I really lost my temper. Feeling awful.
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| Mon, 03-15-2004 - 1:08pm |
I've never posted here before, but I am a stay-at-home mom to two preschool-aged girls. I am hoping that others can relate and maybe offer some thoughts.
My two girls are wonderful. I consider myself lucky to be their mother, and they are normal, sweet little girls who are loved very much. I guess that's why I feel so guilty about losing it last Friday.
The entire day was an endless series of my oldest (just turned 4) bugging her sister, taking things away from her, bossing her around, not minding, making huge messes and being uncooperative about cleaning them up with me, etc. I know these behaviors are normal for her age, but I just didn't handle it well. The entire morning was a nightmare and I slowly felt my anger rise throughout the day. I was so frustrated.
I calmly told my daughter it was time for a time out. I just couldn't take any more. She ran under the kitchen table and refuse to come out. I finally had to remove her myself. We got half way up the stairs and she refused to move. That's when I completely lost it and screamed, "WHY CAN'T YOU LISTEN TO ME??!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??". I didn't scream that loud, but the voice that came out of me sounded like something from The Exorcist.
I'm so ashamed. I'm feel so guilty. I feel like I've traumatized my daughter. She ran upstairs crying and then she started choking. I wanted to call social services on myself. I will be very frank and say--if someone saw the scene in that house--they would have thought I was a really bad mother with a horrible temper.
I apologized to my daughter and told her that mommy was wrong for yelling and hurting her feelings. I told her that sometimes mommies make mistakes too and that she didn't deserve to be talked to that way.
Still, I feel like a complete failure and a bad parent.
Can anyone relate? I welcome ANY thoughts, insights and opinions. I am truly wondering if I am the only parent who ever feels this way or loses it like this. I guess I'm wondering if this is normal or if my behavior was totally off the charts.
Thank you for reading.
Glowstar

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I have been where you are a couple of times I am sad to say. I have a 9 year old DD, almost 3DS and a 17 month old DS. I am a sahm mom for almost 3 years now. I have had those days where I have been reduced to tears feeling like I have totally failed them as a mother. I have yelled the same thing at my 3 year old and he choked and cried for 20 minutes after I yeeled. I felt like the lowest piece of you know what!!! It can be so hard to try to not lose when they are bickering and fighting all day. You're only human and can only take so much. That's what I try to tell myself, sometimes it helps sometimes not. I just try to hug and kiss them as much as possible or as long as they will let me and that really helps them and me feel better. It is so hard to love them more than anything in this world and at the same time be so angry at them. My boys really know how to push my buttons and I just have to walk away and remember how their faces looked when I lost it before and that does help me calm my temper. You are definately not alone. I hope I helped you a little bit!!! Who knew being a mom was the hardest thing in the world to be???? I'm here if you need to vent or talk. Take care.
Trina
Dont feel like you did anything wrong.
It happens to the best of us, we are only human. I am sure she understands :)
Mel
Andrew 3-4-99
Dalton 12-4-03
Everyone gets mad at their kids now and then. It's kids' jobs to drive us crazy. Don't let your DD know that you're feeling guilty or she'll use it against you for as long as she can.
Kerri
http://www.magicalkingdoms.com/timers/tickers/3nkrrfqhkr41n3v7.png
Heck, I got so upset with my dd (only 11 months) for not sleeping that I just picked her up and plopped her in the car and took her to the grocery store. Then (once I got the the grocery store) I realized that I WASN'T TALKING TO HER! How silly! She's a baby! I couldn't believe that I wasn't talking to her on purpose because of her lack of napping. But I was just so, so, so tired. That's when I get frusturated easily. When I don't get any sleep.
We all lose our tempers. But, I agree with the poster who said that I wouldn't make the apologizing a routine thing, otherwise she'll learn to use it against you. It still wasn't okay that she wasn't cooperating. She doesn't need to learn the lesson that. "Oh, I see, if I keep acting crazy, I'll make mom mad enough to lose it and yell at me and then she'll feel so bad that she'll forget to be mad at me." I'm sure the thought process isn't that advanced, but she will know the result of her actions.
I know that you said that you were trying to get her out from under the table for a time out. What does she do for a time out?
Just curious.
Melissa
I don't know if it's because I grew up in a house full of screaming Italians but I don't think that you are expected to be super woman. We all lose our cool sometimes. It's not like you beat her to a bloody pulp you just yelled at her. We all have bad days. I know you feel bad but I think that yelling is definately a better option than hitting. My dh and I both grew up in houses where people yelled and I don't think that it gave us any emotional scars. I think it was what made me realize that my parents where human beings and not some mythical creatures.
But I guess that's just me.
Jen
Mom to Sean 4-14-01 and Eric 9-11-03
I wanted to say the same thing but feared not being "politically correct". I think it's okay that you yelled. Granted, it's not the preferred method of parenting and it's not all that effective all the time, but, I think that we pander too much to the kids these days and forget who is in charge and let the kids and their feelings control every situation.
There, I finally said it.
Melissa
Jen
Mom to Sean 4-14-01 and Eric 9-11-03
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