How should I handle this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2004
How should I handle this?
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Tue, 03-09-2004 - 10:04am
Every time someone asks what my younger ds' birthday is I get a shocked and horrified reaction and I want to learn how to deal with this before he gets old enough to understand why people are acting this way. He was born on Sept 11th last year.

What I've been saying to people who say "Oh well that's a horrible day to be born" or something to that effect is "Now that day reminds me to also celebrate the people who are still living." I don't know if this is a good response or not actually. It hurts me so much that when he goes to school he'll probably have to endure moments of silence on his Birthday. I remember thinking about this as my labor progressed through the moments of silence. He was born at 1:43 pm.

My family doesn't seem to understand either. They keep sending me Sept 11th rememberance emails. Why they think they need to remind me of all people about this day is beyond me. It just makes me sad. My husband keeps saying well people were born on D-Day and they did ok. My response to that was......our oldest son was born on the day the Titanic sank but how many people are alive to remember it. This is a fresh tragedy in people's minds.

Any advise you can give would be wonderful. I'm just trying to stick up for him and not offend anyone I guess.

Jen

Mom to Sean 4-14-01 and Eric 9-11-03

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 10:11am

I feel for your son.


I sometimes wish people would get on with their lives and be hapy that they are still here and not dwell on the bad things.


Many people die each day in the war going on right now and no one whines about that. It is sad that anyone must die for causes like these.


I hope that your son will be okay with it, and I don't think that his peers will be the ones to remind him of it during his birthday. It will be the adults.


I don't really have much advice, but thought I would give my 2 cents on it.

Mel


Andrew 3-4-99


Dalton 12-4-03

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 11:35am

Sept 11 is my brother's birthday. I remember thinking of him during 'that' day.


I think the previous poster was correct in that it won't be HIS peers that will connect the dates, it will be the adults. And as adults you can start by correcting your family members now.

Posted by:

Rhonda

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2004
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 11:40am
I understand your problem.My son was born Sep.1st.I was sooo afraid he would be born on the 11th!There is nothing you can do about it really.People have gotten on with their lives since that fateful day,but you can't expect them to forget!It would not be right to forget all those who lost their lives.I don't think people mean to offend you or be rude by mentioning it to you.However if they say things to your son ;that would be inapropriate.It is something he will have to learn to deal with unfortunately.It is part of our nation's history,and recent as well,so it is importent that we remember and honour the memory of the innocent people who died that day.When he is old enough you should explain what happened that day,so he will know why people say things about it,and then tell him that something wonderful happened the day he was born and how glad his loved ones are that he was born.That's what I would do.Hope that helps!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2004
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 11:47am
I understand what you are saying but in a way you know how I feel because you just said it. "I was sooo afraid he would be born on the 11th!". I prayed every day that he wouldn't be born on the 11th because of how people would react. My water broke on the 10th. I cried once we hit midnight. I know it's just a day. Maybe I will do what Rhonda said and remind people that Sept 11th is a day and the tragedy is an event.

I understand that we need to remember the people who died but when someone visibly cringes when they hear your child's birthday it breaks your heart. I think that we need to honor those who died by taking care of the ones who are still here.


Jen

Mom to Sean 4-14-01 and Eric 9-11-03


Avatar for my3girls2001
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 12:47pm

PLEASE DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY,, but I think it shouldn't make a diffrence either way, what I mean is,, Sept. 11th of that horrible year was a bad day, but life does go on and we should be able to remeber both. On sept. 11th it was a horribnle day for all of those people that lost their lives,, for all of the people it affected closely by losing a loved one in that building, but by you having a baby on the same date years later means that Life does go on,, and your baby being born is just that,, ''LIFE''!


I think both should still be talked about, and I don;t nessicarly think it's a bad thing to have that birthday. A boy in my daycare was born that day of this past year and when he was born I honestly didn't think oh that poor baby,, I thought how wonderful that life still goes on, and on. GL to you,, I hope you can get past this.

~Kim~,, mom to 3 girls~~
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Registered: 03-05-2004
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 1:05pm
The funny thing is in this house Sept 11th is Eric's birthday, end of story. We still remember what happened in 2001 but it could have happened any day of that year or this year for that matter. What I need help with is what to say to people who act like I just hit them with a cattle prod when I say what day he was born. Their reaction is not something I can control but I need to find a way to respond to them intelligently and calmly so that my son sees that it (I really don't know how to say this). Well I want him to see by my actions that it is not a "bad" day to be born. I don't want the people who will and do react this way to effect him. So I need a little help with a response to their reaction. I don't know if I said that right at all. I hope that makes sense.

Jen

Mom to Sean 4-14-01 and Eric 9-11-03

Avatar for my3girls2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 1:10pm
ah I see!! Sorry about that! Well I guess I can't help,, just have him say my birthday is Sept. 11th, and you can say,, geez I guess you are right, I sat here thinking I could surely type something and nothing comes to mind,, let me think,, GL,,
~Kim~,, mom to 3 girls~~
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Registered: 03-05-2004
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 1:15pm
Don't be sorry I'm having trouble thinking of something to say to people also. I just wish they would smile and say something nice instead of jumping or grimacing. He's going to be 6 months on Thurs so I still have time to figure things out. I guess that's why I want to start now.


Jen

Mom to Sean 4-14-01 and Eric 9-11-03

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Registered: 11-13-2003
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 2:53pm
I kind of know what you are dealing with. My best friend gave birth to her first child on Sept 11 2001. She pushed him out 8 minutes after the 2nd tower fell. She got a lot of that after the birth. People would tisk and look at her like it is the most cruel thing to give birth on that day. She was devastated, it wasn't like she could hold him in until the next day!!!She usually responded to these people by saying that it remindes her of the value of life, and she is going to teach her children that, and every birthday that comes along, she remembers her beautiful, healthy baby, and the day he came into the world ,and that amist tragidy, there is always a glimmer of hope that life is good. She doesn't have too many problems any more, but occassionaly a parent she meets at play group or someone she doesn't really know will make a comment or two, she usually just brushes it off, and tells them life goes on, & she was saddened that so many people lost a loved one on that day, and she was a lucky one to had been given a loved one on that day. It worked for her!

Good luck

Lesley

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Registered: 03-05-2004
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 3:52pm
Thank you so much for your post. It helps to hear how your friend handled it especially when her ds was born on the day of the attacks.


Jen

Mom to Sean 4-14-01 and Eric 9-11-03

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