Need someone to listen....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Need someone to listen....
9
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 11:33am
HELLO!!
I am Georgie a stay-at-home mom... My husband lost his job right before Thanksgiving. Luckly he was only off for 3 months and just started a new job this week... 2 HOURS AWAY! Yes.. he is gone like 12 hours a day!
So.. now I understand that I will have to take on everything for the family.(I did most everything before.. bills, cleaning, kids ect.. but now even more!) SO...last night he said " I will be home around 6ish" Well.. I made this really nice dinner.. and waited and waited and waited.... well at 8:30 I finally got a call saying his phone was in his car (he commuted with a friend to work) and he is just now out a traffic and almost home. First I thought.. Ok.. At least he is safe.. then I felt... DID ALL THE PAY PHONES BREAK DOWN, COULDN'T YOU USE YOUR FRIENDS PHONE!? And as you can tell I felt VERY un-appriciated and VERY MAD!! I told him a little about how I felt.. and he said "I am sorry." I think he understand.. but YOU KNOW MEN.. not to sure! I feel overwellmed and taking the brunt of this new job!
ANYONE HAVE A HUG, ADVISE, COMMENTS?!?!
THANKS SO MUCH FOR READING THIS!
Georgie
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 1:31pm

Hugs to u Georgie! You know men don't understand. They really don't, I think they're missing that gene or something! LOL! How many kids do u have? Have ya'll considered moving? Is it not an option? Having other moms to talk to helps a lot! Welcome and I hope u'll stick around!

Amber

Lilypie First Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 1:57pm
Hi,
My husband use to work long hours, from like 8 am - 8pm...It was REALLY hard having a newborn and never ever getting a break b/c when he got home from work e would be soo tired and went to bed! And, yes, I made many many dinners that I had to eat by myself thinking my husband would be home at a decent time!
I use to get really mad, until I realized that he is doing everything for our family(financially). He was allowing me to stay home with my baby and not have to work. This has finally sunk in and I'm a lot more understanding, just take one day at a time!
kate

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 2:18pm

Welcome and (hugs)


Many of us here have hubbies that work longs hours mine being one of them. I usually will not even start dinner until he calls to say he is about 20 minutes away. This way I don't get as much disappointment. If it is going to be a really late night Maggie and I will eat and I tell him to fend for himself. Yes we eat dinner many nights past 7 but we are eating as a family.


So hang around with us it will help your sanity. I just keep telling myself that he works as hard as he does so I can stay at home. And with us he is going to be taking a management position so I fear it is only going to get worse.


Sarah

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 3:53pm
Thanks amber.. YOU MADE ME SMILE!! I did think about it.. but houses are 3X as much there and all my friends and FAMILY are here!! SO.. I would rather be here!
YOU ARE VERY SWEET! I definatly will be checking in!
I have twin boys that are 4.. and you?!?!
Georgie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 4:03pm
What a great way of thinking about it!!! I knew it was going to be hard.. I guess I just need him to know how much I have taken on too.. and appriciate me with a "check in call" or "I am going to be late call" and a hug and LOVE.. after he gets home.. YOU KNOW?!? Maybe I just need to tell him more..
It is going to be hard.. but you advise does help me to think of it a diffrent way!
THANK YOU!!
Georgie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 4:06pm
THANK YOU!! YOU make me feel like I have people to talk to!!! YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN SO NICE AND WELCOMING!!! THANK YOU!!!
It makes me feel better knowing I am not alone.. and there are ways to get through it!
THANKS SO MUCH!
GEORGIE
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 4:36pm
I understand the feeling of doing more. My husband works in Tampa, FL and we are in GA. He is gone 3 weeks and home 3 weeks. It was hard at first, but we manage.
I think it is great that your husband took a job that requires so much of his time, just so he can support his family.
I do not know you guys, but I would not think that he would have meant to be late and not tell you. I get that way sometimes when my husband does not call when he leaves to go to work. I like to know he is safe after flying. But things happen and he must do his job and then call when he has a chance.
Congrats on him getting a job.





Lilypie Baby Birthday

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 5:40pm
Hey, Georgie! Glad I could make u smile. Humor is my stress reliever, lol. Sometimes u just have to laugh or u'll cry! I have 2 girls, Elise is 3 and Olivia's 18mos. We just started ttc#3 this past mo. I live in Arkansas with my dh of 5.5 yrs, Michael. He works 12 hr shifts and takes on extra work a lot so I can be with my girls. So I know how u feel. There's nothing worse than waiting for a time to come all day, it passes and they're still not home!!! Sigh. BUT we're sooo lucky we have men who let help us be with our kids!!! Hang in there, girl!
Lilypie First Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2005
Sat, 01-08-2005 - 12:46pm
I have thought a lot about this type of stuff since I have been a sahm. There are constantly things like what you described happening to me as well and I feel "unappreciated" a lot. I don't know if this applies to other people, but here is what I sort of think about all of it. I guess I feel like I have done nothing but make sacrifices and think of everyone else first since I became a mom. I quit my job (I LOVED it too) to stay at home because I thought it would be best for all of us. Then, even though I have never been a domestic person, I basically turned myself into Martha and learned how to cook and do everything the best way that I could do it. Part of this was because I am a perfectionist, but it is also because I have always been very challenged while in school and then at my job, so even though parenthood is already challenging, I still needed a mental challenge and learning how to do all these things was challenging and kept me focused on something mentally. Then there is the fact that I spend all day every day taking complete care of someone else and feeding them and cleaning them and cleaning up after them and washing their clothes and all the stuff you have to do to take care of a child. So then my husband comes home and I have absolutely nothing left emotionally to give him because I am so drained from all the "giving" I have already been doing. So I expect that he should get what a big deal it is that I made him dinner and did all this other stuff and I am always dissapointed because no matter what he does I guess I just don't feel like he appreciates it enough. I guess I want him to be as unselfish as I feel that I am and think of me first since I think of myself last. The thing is that he just isn't like that. I don't know if it is a typical man thing or what. He is very domestic and does laundry and dishes and cleans and does all the yard work and helps out a lot in those ways, but he does it because he is a self admitted neurotic clean freak, not because he is trying to put himself out for me. He wants to play video games and watch his sports and have his time to relax etc (and he does deserve it because he does work very hard at home and at his job), and I feel like he is being selfish when he does those things. But what I wonder about is whether or not it is really just the way I am perceiving his actions. I think that maybe he is just doing the best he can and living his life and not trying to hurt me at all, and being a stay at home mom is just really hard for me and I can't really take my stress out on my child, so he is the target of all of it. I wonder sometimes if there is no intent to hurt me by his actions or inactions, if I should be hurt by them at all. I think what I want is for someone to just put me first and I don't think he really does that, even though I know he doesn't realize that he is selfish. So is he just being a typical man and doesn't really know how to take care of and nurture other people? I guess I don't know what my point is now, but I just think that if so many stay at home moms feel the same way about feeling unappreciated, maybe it isn't really because our husbands don't appreciate us, maybe it is because they just don't know how to act the way we want them to.