New to this board; SAHM for 5 years...?.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
New to this board; SAHM for 5 years...?.
10
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 12:26pm
My dh works brutal hours; gone more than 12 hours/day. This has been going on for 2 years now, and I think I'm coming to a bit of a crisis about it.

I looked over the parentplace boards and didn't find a bb specific to this situation, but wondered if I might find some moms in the same boat here. I'd like to know how you're coping, particularly if you're in a place with no family. I'd also like to get some sense of reality...such as how much of this is REALLY out of dh's control...

Especially, I'd like to commiserate with some women in a similar situation and see what you do to relieve the stress it puts on you and your family (or is it, as my dh has sometimes implied, really just ME--"everyone else" is doing just fine?

I'm 47.9 (yeah, started a little late in the family building area with my first ds born when I was 40 and my second when I was nearly 45). My boys are Conrad, 7, and Chet, 3. I adore them, but I don't adore trying to parent with my spouse gone such long hours.

Thanks, Debora

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 2:04pm

((Hugs)) to you Debra! I do know how you feel. My husband works horrible hours. Gone like yours for 12 hours a day. Sometimes he even has to work saturdays!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 5:09pm
I kinda know how you are feeling.
My situation is a little diffrent, but I think I have an idea what you are going through.
My husband works 3 weeks out of town and then home 3 weeks and then back again and so on...
It is not easy the 3 weeks he is gone. I have two boys, ages 5 years old and 8 months old. So it is hard having to do it alone for 3 weeks without any help.
When he is home, its like a 3week vacation, he is a awesome father. I am lucky, but I sure do hate his job with a passion.
If you ever need to talk, please email me or IM me, MYoung79 for AOL or Mommie2andrew99 for Yahoo.


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Avatar for rechelle7
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 5:51pm
((((Debora))))

I soo understand how you feel, it is hard having to be the main parent and caretaker. I too am in a position such as yourself however it's been like this since we got married. My dh works 10-12 hour days w/a 24 hour "on call" week (once a month). It's difficult, but I admit I've formed my routine around it. Dh and I have our struggles and it's hard for me not to interfere when he is having to discipline...I just think...he's gone so long and all they want is his attention, but I bit my tongue and tell him in private. I don't have any wonderful words of wisdom but I can offer a big shoulder to lean on, ears to "listen" and tons of hugs and support...you are not alone.

All my best.

Rechelle (sahm to)

Rori,

Rebekah,

AJ,

Cory, and

dsd Allie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 5:50pm
Hi, everyone. Thanks for your posts. I've discovered that it's really cumbersome for me to post separately to everyone, because I'm still on a dial-up modem and the download is PAINFULLY slow. So, if you'll forgive me, I'll just do a broadcast response...I know it's kind of rude. One of these days we'll join the 21st century and get cable or wireless and speed this up.

Anyway, thanks for your posts. It's nice to know there are other people out there in the same boat.

I'd love to discuss this more, but my computer set-up just isn't compatible with these boards right now. I'll check back in another time; hopefully with better technology.

Thanks again,

Debora

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-1998
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 8:23pm
Debora

I will try to get back and post a longer message. but wanted to let you know you are not alone.

My dh is military and is away for 3-4 mo at a time for a total of 7-10 mos per year. this year if he gets home early/on time from his imminent deployment, his total days away will be 250.

He leaves for work at 645 and gets home 6 or later.

I can relate. I have a 5, 2, and 1 year old.

More later!

Welcome

Dolli

baby growth



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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 11:07pm
I totally agree with you. I am a SAHM now for almost three years and my hubby is in the Marine Corps. Sometimes that means 12 hour days, plus homework time as he is completing his bachelors, but right now it means five weeks with him gone. We are in Okinawa, so I have no family around to help and it seems that I have bad luck with friends. Anyhow, I really miss him right now and I don't know quite how to manage either. I have an almost three year old son and my daughter has just turned 10. She is due to go back to school on the 30th, which means my son will lose his favorite playmate.

It's not just you. It's a lonely, tough job. And obviously we know it's important which, I am sure, at least gets me out of bed and putting one foot in front of the other.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 11:52pm

Hi,


I've never seen your posts before so I wanted to welcome you to the board! I am Traci, mom to Matt(7) and Nick(2) and married for 8 years to my hubby Robert.


I have not traveled much so I was curious about how you like living in Japan. Do you live on base? Sorry I am really nosy and curious about daily life in other countries.


I am a huge fan of "Gobe Trecker" it is a travel show on pbs(not sure if you get that there...lol) and the travelers go to so many places I would love to visit. Japan has always been on the top of my list!


I Love Jesus and He Loves Me!




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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Sat, 08-21-2004 - 9:20am
Hi! Thanks for your message and welcome! Been a tough couple of weeks and just posted in another board, because was feeling down. We do live on base. Okinawa is a lot warmer than mainland Japan, it's more like the climate in Florida. Kind of tropical island-ish.

Hubby is gone for about 3 more weeks and it gets pretty lonely, since my family is in Arizona.

But I have been married to my DH for almost 4 years. We have a son who will be three at the end of October and DD is just turned 10 (my husband legally adopted her, she is from a previous marriage).

Can't tell you how happy I am I finally worked up the nerve to post here. :) Everyone seems really great and I could really use some friends.

Please don't feel nosy about asking questions. :)

Sincerely,

Kim
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 12:36pm
Hi all,

It seems like we are all in a similar boat. My hubby is gone any where from 12-15 (or more) hrs a day, and at least 75% of the year! He is in the Army. He has only been in for two years and we will be married for four in Nov. My hubby and I were joking about the seven year itch a few weeks ago, and that for us it will be more like the 14+ year itch with as often as he is gone. We have a three year old and a five week old.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 8:11pm
That's pretty tough, 75% of the year? Ok, you win, I don't think mine is gone that much. *smile*



I noticed you just had a birthday, so happy belated birthday! Mine is exactly a month from yours, Sept. 18. My daughter is also a Leo, hers is Aug. 11. And our wedding anniversary is in November like yours, on the 18th.(I tried to get sweetnovember as our email addy but it was taken everywhere, so settled for the maritalbliss). Bunch of coincidences. :)

Oh, man, is it raining out there! I even halfway worked up the nerve to go to the post office, since I have packages coming but not with that downpour (nothing like a tropical island for sun and TORRENTIAL rainstorms!)

Well, bye for now!

Kim