Don't know if I can do this...
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| Mon, 03-29-2004 - 3:53pm |
My 19-month-old son was a pretty chilled out kid until about a week ago - all of a sudden, he's constantly hitting me, pushing me away, pinching, trying to bite, grabbing my face and twisting, etc. He doesn't even lay still for me to change his diaper - he throws things off the changing table, pushes me away, hits me.
We have been avoiding spanking but I am not sure what to do here. I feel like I must be doing something really wrong as a parent - within a month of him staying home with me, he has turned into an aggressive little monster. I have been trying to keep my temper with him, but it's really hard - right before I put him in bed for his nap today, he grabbed my lips and twisted as hard as he could, then slapped my face. I was so close to just slapping him back.
Is this normal behavior? I really am starting to think I made a mistake in quitting my job - obviously his sitter was doing a much better job with him than I am.

It might be the fact that you two are with each other more during each day then before.
It gets stressful to be around one person each day all day.
I do not think that it should go on without some kind of punishment or talk to him.
He needs to know that no matter his reasons, that it is not allowed.
Mel
Andrew 3-4-99
Dalton 12-4-03
Try to keep him entertained as much as possible, because it sounds like his frustrations are getting the best of him. I read some really good advice in the other replies, like making sure you give hi warning before you change activities or before bedtime.
One problenm I run into is that all three of my boys have their frustration hours at the same time, late afternoon. I have to make sure supper is not late, because otherwise I have three whining, screaming kids crowded at my feet or fighting with each other while I'm trying to cook. Make sure you stick to a schedule as much as possible, because kids this age have to have structure.
And as far as what you said about the problems with diaper changes, ditch the changing table, and change him on the floor. That way all the squirming in the world won't get him hurt, and it's easier for him to hold onto a toy, book, or something else to distract him while you get him changed. I've done this with all my boys, and it works great.
I think maybe a lot of his problem right now is just getting used to the change of you being home with him instead of his former babysitter. Kids get really close to their caregivers. If you are friends with the person, try and have them stop by during the day sometime just to see him for a few minutes. That way your son knows that their friend didn't just dissappear, even if he doesn't see them all the time anymore. If that's not possible, or if you had him in a daycare or something, check with the DC and see if it's okay to bring him by for a visit. If he was around other kids a lot before, he may be adjusting to that as well.
Hope some of the suggestions will help, and hang in there. I know it can be frustrating, but like someone else mentioned, he's taking his behavior cues from you, so try not to lose it. If you feel like you're about to, just make sure he's in a safe place and has some toys, and head to the bathroom till you have yourself under control. Just remember that, he's not doing the things he does intentionally to make you mad. He's just trying to find the best way to express himself. I know it's hard to believe, but one day you will actuallly MISS these days! lol Hang in there, and let us know how you're doing. --->cjaboys
Tanya
heidi
Hi there!
I'm sorry that you're going through that!
I don't want to sound like a child beater or anyhting, but with my 8 month old daughter, I treat her the same way she treats me. Read on before you FREAK please!
April is 8 months old. She is constantly pulling my hair, scratching me, kicking me, turning on the changing table, kicking things off the table, getting into things that she isn't suppose to after I have said "NO", but you have to think these are just kids...we have to teach them. I have two dogs and two cats and I find it uncanny how similar teaching and disiplining a child is like training a new puppy or kitten against unwanted behavior.
When April was about 4 months old she started screaming for her bottle and I would get so shattered I was spilling formula all over the place. Finally, I stood my ground. First I checked to make sure she wasn't really in pain. Then, if she started her screaming, I would either put her in her crib or in the floor and walk away from her where she couldn't see me but I could see her. After a few minutes, I would head back into the room and reassure her once she had settled to an upset sniffle. I would look her directly in the eyes and tell her I wouldn't tolerate her screaming like that. I made sure to stay consistant with this policy. She soon got the picture and has learned to have more patience with me. She has learned that I will always be there for her, but I will not put up with certain actions and behavior. Now, she is starting to try and flip in the middle of a diaper change. I simply grab her leg nearest to me, apply slight pressure to prevent her from rolling and tell her a firm "NO". She'll turn back to me and cry, which breaks my heart, but I remain firm. I repeat this several times until I am done changing her. When she yells at me, I yell at her. She has learned that I understand that she is tired or hungry, or not felling well and I will comfort her until she starts fussing and resists my attention. Then I lay her in her crib and walk away. Within an hour she usually settles herself for a nap and when she wakes she is her happy self.
My advice is stay firm with your son! Let him know you disapprove of his behavior. If he does something you don't like, put him in a room without toys, TV, or dangers (of course)...a crib is best but at 19 months he may be in a big boy bed by now I don't know, and WALK AWAY. My point is YOU have to set the boundaries for your son and no one else, okay. Stay strong you can do it! Is he your first? Well, good luck with him! If you need me you know how to contact me! My two cents- Nada
The thing that was most upsetting to me was trying to understand "why?". He was only doing it to me, nobody else. I couldn't understand why. I mean, I was the one who was doing ALL of the feeding, changing, rocking, playing, reading, singing, etc.... Why was he treating me this way? I was really upset by it, until I happened to run across something that helped. I read somewhere that babies typically try out this type of behavior on the person/people they TRUST THE MOST! My DS didn't hate me. In fact, it was just the opposite: he was so attached to me, and trusted me so much, that he felt safe in "experimenting" on me, because he knew that I would never hurt him. This was such a huge relief to me, and it really helped me to get through that stage with my sanity intact! Hope it helps you, too!