I'm not sure I can adjust to this

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2003
I'm not sure I can adjust to this
3
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 2:16pm
So I have three children ages 2,3,and 4. I have always worked but recently in the last two weeks I have had to quit working and stay home with my kids. I have been a preschool teacher for 6 years, so you'd think it would be easy for me but it isn't. Since I was 15 I have worked at least one job. When my children were little I felt really bad for missing out on so much, and I said I wish I could sstay home, but couldn't. But I don't know if I can do this. Only because I am in a new state where I have no family and no friends to talk to. And my husbands new job is going to be extremely demanding. So I guess I just need some kind of advice on how to handle it. It's such a big change for me so any help would be appreciated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 3:43pm
Hi! I post here occasionally but thought i would reply to your post. congrats on deciding to stay home! I have not worked for 5 yrs, I am in the health profession but decided that my kids are only little once-and I'm going to enjoy every minute I can! There will be a lot of days when you will miss the "outside world", but there are so many positive things to being stay at home. I do a lot of "window shopping with my kids" where we don't spend a dime. I take a lot of walks with my kids and play outside/go to parks as much as I can. As for meeting new people, I go to our local libraries story hour and I have met a lot of moms just like me. There is also a mothers group that meets in our town every other week for 2 hours. Do you belong to a church? That's also a good way to meet other people with kids. Ages 2, 3, and 4 can be challenging, but your influence and values are far more important than anyone elses. Good luck-there's a lot of support here!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2004
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 7:36pm
I have 2 kids - a 4 year old and a 7 week old and I live 3000 miles away from all family and close friends. The best advice I can give you is to get out and meet other moms in your area. Whether it be just taking the kids to the local park a couple of times a week or getting one (or all) involved at Gymboree, My Gym, Dance or karate, etc. A group of us have been meeting twice a week at our local park and we have all been close for a year now - we share babysitting, commiserate at times and talk on the phone for adult conversation!

Staying home is the hardest thing you will ever do - but your kids will love you for it! I still remember my mom being home with me until I started kindergarten and then when I was in high school she quit her job and was there every afternoon when I got home! At 16, I looked forward to going home after school and having a snack and talking with my mom!

Dana

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 10:03am
I've been a SAHM since last May so it's almost been a year. I've also worked all of my adult life - since I was 17, went to college while working, worked throughout my pregnancy and went back right away after having my 2 year old twins in 2001. I was a senior financial analyst for a major bank in Washington, DC. I worked there for 6 years before the girls were born. In that job, I traveled a lot, went to lots of conferences all over the country, basically had a very full life, but it was all work. So we had the girls (didn’t use drugs by the way – all natural identical twins) and I went back to work for almost 2 years, but I missed the girls so I quit last May. Since then, we've moved to NC for my husband's job and its a lot cheaper to live here so we've decided I'll stay home with the gals.

I wish I could offer encouragement, but I'm not feeling so great about my decision to stay home either. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do! It is so special being with the girls, but I miss my old life too. My friends without kids don't really keep in touch - obviously they don't get me any more - and my friends with kids are miserable working, just like I used to be. I know I'm lucky to have a choice buts its been a tough adjustment. We get out as much as possible – the playground, swimming class, science center, shopping malls, so we meet some moms that way but I just don’t connect with many of them. We trade phone numbers and then never call each other. I feel guilty for complaining-- feel guilty about everything really – spending money, getting mad at my husband for not helping more, you name it. I look at it as a test – I’m being tested. The main question is “Do you love your kids enough to give it all up?” 99% of the time the answer is yes, but that 1% is what nags at you when you are down. I just hope I can get through it with some part of myself left. I hope you can too :-)