trouble in paradise, headed to PT conf

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
trouble in paradise, headed to PT conf
9
Fri, 08-13-2004 - 1:00pm
uggh, it's only the first week of school and already there's trouble. alleria's been doing absolutely awesome and loving kindergarten...until today. today the teacher just lost her darn mind!! we walked into class and immediately the teacher told alleria like 5 things to do all at once: "sign in, put your backpack away, get your homework out, sit down, hurry up", then says "alleria next week you're going to have to be a big girl and come by yourself, your mommy is not going to be able to walk you to class next week." the commands and the little threat freaked alleria out and she started to hug my leg and get a little nervous and ask me to stay. so i tell her to put her stuff away as her teacher asked and i would wait a minute and talk to her. so she starts doing that and the teacher keeps telling her to hurry up (she wasn't late or anything, she was right on time) and alleria's getting more and more nervous. i sit down in one of the kids chairs and motion her over and give her a hug and try to calm her down, and here comes the teacher: "alleria, your mom has to go now, come sit down you're holding the class up." so of course alleria starts to cry, so i ask the teacher nicely to give me a minute to talk to alleria and then she'd be right there. the teacher says "no, she needs to come sit down RIGHT NOW!" and starts PULLING on alleria's arm!!! alleria's holding onto me crying, i'm holding on to her, tristan is holding onto both of us freaking out, and here the teacher is pulling on alleria telling her to come on right now. i tell the teacher "no, i need to talk to alleria, please let go and she'll be right there in a minute." well she just keeps PULLING!!! i say "i'm going to take alleria into the hall and talk to her, please let go." but she still holds on, telling me "no, she needs to follow the routine and do what everyone else is doing!" so we're in this virtual tug of war over my dd. finally i pick both the kids up and walk out into the hall with the teacher following me, where she continues to try to physically TAKE alleria back into the room. i turned to her and said loudly "take your hands off my child right now!!!" apparently that finally got her attention as she let go, then proceeded to ask me "is there anything going on at home that we should know about???" i'm thinking "no you friggin idiot, the kid was fine when we walked in here!!" so i asked the teacher to leave us alone, which she finally did, and did my best to calm alleria down but at that point it was hopeless. she was hysterical and nothing i could do would make any difference. she was terrified, i don't think i've ever seen her that scared.

i didn't want to take her home as i don't want to teach her to run away from her problems, and i also felt like her fear would get worse if she didn't face it, so i finally left her in class screaming and crying. i felt like a complete cur, the worst mother alive. i went and talked to the principal and requested a parent teacher conference, and i'm supposed to be there at 1:30. i don't know how it will go but i'm so mad right now i'm out for blood, lol. i hope this doesn't ruin the year for us, and i really hope alleria's going to get over it. any suggestions/advice would be greatly appreciated :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2004
Fri, 08-13-2004 - 3:07pm
hugs to you and your poor children!!! i don't have any advice since my oldest isn't in kindergarten yet. but what i'd like to know is what's going on in that teacher's home that YOU should know about? that teacher really has some issues... i can't believe she wouldn't let go of your child. you're a strong mother for letting your dd stay in the classroom despite her confusion and fear. you sound like a very thoughtful mother and you did what you felt was best for your child. your dd shouldn't have had to go through that with her teacher (it really being the teacher's insensitivity)..... yikes. good luck at the PT conference. hope you give us an update.

amanda

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Fri, 08-13-2004 - 5:07pm
How horrible for your dd to go through that.
I would be furious and would have knocked her lights out if she had grabbed my child like that. I hope that your teacher/parent confrence clears things up.
I think she should go to another teacher.
Good luck.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2003
Fri, 08-13-2004 - 6:56pm
I totally agree with Mel on this! If some crazy teacher tried to take my child from me like that I could have lost it and slapped her! How dare she ask if something was going on at home! I hope you can get this resolved, and maybe get her a new teacher.

Shelby

SAHM to Haylei

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
Fri, 08-13-2004 - 7:46pm
Hugs to you and Alleria!What an awful teacher!She obviously isn't very good with children.ANYBODY should no better then to GRAB somebody's child by the arm like that!I would INSIST on a new teacher!And why is this teacher so determined that you shouldn't walk her to class?You are her mommy,and I think it is your business if you want to walk her to class-not the teacher's!It sounds like this teacher is kinda strange.I agree with the others...I probably would have slapped that teacher!

I hope the meeting goes well for you!

Heather
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Fri, 08-13-2004 - 10:23pm
thanks for the support you guys :) things actually went really really good. by the time i got there i was so steamed up and ready to come out swinging, but turns out the teacher was already in so much trouble i didn't even need to. i walked into the principal's office and sat down, and the teacher immediately started appologizing profusely. she told me she was incredibly sorry, that she had no idea what she was thinking, that she knew at the time that she was acting horribly but she couldn't seem to think of what else to do. she told me that as soon as things calmed down in the classroom she started thinking about it and realized that if things had been reversed and she had been in my shoes she would have gone home crying and wanted that teacher's job. i kinda laughed and said "yeah, that's about how I felt!!" anyway, she realized that she went absolutely nuts and freely admited it, and that made me feel alot better.

this morning i had felt soooo guilty about leaving alleria in her class after all that. i knew she wasn't in any actual danger and it would be better in the long run if she toughed it out, but i also knew she was upset and wanted her mommy so i felt really conflicted about leaving her. but after i heard what happened the rest of the day i'm really glad i did. when i finally pried alleria off me this morning i waited outside the door until i could tell that the teacher was rocking her and alleria had stopped crying, then i went upstairs to talk to the principal. then still feeling horrible and guilty i went home to worry for the rest of the day, lol. so in the PT conf i asked the principal and teacher what happened after i left. turns out that after i left the principal immediately went down to the classroom to make sure alleria was ok, and they had some special time coloring together while he got alleria's side of the story. the kids LOVE the principal and the school does a lot to create a good relationship with him, so she was thrilled to get time with him. then the principal had the assistant watch the class while he pulled the teacher outside and talked to her. the teacher then took alleria aside and appologized to her!!! i couldn't beleive she actually appologized to a 5 yo of her own free will, that went a long way towards me not hating her, lol. the teacher and alleria had a good heart to heart and patched things up very well and alleria went on to have an awesome day, one of her best ones yet. alleria spent the rest of the day stuck to the teacher like glue and was so proud of working things out 'herself.' when i picked her up she was just bubbling over telling me all about how mrs dobbs made a mistake but she was really sorry and now they're best friends and alleria got FIVE gold stars today and can she go to school on saturday or does she have to wait till monday, lol.

so after i heard all that i felt MUCh better, to put it mildly :) this is this teacher's first year teaching and i think we just hit a glitch in the learning curve, kwim? plus the teacher had so many good things to say about alleria i couldn't stay mad. in alleria's homework folder tonight there was a note that read:

"alleria is a huge positive influence on her classmates. she is a born peacemaker and is always ready to help those who need it. she is a pure pleasure to have in my class, and i want you to know you've done a wonderful job with her. ~Mrs Dobbs."

ok ok, perhaps it was a shameless ploy at butt-kissing, but it's still going in her scrapbook!!! nothing like a little flattery to get you in my good graces lol.

so thanks for all the encouragement...i hope everyone elses little ones are doing well too. this kindergarten stuff is a whole 'nother ballgame, but it's so neat to watch them growing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 8:39pm
I am so glad to hear that things turned out so well (!) after such an awful start. My heart really went out to you and your daughter. I just don't know what I would do if anyone tried to interfere with me in such a relentlessly ignorant way ("Hey, let's make that separation as traumatic as possible! Welcome to kindergarten!!") while I was trying to help my child. And that "is anything going on at home" comment ... I shudder to think of the things that I would have been tempted to say in response to that nonsense. Good for you for being able to keep your head and handle that situation so wisely. You are very strong. And thank goodness it really was one of those 'off on the wrong foot' misunderstandings. Hope that the rest of the year goes smoothly. That principal sounds like a keeper.

... Not to excuse that behavior in *any* way, but I hear that first year of teaching is a doosie ....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 9:06pm
what a nice post!! thanks for all the kind sentiments, lol. are you new here or have i just missed you before? welcome if you're new, and nice to meet you if you're not :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 9:27pm
That is great that things are good now between the teacher, you and your dd.
Still no excuse on what happened, but at least things are not so tense.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-1998
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 12:35pm
I just read this thread and I am glad things have worked out. My ds started K last week too and just reading what the teacher did got me upset. I think with the abundance of preschool programs some teachers forget that Kindergarten is a HUGE step for many little kids. Luckily for our teacher the majority of the class attended K4 at the same school (across the hallway from the Kindergarten classroom to be exact) so they are used to it and there are only a few kids who have never been to school before.

I don't know what I would have done had I been in your shoes. Our school has only one K teacher. I'm really glad it all worked out and your daughter was looking forward to today.

Dolli

baby growth



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