanted to give my dh & sil some money, we said no, and she took it. We told him to put it rsp or something for when he needs it (he was off unpaid from work for 1.5 years from mil diagnosis - death, and after for recovering) I am absolutly dumbfounded how or why she thinks we are trying to rob her.

If anything, she is the one who told fil to sell the house, and do certain things with his $$, we had no idea about it, because that is his business. She also went through mil things right after her death, and found $$ hidden in bizzar places, and told fil she would take care of it. No one has any idea what happened to it. We asked her what bank she put it in, and denies ever finding it in the first place. She was the one who called us months ago when she found it, ranting because it was a considerable amount, and what if there had been a fire ect...

If she has started drinking or doing drugs... she's not doing enough. Sorry, I know it's not nice to joke about that, but if she was totaly strung out on something, I could maybe understand all this.

Thanks again

Lesley

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2004
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 10:01pm
No, its not funny, but completely understandable. I think she needs professional help, there is clearly something wrong. I thought you said she had kids, is she unbalanced around them too? Offer support to fil and sil, even though you probably feel like choking her LOL. I would stay out of the $$ matters, unless you think she is stealing from fil. I'm assuming he's an old man, and that's not right.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 12:38am
Hi

She does have 2 small kids, 4.5 & 2 year old. She has always been very strict with them, but she hasn't been abnormal with them lately, just us. I have stayed out of the $$ issues with her. I only talk about it when dh brings it up, and is upset and needs to talk. The weird thing is that fil is only 56. He's not old!!! he just doesn't know anything about money or paying bills, or the upkeep of a house. My mil did it all. Now that she isn't around, he is having fun with money, and I think my sil is a bit freaked out. BUT... I just don't know why she is blaming us for everything. Arrrgggghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for all your help!

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2004
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 10:11pm
56 isn't very old, you're right. Who knows what crawled up her butt to make her so mad at you. Hopefully, things will turn around soon.