Sofia...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Sofia...
7
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 4:45pm

just wondering what ever happened with your problem with the lady that thought you were best friends?


did you email her back or did Michael? Is she still calling and emailing you?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: lesleymag
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 4:49pm
yes, do tell!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lesleymag
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 5:57pm

Thanks for asking. I'm still alive!! LOL! I freaked the cr*p out of Michael one night when he went to work by telling him if he found me dead, it was her, because she seemed so obsessed. I was mostly kidding, but he did not see the humor, and called me all night! She sent me a bunch of emails after Justin's birthday saying how hurt she was that we didn't invite her boys. I don't even know how she found out about the party, but she did.

I took your advice and emailed her back, saying what you said to say: That we just invited his closest friends. She didn't bite. She called (I didn't answer) and left a message, and emailed, basically saying I was a liar. That that wasn't true, because I'd invited another mom's son from the Twins' Club that was not as good friends with Justin as her sons were (as if she knows), and that SHE is my best friend, and not this other mom, and she was just so hurt and upset with me.

I showed Michael her email. I was fed up in a way, and mad that she was calling me a liar in so many words. I wanted his advice as to whether I should ignore it, or take it a step further. He got miffed that she was second-guessing what I said (calling me a liar), and got very defensive of me. I think he also was worried about the gazillion emails she'd sent me. He decided she's probably psychologically a little unstable. He said "Let me take care of this" so I let him. I will copy and paste the email he sent to her here so you can see what he wrote to her:

>>Hi Laura, this is Michael. We got this e-mail from you and i felt the need to respond to assure
you that we had no intention of hurting either you or Josh and Alex by not inviting them to
Justin's party. We had limited space and could not invite everykid we wanted or that Justin may
have wanted. Please don't take this personallly. I also wanted to let you know that Sofia has been
a bit concerned that perhaps your expectations of friendship exceed what she is able to give right
now. I have a very erratic and hectic schedule as you know and Sofia is basically with the kids
24-7 which takes a tremendous amount of time and energy. I don't even get to spend the quality
time that I would like with my wife, so you're not the only one. While she has valued your
friendship and appreciated your kindness - she has confided in me that she thinks perhaps it would
be best if the two of you only saw each other at twin gatherings. With me gone so much, she
just doesn't have the energy to put into the friendship that you want her to. The reason I'm
writing this to you and not her writing it is that she's very concerned about this and doesn't
want to hurt you, but I'm very concerned about her and how much this has upset her. She has been
honest with you about her time, energy and resources and also about Justin's birthday party, and
is at a loss for words at this point. Please respect her wishes and we both hope you can remain on
good terms with her. I have faith in your maturity since we're all adults and thererfore I know
there won't be any negative ramifications from all this, and that you will respect her in the
mature manner that I know you have. I would hate to see either one of you hurt anymore than you
have been, but naturally my first concern is for my wife in this.
Thanks for listening to me with an open mind -
Michael (Sofia's husband)

MICHAEL and SOFIA<<

Since then, she has not called me (and this was a few days ago), but she has sent me chain emails (you know the kind--prayer chains, jokes, etc), and also just this morning sent me a quick almost one-liner asking if I was coming to the T C dinner next Saturday (and the answer is No, because I'm throwing a barbecue that night for Michael's residents/med students/PA students). I haven't answered her and don't think I will.

She apparently called up a bunch of moms from the Twins' Club and told them about Michael's email. I saw one of my friends from there for a playdate this morning, and she was telling me that Laura was saying my husband overstepped his bounds and should have stayed out of it, that it was between she and I, and she was so shocked he wrote her. But she'd talked to him many times, and even kept him on the phone talking at times, so it really wasn't so out-of-line. Besides, Michael is very tactful and sweet. I would have been much meaner. He is just defensive of me, and I think he got worried, and wanted to make his presence/involvement known, to protect me from any potential future problems. Some people don't have such involved marriages like mine, I realize, but I don't care, really. I just don't want to hear him slammed by her or I'll REALLY get mad. I'm defensive too, LOL! My friend this morning thought Michael did the right thing, and was very supportive.

The sad thing is, she's--like--ruined the Twins' Club for me in a way. I've been in that group for almost 3 years now and made a lot of good friends, but I suddenly feel uncomfortable going. I hope I get over that, but I really don't want to deal with her at all at this point.

I'll let you know what happens if you're interested :) And thanks for your concern!!

Sofia




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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
In reply to: lesleymag
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 6:08pm

wow thats quite the email Michael wrote lol. I'm gonna get him to write all my letters from now on ok lol?


I hope she takes the hint and backs off. As far as the twins club meetings, I'd keep going, dont feel uncomftorable, YOU didnt do anything wrong...she did.


If the other moms want to get involved and take her side, then so be it, they can gladly have her imo lol!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2006
In reply to: lesleymag
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 6:41pm
Wow
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Registered: 01-31-2006
In reply to: lesleymag
Sat, 09-02-2006 - 9:11am

Golly, Sofia, your dh was so much nicer than my dh would've been, lol. He'd've called her a freakin' nut and told her tho stay F away from me and his family. I'm glad he was able to do it his way, though, and it sounds like she got the point.

Erin

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lesleymag
Sat, 09-02-2006 - 9:37am

I think that is a great note he wrote - I sure hope you don't let it affect your relationship with others in your Twins group. That would be sad, to let her ruin the whole thing for you. Truly, I think that if you have a real friend, they will understand what happened, and not listen to her side of story, making you and Michael sound like the crazy people. Hugs hon, and keep us posted.

Wendy

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Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lesleymag
Sun, 09-03-2006 - 3:02pm

You're too funny, Erin! Michael is *never* mean to anyone. Some might consider this a fault. But he still drives the point home (I hope, at least!). I could never, ever imagine him calling anyone a "feakin' nut" and telling them to stay the F away from his family. Maybe if they were threatening us with weapons. Short of that, he is Dr Smooth Talk, LOL! Trust me, I think sometimes the harsher words are necessary, and it's been the source of many an argument between us over the years. Especially when it comes to my mom and SIL and how nice he is to them despite their psycho behavior. . .

I hope this lady takes the clue anyway, even though he was pretty nice about it.

Sofia




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