Needing some advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2007
Needing some advice
4
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 2:44pm

Good afternoon everyone! I am in need of a little parenting advice regarding a somewhat difficult/rebellious tween.

Here's the deal. My son has always been a little defiant, but now he has gotten to the point where the usual discipline just isn't working. If I ask him to do something he says, "no". If I tell him he's going to be punished he says, "so". He's just not responding to anything. Yesterday he wanted to go to a friend's house but I said no because it was too late in the evening. He said he was going to go anyway. I told him if he walked out the door he would be in big trouble. He said he didn't care and left anyway...he didn't go to the friends house, he just went to the backyard...but the point is he disobeyed me.

He used to at least listen to his Dad, but now he's not even listening to him.

The punishments I usually give out are: Take bike away for the day, no friends for the day, sending him to his room, making him write an essay...now none of it is working.

godiva mom

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2007
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 4:03pm

HUGS to you!

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2007
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 4:19pm

I am sorry but I really have no advice for you.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2005
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 5:23pm

Ugh...I don't ever want those days to come.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2006
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 7:29am

Ugg sorry you are going through this. I was in a long term relationship with a man that had a 12 yr old ds, 9 yr old DD and a 5 yr old DS. It was very difficult, one because I was the only mother they had, and 2 we were both military so we were gone alot.

There are a few things that helped with the oldest. He was brilliant to begin with, testing genius levels, so that made it difficult because he was bored. I would give his crap right back to him, he asked to do something after he had been a monster, I said NO! He asked why, I would ignore him, and he would Say But MOM I want to do this, I'd say SO! It frustrated him, but he realized that's what he did to me. I know it's hard to hear it's just a stage, but it is, at 2, they test their limits with parents, they do it again at 5-8, then again when they get to the early teens. It doesn't end, I call it the Evil Hamster wheel. Kids need boundaries, set them and stick to them.

I have a chart in my house, the kids act up, they get a point, we have a set point system, 5 points, they lose something, 10 points, they lose something and they are punished, etc.
We also do military training, it sounds worse then it is. Every point, they do 5 pushups, it distracts them, and they forget what they were doing. They like to do them, and I know they are getting excersise.

There are so many other things that I do, but my point is, stick to a schedule, a routine. He will get used to it, look for it, and know the consiquences of his action. If the kids get no points in a day, they get a treat, We keep a bowl with little pcs of paper in it, that has things like, a trip to the park when mommy says, or staying up an hour later on school nights. Silly things but to them, they have learned to expect it, and they enjoy it.

Good Luck to you and lots of (((HUGS))))
Joey

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