Slightly Offended

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2003
Slightly Offended
6
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 7:07pm

Okay


So, I'm a stay at home mom in the day, but I work at 5p.m about 30-60 minutes before my husband gets home from work. He's big on this schedule because he does not believe in babysitters, but that is a different story.


The deal here is, that my M.I.L watches our daughter until he gets home, she also watches BOTH of my children whenever it's needed, but we do our best to make sure it is only work related.


The other night she called to let me know that my son had not chosen to stay at her house for the night, and had gone home with my DH instead. She then proceeded to comment on my house, and how it was getting messy.


I almost hung up, my first initial re-action was to hang up the phone. This comment was only something my mother would make, my mother, the Donna Reed of now, everything in her house is PICTURE perfect, BUT, she no longer has two small children (1 infant 1) 5 year old and a dog, not to mention a husband, but he isn't that sloppy) The fact that she was capable of keeping such a clean house when we were small was because she focused on the house instead of us.


Anyway,


I took a deep breath and told her, that I had I hurt my back about a week and a half ago, and had been taking a muscle relaxer, the pain alone made it hard enough to keep up with the messes, but the muscle relaxer just made it hard for me to "keep up" at all.


She was really only bothered by the sticky finger prints on our glass coffee table (courtesy of my mother) and the TV, and the pile of newspapers in the corner by the door. But she made it sound like my house looked horrendous, when I knew better.


She then re-iterated (is that the right word?) her opinion, and wanted me to know that she would gladly take the baby for a day if I needed time to tackle my house. She just wanted me to know that she was there.


I thanked her, but deep down I was fuming. I have a TO DO list that I hang on my computer, it has tasks for EVERY DAY, and up until last week, my house looked wonderful, but you bet your ass she never commented then.


So,


although I realize I am lucky to have such a helpful mother in law, I am still insulted by her comments. Why is it she never told me how nice it looked, but once it started looking a bit "shabby" she had to run her mouth?


I'm not going to say anything to her, because I am afraid I was read her wrong, but don't I have a right to be offended?


Just venting.


Thank you!

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"Sour thoughts and Sore Subjects"

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 7:28pm

Geeez, sounds like a typical MIL to me.


I would not let it bother you one bit. like you said, she does not have kids, and if it is that annoying to her, then invite her to come clean it :)


Some people just don't have anyhting esle better to do then complain about other people. UGH


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2004
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 9:37pm
Wow!You were alot nicer to her than I would have been.I would be really mad if my MIL had the nerve to tell me my house was getting messy!!You are doing a great job,putting your children's needs ahead of a spotless house.I'm sure your house is fine.Nobody has a perfectly clean house all the time!I hate to think WHAT I would say to her ,if MY MIL said that to me!!I hate it when people stick into my business!You have my sympthy!It does feel good to be able to vent on this board doesn't it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2003
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 1:16am

Indeed;


Sometimes I think of these boards as a diary that responds, it's pretty convenient. Thanks for your support. I know I'll get over this my own way, my husband tells me to tell her (his own mother) to shut it, but I can't, I guess I was just brought up that way or something, I don't know. You bet I wish I had the balls to say things sometimes though!

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"Sour thoughts and Sore Subjects"

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 9:18am
I feel for you I really do.

Dona

Mommy to CJ {03.21.03}& Chantel {08.10.95}  Step~Mom to Carrington {08.12.92}

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 9:43am
Hi!

I really think that the spotless house is a generational thing. My mom put cleaning ahead of doing anything with us ALWAYS. My memere talks about her "work" (housework) and why do the other ladies in her retirement community have time to lay around the pool? "When do they do their work?" she asks. She's 85. I think she's done enough work.

My house will always be a little messy. I will never have a formal living room! My memere STILL has plastic on her furniture!

We live in our house and it shows. But I have a lot of fun. Tell her that next time she says anything. "The house is messy? Really? I didn't notice. I was busy having fun with my kids."

:)

Melissa
Meldi
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 11:15am
Hi I have a 18 mnth old and a 4 yr old and I feel like I am constantly picking up and when someone calls and says they are coming over I run through the house like a whirlwind trying to tidy up. Your MIL prob has nothing better to do with her time as you do you have wonderful little beings to spend the day with who could care less if its clean . I read somewhere that when you look back on your childrens up bringing they will remember the good times not the dust bunnies and so will you. Keep up the memories and things that are important to you and your kids. Good luck.