At the end of my rope...
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At the end of my rope...
| Thu, 03-25-2004 - 7:40am |
For those of you who saw my previous posts, I'm back. This time, it's to solicit advice on divorce/separation. DH is no longer D, just H (LOL!). In a nutshell, I feel like a slave since DH won't help out at all. He feels it's my job to take care of everything since I'm a SAHM. This is nothing new as things have been deteriorating for years and I'm now looking into divorce.
Anyone been through this? I'm looking at jobs and apartments that the boys and I can move to. DH has said in the past that he'll try to take the kids away from me, unlikely since the courts won't just let him, especially since I'm technically their only caregiver. I'm sure we can work out an equitable solution once he calms down.
I'm not going to mention any of this to DH until I have some solid plans. No sense adding to the tension. Suggestions? Comments? Pity?
Trying to keep a smile,
Lisa

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First of all, have you tried counseling? I don't think that you should totally go into a divorce without trying that route first. If you have and this is truly the end, make sure that you know everything about all of your assets and debts and then seek out a lawyer.
Gook luck. But, don't give up if there is the smallest thread of hope (for the kids sake...really, if you can work it out, it's really for the best.)
Hoping for you,
m
I am sorry you're going through this. You have to turn your world upside down now and start all over. Be strong Lisa!
I don't have advice for you. I wish I did. You know what's best for you and your boys. Remember that and again, be strong!
Brittany
Mom to Giovanni, 5 1/2 months old
Good luck & I hope this all works out for you & your children! Keep us updated!
~Debra
(Also- make sure he can't access your internet accounts and read things you've written like this post... If you don't want him to know about your plans until you're ready to tell him- make sure he won't stumble upon them accidentally.)
And- have some money set aside that he doesn't know about- *just in case* he reacts badly to your news... He could make life miserable for you and the children during the proceedings until things are settled. (Things like closing your credit accounts- denying you access to bank accounts etc.) Just be sure to cover your arse...
Wytchy
So sorry to hear things are getting this bad. I got to that point only just 2 months ago. I packed up the van and loaded in the kids, but couldn't bring myself to back out of the driveway. I didn't think I loved him at all anymore, but decided to hang in there just one more day. Taking it one day at a time, and kept talking to him, it's suddenly two months later and we are getting along much better. I realize I do love, I just don't like him much some days. LOL I swore I'd never threaten to leave him, not wanting to be manipulative, and never mention anything to him until I was resolved to do it. But somehow, I just had to give it one more shot, even after I told him I was packing to leave after he went to work. Oddly enough, the fact I told him and then didn't do it, after he kept asking me not to, was probably what really turned things around for us. Arguing with him meant nothing to him, but after that day, I think it shocked him and he finally realized how desperate I was. We still argue more than I'd like, but we've come so far in 2 months. If you can, hang in there, one day at a time. But only you know the whole story and if it's not a good situation for you or your kids to be in, then know we all trust you and support you. You know what's best, and we are here for you. You're not alone.
:(
~Debra
Heather
I don't think it's a good idea to stay at all costs....if there are more issues than the helping out thing. My parents got divorced after a few bad years. I remember my mom crying in front of us (the kids) all the time and I would beg her just to get divorced. It was really hard on us, though. We were happy that my dad was gone, but my mom had to work 2-3 jobs just to keep the house and it was a total struggle.
I think that you know that you should try to work it out. But, in a marriage, you can't be the only person trying.
Thinking of you,
m
Someone mentioned I should find a job (sorry, I forgot who). I'm currently looking for a good job and have a resume out at a very desirable hospital locally. They have a sick child program so I'm really hoping I get it.
If things don't get better soon, I'll have to do something about it or just resign myself to having a sad, lonely life.
Thanks again for all the viewpoints. I really appreciate it. I'm taking a deep breath, getting the kids to bed and am going to take a hot, relaxing shower.
:)
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