Questions about being a SAHM...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2004
Questions about being a SAHM...
7
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 10:22pm
Hello I often post on the family finance board and thought I'd stop by to ask some questions. I am thinking of starting a family next year with my dh of almost three years. I will be 25 this year and my dh and I have been waiting to have kids and always said that we wanted to be married for at least four years before we had kids so that we could have time to just be together and do some traveling..and of course save money. We have been doing a lot of traveling together and have finally reached the point where we are comfortable financially. We worked very hard but have paid off student loans, credit cards, home equity line of credit, and our two cars. We have have been able to add a lot of money onto our principle every month and now have only 6 more years until we are mortgage free. We wanted to be mortgage free by the time we had a second child..so still have some time for that.

So my question is that I have been thinking about when the time comes to have kids I only want to work one maybe two days a week at my marketing job. My parents have paid so much money though for my education that I am afraid I will feel guilty about not getting 'their money's' worth by eventually dropping out of the corporate world to have kids. I feel however that my education has taught me to work towards goals in life and to be focused, which for me the last three years has been to get a good savings plan down and to live a little with my dh. I would like to be home with our kids for at least the first five to seven years and then re-enter the corporate world. I love the stimulation at my current job and my progress..but I know that doing both (full-time working/being a mom full-time) would be too much for me.

Can anyone give me any advice as to how they did it?Adjustment?

How old were you when you became a SAHM? How long have you been one? How long do you plan on staying home? Do you plan to have a career after you kids reach a certain age? Re-entering the workforce and what would you do? Did anyone have a plan before they became a SAHM..and did they wait until they reached their goals first before having kids?

Sorry for all these questions, but they have been in my head for awhile and I thought this would be a perfect board to get some answers. Thank you-Alicia
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 6:33am
***My parents have paid so much money though for my education that I am afraid I will feel guilty about not getting 'their money's' worth by eventually dropping out of the corporate world to have kids.***

They'll more likely be thrilled that you're making the commitment to be home with their grandchildren... Remember too that just because you drop out of the corporate world to focus on your family doesn't mean that you can never return. After the kids are back in school or out on their own you can always go back! :) Even if you SAH as long as they're living in your house, that's what- twenty years out of your life? A drop in the bucket, really...

***Can anyone give me any advice as to how they did it?Adjustment?***

I didn't just jump into it when the baby came... It's hard enough making the adjustment to Motherhood- I didn't want to also be making an adjustment from career to home at the same time. My advice is to take some time *before* the baby comes and get used to being a "domestic engineer" for awhile... That way it's not *such* a culture shock when that new little person arrives. (It's still quite a shocker, but at least you're dealing with only *one* shock at a time! LOL!)

***How old were you when you became a SAHM?***

25

***How long have you been one?***

About two and a half months now ;)

***How long do you plan on staying home?***

Until he leaves the nest... We're planning on homeschooling, so I'm in this for the long haul LOL!

***Do you plan to have a career after you kids reach a certain age?***

Yes- I plan to go into teaching once he's off to college ;)

***Re-entering the workforce and what would you do?***

I'd refresh my experience with a few college courses and revamp the old resume and such... It really all depends on what field one is trying to re-enter as to how difficult it will be to explain and overcome a lengthy absense... I don't anticipate any real obstacles in my chosen field...

***Did anyone have a plan before they became a SAHM..and did they wait until they reached their goals first before having kids?***

A plan? Not really... Just to be financially secure and not worried about living paycheck to paycheck... ;) It took us quite awhile before we actually conceived after we started trying, so we had plenty of time to work with...

Good luck~! Being a SAHP is one of the most rewarding (yet difficult) things you'll ever do... But I bet you won't regret it for a moment! :)




Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2003
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 9:27am
Wytchy as always had some great points! I too believe your parents will not be too upset with you having children. In fatc, I think it will be quite the opposite. They will most likely be ecstatic about having grandchildren. When parents send their children off to school, they don't expect them to never have children or get married just because they send a lot of money on college. Or atleast I've never heard of any doing that. So you should not feel guilty at all for not staying in the work force.

*Can anyone give me any advice as to how they did it?Adjustment?* When I got pregnant, I decided to become a nanny so that I could really get the feel on what it would be like to have a child. A did alot of things with the 2 year old I took care of. I took him to playgroups, grocery shopping with me, etc just so I could get used to like with a child. It was hard caring for him & I was exhausted a lot but it was worth it to me. That was really the only thing I did to help with my adjustment.



*How old were you when you became a SAHM?* I actually started being a "housewife" right before we got married. We got married May 98 & got pregnant with our son that October. So besides the 6 months or so that I was a nanny, I have been at home. I became an "official" SAHM when I had my son in July 99. I was a few months shy of of my 23rd birthday.

*How long have you been one?* Since my son was born so almost 5 years.

*How long do you plan on staying home?* The plans right now are to homeschool so atleast 15 more years. If we change our minds & send the kids to school, then I would like to go back to school after that. Who knows, I might take some night courses sometime.

*Do you plan to have a career after you kids reach a certain age?* Yes after they are in college or see above!

*Re-entering the workforce and what would you do?* That all depends on the work done. I'd take some college courses to renew my skills or maybe do some volunteer work.

*Did anyone have a plan before they became a SAHM..and did they wait until they reached their goals first before having kids?* Really the only goals we had were to be in a stable financial situation & we wanted kids early. Both we achieved. DH is military so his career was stable. We got pregnant for the 1st time about 2 weeks after we were married but miscarried. Then got pregnant 3 months later with DS. 2 more miscarriages & then had DD alittle over 2 years later.

There's no need to apologize! it's always good to ask questions & be as prepared as possible before doing just about anything! Good luck & keep us updated!

~Debra

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2004
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 9:40am
Alicia. Congrats on being such an independent strong money making person !! gosh, at your age that is rare, that's all I gotta say about that! I had 2 kids by the time i was 25. so anywho. I've been a SAHM ever since I had my first. He's now 10. But I've always kept a part time job to keep my sanity and to keep me feeling like I was 'contributing' to the family income. Plus it was nice to have a reason to get away some times. So it's really up to you. I think you won't really know until it happens how you feel about the working thing. Some moms plan to be SAHM's and then they start doing it and can't. They just feel like they are going crazy. For many many reasons I choose to be a SAHM but I can truly say it's not for everyone. Most days I don't think it's for me either. But I do sacrafice a lot to be a SAHM. Like not having my identity most days. Not having my 'freedoms'. etc. it's hard to describe to someone who doesn't have kids. Once you have them you'll totally understand. i know the biggest drawback for me is feeling disconnected from the world outside. talking to babies all day just kinda makes me nuts most of the time. i work from home. so good luck in whatever decision you make!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2004
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 5:28pm


First off I want to say congrats on planning so well for your future. I really wish I had been that smart. Let me tell you my story. My name is Danna. I am 25 years old and I have a seven year old stepdaughter that lives with me and a 23 month old son. When I was pregnant I thought it would be no big deal. I would go back to work and put my son in daycare....well it didn't turn out that way. I spent the first five weeks of my maternity leave crying about having to leave him at daycare. So, we decided I would stay home. We hadn't planned on it so we had no money in savings or anything. We quickly began to sink. I had to start back to work when my son was six months old. Ever since then I have been trying to find a way to stay home with the kids. I am still currently working my "regular" job, but I hope to soon be able to quit and work from home. I am currently doing both. Once my work at home job takes off I will be able to quite my dayjob. I can't wait. Working from home may be a way to keep your sanity and still use your marketing expertise. Good luck to you in whatever you chose.

Danna J

Stayin Home and Lovin It!

http://www.stayinhomeandlovinit.com/cgi-bin/team.cgi?id=da75611&action=show

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2003
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 12:54pm
I just quit my job 5 months ago to sah. I was a CPA and had 18 years of experience (I'm 38 and worked my way through college--went to night school).

Here are my answers to your questions:

Can anyone give me any advice as to how they did it? I was the breadwinner so I saved up money for an emergency fund before I quit. I did a budget to make sure that we could live on one income then I just took the plunge.

Adjustment? I worked for 3 years after my son was born. I tried working after my daughter was born but just couldn't handle the stress. So for me the adjustment was only lack of money.



How old were you when you became a SAHM? 37

How long have you been one? 5 months

How long do you plan on staying home? As long as I can afford it. I'd love to stay at home until my kids are out of high school.

Do you plan to have a career after you kids reach a certain age? I've already done the whole career thing right now I want to be just a mommy. Might change my mind later but thats how I feel today.

Re-entering the workforce and what would you do? If I do go back to work while the kids are still at home then I would only work pt as a bookkeeper. Something not demanding and not stressful.

Did anyone have a plan before they became a SAHM..and did they wait until they reached their goals first before having kids? My goals were to become debt free (except mortgage) and have an emergency savings fund. I'm debt free now but I did not accomplish that before I had kids. I ran out of time. LOL!!

Hope this helps. You are very wise to think about this now.

Good luck to you.

Karen

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 6:18pm
Well, it sounds like you have a good plan in place. I quit work about 5 years before my daughter was born so I had plenty of time to adjust being at home. I would suggest taking some time before the baby to stay at home to get used to it. I was actually a SAHM 2 years ago. God willing forever!! I plan on staying home as long as I can. I plan on homeschooling. I don't want to return to the workforce if I don't have to. My hubby and I had everything planned out before we had our daughter, but often things can change. Good luck and I think being able to stay home to raise your children is the greatest thing in the world. I would think your parenst would very happy for you and not diappointed.

Trish :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 9:23pm
Hello, well.it sounds to me like you are a very level headed gal who knows what she wants and is looking ahead and planning well. I think that is a great start. My story goes like this, I was 33 before having my first child, I had worked in the professional field for 15 years and reached my goal, our bills were all paid up and we had a nice egg to fall back on if needed. We also had purchased and paid for all large ticket items that we may of needed (furniture) I planned to be at home at least the first 3 years because thats what all the child mag's say about development. But here I still am with my daughter turning 6 this month, she still needs me and it's would of been hard to go back before now, our Kindergarten is still half days. I have kept myself up on skills through volunteering with many different not-for-profit groups and recently the PTO, these are all things that you can try and you can always put them on your resume when ready to go back to work. I do plan to return to work this next year, however, not to my old professional life with the beepers, cell phones and laptops. But rather to a what I call (anything) job so that I can still be here for my child before and after school.

I would suggest that when you do have kids and stay at home you find a great group in your area to get involved with, like Mothers And More, that group is for professional women who have left their positions to be home with their kids. Groups like this really help you find out where you fit in after leaving your job. I have loved having the opportunity to be home but have also needed to be involved with other outside projects.

Good Luck..you will do great..