Mom's Letter to Santa
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| Sat, 12-11-2004 - 7:38am |
Here's a cute one...enjoy!
Dear Santa,
I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my two
children on demand, visited their doctor's office more than my
doctor's, sold 62 cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade
tree on the school playground and figured out how to attach nine
patches onto my daughter's Girl Scout sash with staples and a glue
gun. I was hoping you could spread my list out over several
Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red
crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles,
and who knows when I'll find more free time in the next 18 years.
Here are my Christmas wishes:
I'd like a pair of legs (in any color, except purple, which I already
have) that don't ache after a day of chasing kids, and arms that
don't flap in the breeze but are strong enough to carry a screaming
toddler out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.
I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh
month of my last pregnancy.
If you're hauling big-ticket items this year, I'd like:
1. A car with fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only
plays adult music.
2. A television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing
talking animals.
3. A refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where
I can hide to talk on the phone.
On the practical side, I could use a talking daughter doll that
says, "Yes, Mommy," to boost my parental confidence, along with one
potty-trained toddler, two kids who don't fight and three pairs of
jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.
I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting, " Don't eat
in the living room," "Don't lick the dog" and, "Take your hands off
your brother," because my voice seems to be just out of my children's
hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.
And please don't forget the Play-Doh Travel Pack, the hottest
stocking stuffer this year for mothers of preschoolers. It comes in
three fluorescent colors and is guaranteed to crumble on any carpet,
making the in-laws' house appear just like mine.
If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough
time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the
luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being
served in a Styrofoam container.
If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to
brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare
ketchup a vegetable? It would clear my conscience immensely. It would
be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house
without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized
crime family, or make it so my toddler didn't look so cute sneaking
downstairs to eat contraband ice cream in his pajamas at midnight.
Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my
feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back.
Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the chimney
and come in and dry off by the fire so you don't catch cold. Help
yourself to cookies on the table, but don't eat too many or leave
crumbs on the carpet.
Yours Always,
Mom
P.S. One more thing ... you can cancel all my requests if you can
keep my children young enough to believe in you.

I loved it!
I will be sure to print it and read it each Xmas.