Guilt?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2003
Guilt?
7
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 7:17am
I've been a SAHM for just 7 months now. I love my DS so much and feel truly blessed to have been able to leave work to be home with him. Other than being financially strapped my main problem is guilt. I feel guilty that I'm home while my husband works,and that the financial burden is all on him. I feel that I don't have the right to be tired or cranky or to want some time off or some help around the house, because I'm home all day. Does anyone else feel so guilty and how do you handle it? I especially feel bad if I haven't been able to get much housework done or if I've had a really easy day. I feel a lot of pressure to handle EVERYTHING just because my husband goes to work 8-9 hours a day. Is this normal? Thanks for the input.

Jen

SAHM of Jake 8/29/03

Avatar for lori_mcbride
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2003
In reply to: jsmith567
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 8:19am

Hi Jen!


((((hugs)))) Yes...I would say that what you're feeling is normal.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com 

having a baby

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
In reply to: jsmith567
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 4:14pm

I think we all feel that way.
But I belive that we both are doing the same for the family.
You being home is saving on daycare, and you are staying home loving and teaching your child instead of some stranger.
He is working to pay the bills and make sure you all have what you need to be happy and healty.
I think that is 50/50.
Don't feel bad, cause you both are probally doing equal to make sure your family is happy and well taken care of.


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
In reply to: jsmith567
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 5:15pm
I just had a similar conversation with my hubby only I was the one who was mad that he worked! LOL

Listen, as SAHM's, there are benefits. But there are far more responsibilities than anyone really thinks about.

You are on call 24/7/365. Period. You are never "off". Your day starts at 12am and ends at 11:59pm. If your job calls at 4am, then you need to be there. You have no substitute list to call to help and no vacation days. You can be sick, but there are no sick days. You have to work. IF you decide to go on a family vacation, you are still working. Just because you may physically be at the beach doesn't mean you still aren't at work! At no point can you just shut off the phone and let the answering machine pick up the calls from you "boss". You never leave the office. There are no paychecks, bonuses or raises. In 10 years you will still be making the same salary. No healthcare benefits. No 2 hour lunch breaks...heck if we get a 2 minute lunch break we are happy. Potty breaks consist of singing the ABC's while the door is open and a child is clinging to your leg.

It is easy to think that SAHM's do "nothing". But we know that isn't true. Don't feel guilty about taking some time to yourself. It is hard but with help from your hubby you can figure out when to get some me time. And don't feel guilty. Even on your worst day when you get "nothing" done you still get more done than most people at work. Remember, you are responsible for keeping your child alive and well. And that is a big job by itself!

Ejkdmom Come visit my store: www.leorra.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
In reply to: jsmith567
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 3:01am
Hey Jen

You are NOT alone !!!!!

Just last week, my dh was thinking of calling in sick for a day off. I said sure, it would be great to have you around for an additional day.

I started thinking later, jeeze, I wish I could call in sick... or have two 15 minute coffee breaks plus a lunch hour a day. Also, the 2 - 3 weeks paid holidays a year would be great. WHY DON'T SAHM GET PAID????????? Being a sahm is a 24/7/365 day a year job. There aren't any breaks. If I'm LUCKY I GET to shower every day, let alone shave my legs.

When dh comes home, we chat and he goes for a shower, when he is done, and I have baby fed and changed, I go for my shower. But I feel like I am intruding on his "unwind" phase. Screw it. If he wants me in the bed at night, I need to shower!!!!

He is actualy very good about it all. But I do get ticked when he says "I need a day off"

Don't we all. I don't really need a day, I would like 1 hour of uninterupted time for me. Idon't want to hear crying, I don't want dh banging on the door asking where the snot sucker is or "IS SHE HUNGRY????"

Just one lunch hour is all I want.........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
In reply to: jsmith567
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 9:12am
Hi!

Don't feel guilty! Sure, some days are easier than others (and some days even qualify as "fun"!) but for the most part, the days are endless chores and feeding, laundry and dishes. And everyone else is right. You are on call 24/7. See, also, you are in the "honeymoon" phase with ds right now as well. You probably have a good routine going and the days are nice and smooth. Wait till he walks! Wait till he starts eating only "big people" food and throws it everywhere! Your guilt will evaporate pretty quickly.

Look at it this way. You are the reason your husband CAN work! You provide him with food, a clean home and a happy family. He will live longer and be more prosperous because of you. His mind is free each day to give 100% at the job. That is nothing to feel guilty about!

Take some time for yourself and enjoy it! Let go of the guilt!

Hugs!

Melissa
Meldi
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
In reply to: jsmith567
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 10:47am
I have felt like you many times. I'm also a SAHM of Matthew since 8/15/03. I feel so lucky to be able to be at home. I have realized that it's OK for me to express my feelings when they're not the most positive, like when I'm tired and agitated with everything, or when I want a break from the constant baby care. I have a job to do and so does my husband. When some things aren't clean like I'd prefer, I try to remember what I DID get done - maybe I dealt with an extra difficult day taking care of our son. Maybe he had a Dr.'s appointment that took up some time I could have used to clean. I always try to remember that my job is a 24/7 job with no set hours. My husband knows that I'm the one to get up extra early or whenever our son gets up so I can nurse him. When he comes home and has dinner, I'm the one to feed Matthew his solid dinner.

Also, when my husband comes home from work and has some free time (he's very active and is always doing something), he'll feed Matthew with no problem. He'll change a diaper or give him a bath when I ask him to. He'll watch him when I want to go grocery shopping. When I point out that maybe he hasn't been around much lately and can he spend some "daddy time" with Matthew, he realizes I'm right and agrees to do it. Basically, he's aware that my job is an on-call, all the time job, so I don't feel guilty staying home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2003
In reply to: jsmith567
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 11:39am
Thank you all so much. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one whose felt this way. :)