Help me and hug your kids extra tonight
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| Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:30pm |
I know I am not a regular poster but I need your true attention on this. I need to talk my 3.5 y/o dd about strangers but don't know how to do it so it is age appropriate.
I want books, games, ideas on exactly what to say and how to phrase it, and any other ideas you have. I would like suggestions on books for kids, books for adults, website pritables, pre-school lessons, and how about some practical advice, including how to
calm down. Don't hold back, I really want anything you have used.
Here's the background, on Friday while ds was napping, dd, a day care kid and I were out in the front yard. DD was making faces at dck (5 month old) and they were both laughing so hard, even if my back was turned, I knew they were safe and happy. I needed to put the hose away. I timed it today and it took me 16 seconds to walk from the corner of the yard to the side of the house, drop the hose, turn the water off and walk back into the front of the yard. It was only 9 seconds before I could see the yard and the kids.
When I walked back to the yard, I saw a man standing there. I asked if I could help him and he asked if I saw his little dog. I said no and before I could ask him what color, the name, and where he lived, you know all the good neighbor type questions, he was gone. I didn't think much about it. While I live in a big city my neighborhood is a good one. I pretty much live on a dead end, not many people are around here unless they have a reason. I admit it, my guard was down, way down. DD had stood up and maybe taken a step back in my direction, but essentially she froze. With her being so shy, it was pretty much what I figured she would do. Just recently, like within a month or two, has she just started talking to the cashiers at the grocery store.
When I was done, the girls and I went into the house. Shortly afterwards the elderly neighbor from across the street came over and said, "you need to know, I was watering my window plants and saw that man looking around in the alley, but no sooner did you turn the corner of the house and he approached your daughter, I really think you should call the cops. I was afraid to tell you earlier incase something happened while I was in the stairwell."
There are a lot of "what if's". What if he saw dck? My neighbor said he ever even turned his head her direction. What if I had to roll the hose rather than just putting it down? What if I took longer then 9 seconds because I could hear them having fun? What if he was really just looking for his dog and I am blowing this way out of hand? The cops came in about 5 minutes so I am glad that the call was taken seriously.
I am tripping over how to start. To all the BTDT moms, help me please. I have been swinging from wanting to lock the kids in the house for the next 20 years and realizing even if you want to just stare at the kids all day, you still have to blink.
Wish me well on this hurdle.
Liza
Mommy to Samantha and Travis, who I think are getting tired of all the extra hugs.
Wife to Steve who I am ready to kick in the shins because he has had no reaction to this at all.

Wow, good thing you came back when you did.
I am so happy to hear that they are safe and nothing happened to them. Close call.
Here
Yikes! Sorry you and kids had to go through that. Here are a few websites for you, one is really comprehensive and even has some self defense moves. There is a awesome program called "Escape School" This is a great program and not only teaches children to be aware it teaches them a lot of lures kidnappers use the best part is it actually shows your child how to physically escape from a stranger, including how to get out of the trunk of a car. It does it in a way that is sensitive
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My DH's father was a cop, so he is extra cautious about things, like locked doors and windows, etc. I do not let my children play outside without me, but I admit I have gone back in the house for a few seconds to get things.
I need to discuss this with my kids again.
Becky
Try this book for grown-ups:
Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (And Parents Sane)
by Gavin De Becker
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0440509009/qid=1092803647/sr=ka-2/ref=pd_ka_2/104-8830375-9116745
This guy is GOOood. Ever see those scary expose videos where an investigator tests out some kids (with their parents permission) to see how 'stranger-proof' they are ... and the kids fail miserably! and the parents are (of course) aghast!? This is the guy. He's a security/safety expert. He's been on Oprah ... once, maybe twice. A good friend gave me this book as a shower gift and I think it's one of the top five parent must-have references. It has it all ... from how and when to talk to your kids about strangers (and people they know who might not be a 'stranger' but who might pose a threat) ... to how to check out babysitters ... why you shouldn't dismiss your intuition about strangers ... a lot of his advice really makes you think differently about personal saftey and how to keep your kids safe. The amazon editorial info about the content is more articulate about than my blurb here. Check it out! I think it's excellent.
You just reminded me that I need to pick this book up again ... NOW. I've been 'meaning' to do some dry runs with my dd about strangers and haven't made time to do it. We read the Berenstein Bears book about strangers (mentioned in an earlier post) with my 4.5 year old dd recently and it is good. My daughter has been asking a lot about the subject. Time to get busy. Yikes. Thank you again.
Edited to say: I just read Mel's post more closely and her excellent advice reminded me that the author that I mentioned above is the one who recommends that you teach your children to yell, "This is NOT my Mom! This is NOT my Dad!! I don't know you!! Help!" (something like that) if a stranger ever tries to lead them away (for instance in a crowded mall or other public place). Onlookers might hesitate to intervene in a child/adult stuggle because they might assume it's a parent/child conflict ... I just reminded dd of this advice two days ago when she asked me (again) about strangers. De Becker also recommends that you drill (as in play act) these scenes with your child a few times so they can practice standing up to an adult. The more they have a feel for it, the more likely they will actually DO it if they need to ... I guess because it's more familiar. ?? It seems like good advice.
Edited 8/18/2004 1:55 am ET ET by donachiara