I really lost my temper. Feeling awful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2003
I really lost my temper. Feeling awful.
20
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 1:08pm
Hi everyone,

I've never posted here before, but I am a stay-at-home mom to two preschool-aged girls. I am hoping that others can relate and maybe offer some thoughts.

My two girls are wonderful. I consider myself lucky to be their mother, and they are normal, sweet little girls who are loved very much. I guess that's why I feel so guilty about losing it last Friday.

The entire day was an endless series of my oldest (just turned 4) bugging her sister, taking things away from her, bossing her around, not minding, making huge messes and being uncooperative about cleaning them up with me, etc. I know these behaviors are normal for her age, but I just didn't handle it well. The entire morning was a nightmare and I slowly felt my anger rise throughout the day. I was so frustrated.

I calmly told my daughter it was time for a time out. I just couldn't take any more. She ran under the kitchen table and refuse to come out. I finally had to remove her myself. We got half way up the stairs and she refused to move. That's when I completely lost it and screamed, "WHY CAN'T YOU LISTEN TO ME??!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??". I didn't scream that loud, but the voice that came out of me sounded like something from The Exorcist.

I'm so ashamed. I'm feel so guilty. I feel like I've traumatized my daughter. She ran upstairs crying and then she started choking. I wanted to call social services on myself. I will be very frank and say--if someone saw the scene in that house--they would have thought I was a really bad mother with a horrible temper.

I apologized to my daughter and told her that mommy was wrong for yelling and hurting her feelings. I told her that sometimes mommies make mistakes too and that she didn't deserve to be talked to that way.

Still, I feel like a complete failure and a bad parent.

Can anyone relate? I welcome ANY thoughts, insights and opinions. I am truly wondering if I am the only parent who ever feels this way or loses it like this. I guess I'm wondering if this is normal or if my behavior was totally off the charts.

Thank you for reading.

Glowstar

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2004
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 1:26pm
Glowstar,

I have been where you are a couple of times I am sad to say. I have a 9 year old DD, almost 3DS and a 17 month old DS. I am a sahm mom for almost 3 years now. I have had those days where I have been reduced to tears feeling like I have totally failed them as a mother. I have yelled the same thing at my 3 year old and he choked and cried for 20 minutes after I yeeled. I felt like the lowest piece of you know what!!! It can be so hard to try to not lose when they are bickering and fighting all day. You're only human and can only take so much. That's what I try to tell myself, sometimes it helps sometimes not. I just try to hug and kiss them as much as possible or as long as they will let me and that really helps them and me feel better. It is so hard to love them more than anything in this world and at the same time be so angry at them. My boys really know how to push my buttons and I just have to walk away and remember how their faces looked when I lost it before and that does help me calm my temper. You are definately not alone. I hope I helped you a little bit!!! Who knew being a mom was the hardest thing in the world to be???? I'm here if you need to vent or talk. Take care.

Trina

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 1:49pm

Dont feel like you did anything wrong.


It happens to the best of us, we are only human. I am sure she understands :)

Mel


Andrew 3-4-99


Dalton 12-4-03

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Avatar for lisacolette
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2003
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 6:26pm
Welcome to the club! The best of us lose our tempers, especially with little 4 year olds with tons of energy and stubborness. My 4yr old DS calls it "angry Mama" if I yell. He knows that everyone gets angry and yells but that it's not right. He'll send me into my room for a "timeout" (I don't argue because it gives me a chance to cool off). I find I don't yell much anymore and he's a lot happier too.

Everyone gets mad at their kids now and then. It's kids' jobs to drive us crazy. Don't let your DD know that you're feeling guilty or she'll use it against you for as long as she can.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 7:17pm
I have done it with my DS's sometimes they just keep going and going and not listening it just drives me nuts. I dont know what else to say but (((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))) and I've been there.

Kerri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2004
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 10:22pm
Glowstar, I deal with the same thigs everyday with Sammy 6, and Ruby 2. Everyday, I feel bad for getting frustrated and wanting to go back to work. Sammy has developmental delays, and metal and behavioral problems. She was violent to Ruby all the time for the first 6 months. We worked very hard to teach Sammy the appropriate ways to deal with anger and jealousy towards her "stupid ugly baby dumb sister" as she put it. Now she treats Ruby like a queen, but Ruby does all the things Sammy worked so hard not to do (hitting, pulling hair, snatching, biting, you name it.) Ruby is a typical "terrible" two year old. Taking care of a typically developing child is new and frustrating to Dh and I. We often feel like first time parents all over again. I too, have lost my temper like you did. You did the right thing by telling your daughter you made a mistake. She needs to know paren'ts aren't perfect either. Had I seen what happened in your house, I would have thought you were a normal mom with normal kids. A "bad" mother talks to her kids the way you did and doesn't notice or care that she made a mistake. A "good" mother realizes what she did and makes amends. That is what separates you from bad mothers (trust me, I've seen plenty). Being a sahm is the best and worst job there is IMO. Some days are great, some days are horrible, most are somewhere in between. Come back and visit soon. We're here to share the good and bad times with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 8:30am
Hi!

Heck, I got so upset with my dd (only 11 months) for not sleeping that I just picked her up and plopped her in the car and took her to the grocery store. Then (once I got the the grocery store) I realized that I WASN'T TALKING TO HER! How silly! She's a baby! I couldn't believe that I wasn't talking to her on purpose because of her lack of napping. But I was just so, so, so tired. That's when I get frusturated easily. When I don't get any sleep.

We all lose our tempers. But, I agree with the poster who said that I wouldn't make the apologizing a routine thing, otherwise she'll learn to use it against you. It still wasn't okay that she wasn't cooperating. She doesn't need to learn the lesson that. "Oh, I see, if I keep acting crazy, I'll make mom mad enough to lose it and yell at me and then she'll feel so bad that she'll forget to be mad at me." I'm sure the thought process isn't that advanced, but she will know the result of her actions.

I know that you said that you were trying to get her out from under the table for a time out. What does she do for a time out?

Just curious.

Melissa
Meldi
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2004
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 9:48am
I may make some people mad with this post but this is my opinion.

I don't know if it's because I grew up in a house full of screaming Italians but I don't think that you are expected to be super woman. We all lose our cool sometimes. It's not like you beat her to a bloody pulp you just yelled at her. We all have bad days. I know you feel bad but I think that yelling is definately a better option than hitting. My dh and I both grew up in houses where people yelled and I don't think that it gave us any emotional scars. I think it was what made me realize that my parents where human beings and not some mythical creatures.

But I guess that's just me.

Jen

Mom to Sean 4-14-01 and Eric 9-11-03

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 1:35pm
hi.

I wanted to say the same thing but feared not being "politically correct". I think it's okay that you yelled. Granted, it's not the preferred method of parenting and it's not all that effective all the time, but, I think that we pander too much to the kids these days and forget who is in charge and let the kids and their feelings control every situation.

There, I finally said it.

Melissa
Meldi
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2004
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 2:32pm
Thank you, I was cringing all day because I thought I was going to get blasted for my post, but I really had to say that. I'm glad I'm not the only person who feels this way.

Jen

Mom to Sean 4-14-01 and Eric 9-11-03

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2004
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 3:09pm
I agree with everything you have said .we all do it ,i grew up in an Irish family all we do also is yell (& party)lol.plus there were 10 kids.

Pages