I dont have any friends...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2007
I dont have any friends...
9
Fri, 02-16-2007 - 10:44pm

Hi. I am not a SAHM, was for almost a year after my third baby was born, but am back to work now 4 days a week. Hope its ok if I post here, I figured if anyone would have any suggestions, you guys would!

I don't have any friends. Not one! I work at a place with people not my own age. I am 24 and they are all over 40(not a bad thing, just not in my age group to hang out with!) It seems since I had kids (my oldest is 5) I don't even meet anyone! I don't go out with anyone other than my DH, and he has guy friends, but if they go out, its like a "guys" night out and no one brings their gf or wives.

I cant just go to the mall and start talking to people, and we live in a small town without many kids groups or anything like that.

Life gets so stressful sometimes, and it would be nice to go have coffee with someone, or to talk on the phone, or just hang out with the kids.

Anyone meet people in "strange" places, or any ideas on where to go to possibly make some friends? Where did you meet some of your really close friends?

I feel stupid asking DH to maybe schedule a night out with a couple friends and their gf/wives. I look desperate!! lol I know HE wouldn't think that, but I would feel like that!

Any advise appreciated!!

pregnancy Mommy to 3 beautiful kids Micah 6 Zachariah 5 Amaya 2 Waiting patiently for number 4~ Lucas Gabriel!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2005
Sat, 02-17-2007 - 1:38am

I would suggest you smile at chat with the cashiers at the stores you frequent.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Sat, 02-17-2007 - 8:25am

Do you go to church? That's a great place to meet people your age because usually (if the church is large enough) the Sunday School classes are divided into couples and singles and then by age. Try out several until you find one with people you click with. I hope you can find some friends soon - good luck!

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2007
Sat, 02-17-2007 - 12:21pm

I know just what you are going through. I moved to a small town in Oct. and have had a hard time making friends. I have found one place and that is McDonalds. I take my daughter there one a week and she plays with the other kids and I can talk with the moms. For me it has been the best place and I have met some really nice people with kids my kids age. Also try the library. Mine has a kids day once a week. If you could take off work for a couple of hours that would be a good place. But if you can, try McDonalds or something like that. There are always lots of kids there on Saturdays, and they do have healthy food now if you don't want to eat junk food. Hope it helps.

Tori

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2004
Sat, 02-17-2007 - 8:41pm

I know how you feel!! I'm 25 and I have a 3 year old and one due in a couple of weeks. When DS was born (a surprise!) I lost all my college friends, who were still doing the bar scene. None of them could relate to me really and we all lost touch. I am a new SAHM and really have only 2 or 3 friends. One is a girl I worked with the last 2 years who is a new mom and the other two I see and talk to rarely (once or twice a month if that).

It's worse that DH does have a guy friend who he goes out with regularly and works as a retail mgr where that whole crowd not part of the stay-at-home-with-kids-scene.

Just wanted to let you know I know how you feel!

Also, now that I do stay home and have more time, I think that maybe having kids will help me in this arena where I've always felt it hindered me before.

You said you lived in a small town, but what about joining the YMCA, taking the kids to the park, or finding a playgroup in a nearby town? Our church has a playgroup and I have yet to take advantage of that, but I might soon. My city also has a new website for moms, which is cool because I think that will be a good way to find something.

Good luck! I hope you find something, I know it's not fun to be lonely!
~Emily

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Sat, 02-17-2007 - 8:59pm

I know how you feel, too! I'm almost 23 with a 16 month old DS and a DD due in two months. It can get very lonely, but I partly blame myself since I'm pregnant and the temperature in the winter time up here is freezing!! (We're talking well below zero.) So in the winter time I can turn into a bit of a hermit.

I think a church playgroup is a great way to meet other moms and other kids. Especially since it will have other women with the same beliefs as you. Libraries often have reading groups for kids that you can get involved with or check your newspaper for events happening and try to attend one or more if you can. It will help you meet other people with your interests.

If your DH has guy friends that you can get along with, I would suggest maybe inviting one of them and their wife over for dinner. You might find that you and their wife have something in common or enjoy talking with each other and it can be nice if the four of you can do things together since you all know each other anyway.

I know I have that problem with the age difference too. I'm almost 23 and DH is 25. Most of the people he works with are much older than him and when I was working there were many girls my age - but not in my situation (kids, husband, housekeeping, etc). Those that had kids were older with older kids so after I quit working I didn't really keep in touch with any of them.

Good luck and take care!

Tarra
Noah - 16 months
DD due 4/21/07

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2004
Sun, 02-18-2007 - 12:27am

When I first read the title of you post I thought I wrote it - lol! I have gone from having several close friends that live close by to knowing no one in my age group with kids in the past year. We moved from Florida (where I had lived for 36 years!) all the way to Wyoming. My friends in FL all had kids around the same age as my older DS - here all the moms of kids my older DS age are at least 10 years younger than me. And NO one the age of DH(DH is 42) and I has a child the age of our baby - when I tell people I have a 16 month old they look at me like I have two heads. Then add to that the fact that I am still breastfeeding ........I am sure you get the picture.

I was a SAHM before we moved, but now DH goes to work (and meets people) and I stay home with the baby then go pick up DS #1 at school and then go back home. Plus the town we live in is small (less than 6000 people), so ........ it is hard to meet people. I totally understand.

I know that probably does not help, but you are NOT alone in having no friends.

Carol
mom to nursling Phillip (16 months)
and Jacob (8 years)


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2007
Sun, 02-18-2007 - 3:49pm
I don't see anything wrong w/ your DH making plans for his friends and their wives/girlfriends to go out some night...I was in the same boat as you, I went from working FT to having my daughter and being a SAHM. When I did, I "lost" all the friends I made, we all went in different directions and I had no one. My husband has a big family w/ alot of female cousins my age, so I started calling them, and also one night my DH & I went out w/ some of his friends & their wives, and I ended up making friends w/ a few of them...it's not silly or desparate, its a way to meet people and make friends. I did it and am glad I did!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 5:06am
Hello, sorry you are feeling lonely, we all go through this at times, it is natural, with small kids to be isolated. But, 40 year olds are not real old, and you may surprise yourself at what great friends older people make. I have alwways had older friends, one being in her 70's i now and i am only 38. I have friends that are sixty that are much more with it than younger people, and you would be surprised, at how interesting older people may be, don't exclude them. Church is an o.k. place to make friends, work is another, groups or organiations you belong to, i go to le leche league, and a play group, wich is a yoga centre. Common interestes and organizations are another, cause you have same interests so you have things to talk about.
Good luck in making friends
arie
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2006
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 11:02am
Hugs to you. :-) I know it can be tough feeling alone. I had my first child at 19 and ALL my friends thought I was cool when I had a new baby, and then it feels like they all just moved on with their own lives and here I was, with a baby and no friends. I'm 27 now and still have not so many close friends but the ones I do have will be my friends forever. I'm a shy person so I have to literally FORCE myself to get out to Moms groups and stuff just to talk with other people. Its SOOO hard but I do it cuz I feel like I'll go insane if I dont. Oh and by the way, I recently joined my church's choir cuz I love to sing. My best friend is in it too so its a good way to see her. Everyone in the choir besides us, is over 40--actually, most are even pushing 60 and there's two guys who are at least 70! They are SO MUCH FUN!!!! Once your older and out of high school or college, or even if you just have a child, you really are part of the real world and people just become other people-some are just older than you and thats ok. Your co-workers might be really fun if you got to know them really well. My good friend is 27 like me but her best friend is 50. So age really ain't nothing but a number.
Good luck hun,
Jen L.