No joint account
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| Fri, 02-23-2007 - 12:28pm |
Hello ladies,
I need advice.
I am planning to relocate to be with my fiance. He works, I will need time to find a job, which in his area is not easy for someone in my fiend. We are also talking about a baby, so in that case, I won`t be working for some time.
Now, we talked about finances. I asked if we`re going to have a joint account. He doesn`t see the need for it. He says that he`ll just give me money for expenses (food, bills, transportation) in the beginning of the month.
Doesn`t it sound strange ? I`m used to be working and being independant and I`m not used to asking for money, so for me, imagining that I have to ask him for something extra and then wait until he goes to the bank and withdraws money, it would be really uncomfortable.
Any thoughts ?
Thanks

Seperate bank accounts when you're just shacking up is a wise idea. However, if you're married, you're supposed to be two becoming one. All moneys are FAMILY moneys, because it all goes to the greater good of the unit. To have one closed off having to ask permission (even if the answer will always be yes) reduces it to two being two, and more specifically, reduces what should be a joint equal partnership down to a parent/child relationship.
I would never marry and produce children with a guy who wouldn't join finances, because it's an attitude, a mindset of seperation that is not indicative to the unity of
I am in that situation and I don't mind it. I have access to our line of credit if I need money for an emergency. DH gives me money when he gets paid on the 15th and the 30th. I have had over spending issues in the past, so this is a good way for me to monitor what I spend. I have an allowance and I am ok with that. Seems many people are not, but it works for us. My husband is the breadwinner (I do work part time 2 nights a week as a volleyball instructor but that is MY money) and he pays all the bills. I do not want that responsibility. If I need extra I ask and I will receive if he has the extra money to give me.
I think you have to do what feels right for you. I do not agree with the others saying how terrible it is. I think it is no different than any other debatable subject like the family bed. It doesn't work for everyone and you have to do what you both are comfortable with.
It really is up to you and what you are comfortable with.
I think your red flag is that you are uncomfortable. You have to do whatever feels comfortable to you and future dh. However, I would make sure that there was room for negotiations if it's not working.
My dh and I had "seperate" accounts when we first got married (and I was working). We used one account for the bills and the other for savings, food, misc., and play money. It just didn't work for us. So we consolidated after a couple of years and it has worked much better. I think seperate accounts can work but not if it is considered your money/my money and then you come home from working so your money is actually hand-outs from his money.
Also, there are so many issues that many women face when they first become a SAHM if they have previously worked. I didn't think I would have any of them and then there I was right in the middle of questioning self worth and whether or not I had made the right decision or not. Luckily that didn't last long and I am so glad I made the decision 3.5 yrs later but I can promise you I would have had a much harder time if my husband was "giving" me money instead of managing "our" finances.
HTH and good luck!
Amy
Dylan's father and I have separate accounts...BUT we're both with Bank of America, so you can transfer money online, instantly, with the click of a button.
We both keep our financial independance, but can share funds when needed quite easily.
Visit more pictures of Dylan!
"Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people." -Eleanor Roosevelt
You didn't ask for this, but: I would not relocate without a job or without being married. And I wouldn't marry someone who didn't want a joint account after tying the knot. The "allowance" thing sounds really patronizing to me. Whether you work or not, you're not the little wifey, you're his equal partner.
I'v been a SAHM for 9 years and have never had to ask for money from DH. We both have access to our accounts. I would never make a major purchase without discussing it with him and he wouldn't do so without discussing it with me.
If you don't trust each other with money, how on earth will you trust each other to raise your children?
"If you don't trust each other with money, how on earth will you trust each other to raise your children?"
I agree with this poster 100% on this.
just my two cents
arie