Playdate Question
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Playdate Question
| Thu, 03-11-2004 - 10:41am |
Hi! I haven't posted here before, but I was "browsing" and thought this would be a good place to ask some other moms a question...When your children go on playdates, do the other parents seem offended if you come along? My son is 8 years old and attending a new school this year, clear across the city. He has been asked over to play at friends' houses a couple of times...the families seem extremely nice, but I don't really know them, and I would never just drop him off at a stranger's house, no matter how nice they are. In each case, I have politely explained when he was invited that we don't allow him to go "solo" on play dates, but that I'd love to bring him over if that's okay, finishing by saying that "if it's not a good time for that, it's okay, we can always choose another time". The other parents have always said okay, but reluctantly, as if I'm insulting them or something. Truth is, some of the nicest people I know let their kids play in the street, go to other houses in their neighborhood, etc., and I just don't feel comfortable letting some other parent make those decisions in my absence. My mom felt the same way when I was a child, and I thank God she did, as our neighbor two doors down (a military officer like my dad--what a shock that was!!) turned out to be a pedophile! I honestly don't feel I'm being overprotective, but I'm getting tired of people looking at me like I have two heads or something. Has anyone else here faced this? I'd love to hear how you handle it. Thanks!

As a solution, why don't you host the playdate a few times, and invite the mom of the playmate to come for coffee and pastries? That way you can get a feel for her, and see her parent her own kid. That may help you decide if her house is a safe place.
Michelle
I completely understand your concern. You never know what kind of people are out there these days.
I also think that it's a good idea to invite the parents over for a visit before letting your child spend the day with the family. But I can see why the parents might feel weird about you wanting to come along with your child for the visit. The only reason I say that is because if their child has a friend come over, in the parent's mind, they think, "Great! He'll be entertained and I'll be able to get some work done." The last thing they probably want to do during that time is visit with another adult. They probably have a list of chores that they want to get through.
Also, by 8 years old, your son is wanting some independence. His friends might goof on him for having his "mommy" come along. You know how kids are.I know, I know, you think, "well, let them goof! Better safe than sorry!" but small steps in independence are part of the developmental process.
So, I think that maybe for the first visit you suggest getting together for a short time, like an hour or 2, check out the house and the family vibe. But know that they are going to be on their best behavior while you are there. You will not know what it was like for your son till he comes home and tells you.
Thanks,
Melissa
I haven't walked in your shoes, yet, but I was thinking maybe of arranging playdates at someplace other than someone's house for the first few sessions. At a local park or someplace like that.
I agree with the poster about the child wanting some independence. You could also make the first few playdates short. Maybe just an hour or two.
good luck
Posted By:
Rhonda
Mom 2 Serena
Posted by:
Rhonda
We agree finally! LOL!
Melissa