Soo sad
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Soo sad
| Sat, 09-02-2006 - 10:52pm |
Well, I had an appt. with my lawyer to file for divorce last week and I cancelled. I can't bring myself to file for divorce and I don't know why. I keep thinking of our wedding day, I remember every single detail. It's really sad.
I know what my husband has done is wrong, but I can't stop thinking of the memories we made together and as a family. What went wrong? I would give anything to go back in time and change the things that have happened. The bad thing is now my husband is being nice and understanding. He came to get the kids today and he bought them clothes and bought Vinnie baby snacks, etc... He told me he realizes he needs to stop working soo much and have a better relationship with the kids. WHy couldnt he do this when he was living here?
He was crying the other day saying how bad he messed up and how it's good I'm going back to school. I know he won't file for divorce, he must feel guilty, but he does want our marriage to end. I just think the guilt has overcome him and he can't really look at me anymore without feeling bad. He told me he wants 50/50 custody,it means neither of us have full custody of the kids, they alternate weeks at both of the parents houses. I told him I won't go for that, the kids are all I have and I can't go days without seeing them. Im just confused now, but I needed to get this out..thanks for reading.
I know what my husband has done is wrong, but I can't stop thinking of the memories we made together and as a family. What went wrong? I would give anything to go back in time and change the things that have happened. The bad thing is now my husband is being nice and understanding. He came to get the kids today and he bought them clothes and bought Vinnie baby snacks, etc... He told me he realizes he needs to stop working soo much and have a better relationship with the kids. WHy couldnt he do this when he was living here?
He was crying the other day saying how bad he messed up and how it's good I'm going back to school. I know he won't file for divorce, he must feel guilty, but he does want our marriage to end. I just think the guilt has overcome him and he can't really look at me anymore without feeling bad. He told me he wants 50/50 custody,it means neither of us have full custody of the kids, they alternate weeks at both of the parents houses. I told him I won't go for that, the kids are all I have and I can't go days without seeing them. Im just confused now, but I needed to get this out..thanks for reading.

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I know exactly what you're going through. It's not easy at all.
When I get angry at Chris, to the point I dont want to be with him anymore, I tend to think of the past and that melts my heart. I cant stop thinking of the good times.
But, you need to do it. You are staying in a relationship that is not healthy for you all to be in.
I wish you luck and the strength to do it.
((((Kate)))) I'm praying for you. In the end, you will make the right decision for you and your boys. Try to stay stong, and know that you are not alone.
Chrissy
(((Kate))) I was just thinking about you, and thinking I needed to email you and see how you're doing. Your post actually brought tears to my eyes. I can't imagine what you're going through. Of course you're going to second-guess things and wonder and worry. You built a life with this person, you trusted him, you loved him. You can't just let all that go so easily. I understand. It's like once the initial shock and anger die down, the feelings are probably still there. It sounds like maybe he's beginning to feel guilty and have a lot of regrets.
What you decide to do is ultimately up to you. If you go ahead with filing for divorce, try your best to put all the memories in a safe "box" in your mind, and don't open that box until you feel stronger. No one can ever take those memories from you, Kate. And they weren't all built on a lie. People have problems, things don't work out, but that doesn't mean it was all bad. And look at the beautiful babies that came from your marriage.
Have you thought of counseling for yourself? If anything, just to get some perspective and someone to talk to. I know if it were me going through this, I'd need not only counseling, but probably some anti-depressants too. You're stronger than I am!!
So what's up with school? I saw a DYK about it and I'm so proud of you. So many of our friends are nurses, and even PAs (my DH is the attending physician for the PA students, too, and is the supervisor of a PA). I would love to hear about your educational pursuit, and if you have any questions, email us, since most of our social and all of our career life has been medicine for the past million years, LOL! Here's my email if you ever need it for any reason, to talk, vent, cry, ask questions, etc:
MichaeLUVSofia@yahoo.com
Hugs and prayers to you Kate!!
Sofia
Thanks for the kind words. Just when I think my husband has come to his senses, he messes up again, I think he has some kind of problem. He started all this when Vinnie was born almost 10 months ago. He was fine and then he snapped.
I found out more stuff, that he admitted to! I shouldnt get into it here, but I can email you. So, I think that made me make up my mind. I do go to a counselor every 2 weeks. Im planning on going back to school in the Spring. I'm thinking about nursing, definately the medical field because I couldn't see myself doing anything else. I have to talk to another advisor and I need to decide my major. I have about 2 years of college completed, so I would have to go 2-3 more years for my bachelors degree. Im really excited about it, it will be great for me.
My uncle who is a dr. offered me a job in his office and I would make pretty good money, he said I could do medical billing or he would train me to be a medical assistant.
Yes, email me Kate. Anytime you want. I'm always here for you. I'm sorry he has more stuff to admit to! Ugh. . . But at least maybe I'm glad it helped clarify things for you. And at least he's "admitting" and not "denying" now.
Well, my medical professional sources ;) say DEFINITELY take a job in a doctor's office if you can, especially as a medical assistant. The more patient contact the better, according to Michael. It will look good on resumes and school applications for any medical profession. That's great about your uncle! How lucky. Michael said most PA schools require up to 2 years medical experience if you do go that route, and that some of them are Bachelor's-Master's degree combos. As far as nursing goes, there's such a huge need he says that some hospitals will even pay your tuition if you agree to work for them for a few years after.
I'm excited for you. What is your major? You have a cool career ahead of you. There's nothing more rewarding than helping people, and what better way to do it than medically. You go!!
Hugs,
Sofia
Hugs, Kate. What you are going thru is certainly alot to handle. You are such a strong person. I'm sorry that you feel you can't go thru with it right now. I can imagine I would have some of the same feelings. I agree, maybe you should talk to someone, to help you sort thru all of your feelings. I hope you get things straightened out.
Hugs,
Wendy
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