Playdate Question

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Playdate Question
7
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 10:41am
Hi! I haven't posted here before, but I was "browsing" and thought this would be a good place to ask some other moms a question...When your children go on playdates, do the other parents seem offended if you come along? My son is 8 years old and attending a new school this year, clear across the city. He has been asked over to play at friends' houses a couple of times...the families seem extremely nice, but I don't really know them, and I would never just drop him off at a stranger's house, no matter how nice they are. In each case, I have politely explained when he was invited that we don't allow him to go "solo" on play dates, but that I'd love to bring him over if that's okay, finishing by saying that "if it's not a good time for that, it's okay, we can always choose another time". The other parents have always said okay, but reluctantly, as if I'm insulting them or something. Truth is, some of the nicest people I know let their kids play in the street, go to other houses in their neighborhood, etc., and I just don't feel comfortable letting some other parent make those decisions in my absence. My mom felt the same way when I was a child, and I thank God she did, as our neighbor two doors down (a military officer like my dad--what a shock that was!!) turned out to be a pedophile! I honestly don't feel I'm being overprotective, but I'm getting tired of people looking at me like I have two heads or something. Has anyone else here faced this? I'd love to hear how you handle it. Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2004
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 11:21am
My son is only 7 weeks old, so I haven't had to tackle this issue yet. But I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be comfortable sending my child over to a stranger's house, either. Hell - my vet offers drop-off service for visits, where you drop off in the morning and pick the dog up at night, and some time during the day they do the shots or exam or whatever -- and I won't even do that because I don't know all the people who will come in to contact with my dog.

As a solution, why don't you host the playdate a few times, and invite the mom of the playmate to come for coffee and pastries? That way you can get a feel for her, and see her parent her own kid. That may help you decide if her house is a safe place.

Michelle

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2004
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 12:11pm
I agree invite the moms over .just cause the kids get along you do'nt know anyhting about the parents.if the moms have a problem with you attending the playgruops i would wonder why.they should be as open to meeting you as you are to meeting them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 12:27pm
Hi!

I completely understand your concern. You never know what kind of people are out there these days.

I also think that it's a good idea to invite the parents over for a visit before letting your child spend the day with the family. But I can see why the parents might feel weird about you wanting to come along with your child for the visit. The only reason I say that is because if their child has a friend come over, in the parent's mind, they think, "Great! He'll be entertained and I'll be able to get some work done." The last thing they probably want to do during that time is visit with another adult. They probably have a list of chores that they want to get through.

Also, by 8 years old, your son is wanting some independence. His friends might goof on him for having his "mommy" come along. You know how kids are.I know, I know, you think, "well, let them goof! Better safe than sorry!" but small steps in independence are part of the developmental process.

So, I think that maybe for the first visit you suggest getting together for a short time, like an hour or 2, check out the house and the family vibe. But know that they are going to be on their best behavior while you are there. You will not know what it was like for your son till he comes home and tells you.

Thanks,

Melissa
Meldi
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 12:43pm

I haven't walked in your shoes, yet, but I was thinking maybe of arranging playdates at someplace other than someone's house for the first few sessions. At a local park or someplace like that.


I agree with the poster about the child wanting some independence. You could also make the first few playdates short. Maybe just an hour or two.


good luck

Posted By:


Rhonda


Mom 2 Serena


Posted by:

Rhonda

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2004
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 12:51pm
Hi you are so right ,meet for a couple of hours look at the house get each others phone numbers and be gone as they say.when one of my friends/sisters kids come over to play with my son i'm happy for plenty of reasons,i get a break,relaxe &he has someone to play with.i guess you just have to trust your child a little ,cause as long as mommy is there he is on the best behavior they all are.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 1:14pm
Hey Domenics Mom!

We agree finally! LOL!

Melissa
Meldi
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2004
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 8:13am
Hi see i'm not such a bad person lol. There are some things people see different then you.but thats the fun part about it right. talk to you soon