co-worker..from.......

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2003
co-worker..from.......
9
Sat, 01-24-2004 - 8:29am
Hello Hosts.. cl-cmckslp,& cl-jacquilynne...and anyone else reading my complainig..yet again.

(btw..I'm interviewing different positions)

My office (tiny) of 6..is very dysfunctional.. & sick/stupid dynamics there. Without explaining them all..(I've posted replies,etc here numerous times about diff. things) just wanted anyone's opinion on this "nurse" I have to work very close with..for now. Or has anyone else ever worked w/someone like this.

This person is very manipulative,backstabbing..but that's the least of your worries. She seems to be "mimicking" everything about me..what I do,say,am, dress,etc.. I can't explain it. strange! And it was so insidious..we started about the same time-me 1 mo earlier 8yrs ago. I do my job, always cheerful,etc.. & don't/didn't worry about "office politics,etc" until all of a sudden; I was drained emotionally every day..and angry & "in trouble",etc.. I realized/saw what was really going on.

When I am talking to a patient in a room.come out--I find her (unless it's too busy) lurking.. & LISTENING..THEN she "takes over" the patient--and "mimics" what I've said--ie: my care/concerns,sympathy or whatever I've had or said to the patient. She is a very cold person; selfish,.. it's quite hard to explain w/out sounding untrue. She will tell you--at least she tells me very often with cold,empty eyes..about HATING every (dirtyword) patient,etc.. "they're all trying to get drugs,faking it,stupid,ugly,etc"..and much worse. She isn't nice.......most patient's complain of her attitude/jabbing shots/etc.. except the ones she has literally mimicked what I said to them. Whatever I'm doing..........if I catch her eye.. I have to look away.. groan..I can't explain it..she has this stare... like sick... like.. wanting to know what I'm saying,etc.

She repeats things I've stupidly told her..telling "my" event/happening/problem/whatever to the others.. then giving me a smug,evil look>> !! strange.(I tell her NOTHING..when I think of it, but it's not my nature to not be open..and unfriendly,& natural,caring,etc.. for example: we were discussing our pets a while back.. I mentioned to her a friend of my daughter gave her a big lab..& "the other day I came in & found the lab had chewed several places of the sofa"... well, a couple days later.. everyone was sort of standing around chatting.. about their pets... I asked in general (wanted to scream later at myself).. if anyone's dogs had chewed their furniture...this "nurse" jumps in LOUDLY... talking FAST..tells how HER daughter's dog chewed her ENTIRE sofa up one day............everyone "exclaimed,etc" over that... this person.. gives me this smug look....... I've never known someone like this. I think it's sick. I used to confide to this person.. where I was planning vacation,eat outs,etc..... this happened EVERY time.........."like stealing my ideas.." Does anyone think this is sick???

It took me a while to see this...........she is sooo insecure.... & ...lost.. I've tried "befriending" her all these years... nothing has ever changed or helped. Many others have left the office b/c of her backstabbing. And her backstabbing is 100times worse than her.. whatever you call this stuff she does. I've seen/heard her through the yrs.. almost attack someone... for "calling her on it".. or confronting/questioning her abuot some inane thing. She's a big bully.

When I get new scrubs,shoes,hairdo/cut,whatever........SHE goes the very next day/or that evening--gets the EXACT same thing.... I've heard her tell a new employee..or someone how "we decided to get the same thing..or worse--SHE got what I did".. sick.

But the worst part of it all...........the dr. seems to adore her. And I admit, when you first meet her..and unless you truely know this being...she is very good at her "pretense of normalcy".... she gives him..and othes "my views"..if I get stupid & say something w/in earshot of her...

sorry this was so lengthy..it's just so tiring...and confusing..

I haven't told all about her.. she's done some cruel,cruel,sick things to me & others who've left.. (when you tell the dr. he.. calls YOU jealous..lol so others have left) I've seen/heard her report someone for drugs,whatever..& evily laugh to me.about getting them into trouble..etc.. she's horrible..

anyway, anyone ever work with someone like this??

I always worked in hospital..never a small office--& will never again.. smile..

just curious..

Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 01-24-2004 - 9:25am

As I was reading your post I was forming my opinion and was pleased to see you have the same gut feeling.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2003
Sat, 01-24-2004 - 11:18am
Hi Sharon,

Thank you for taking the time to read my "bellyaching" about this person. whew.. it is so frustrating. Especially, like your co-worker .. when SHE gets all the "rewards" for virtually everything I have done/said/suggested/etc.... I guess you understand what I feel. The dr. I work for.. gives her..and only her 99% of his attention.. I guess so that she will leave the "bullying" behavior at a minimum..but it sure as heck is hard to stand there w/him petting her,giving ONLY her $$/gifts/cards/etc.. for her b-day's,etc.. many other employees have left b/c of this. (there's only 2 other positions..besides me,& the dr. & his daughter).. anyway, it seems he & she really respect,adore,etc this person;but when I step back; maybe he "sees" her severe insecurity & knows how downright mean & sometimes dangerous she has been in the past if he gives one iota of "attention" to another. Most can't take it. I'm the only one who has stayed.It's very difficult to stand there & watch this dr. literally seem to respect her so much..and give her so much.. and literally never acknowledge these other employees.. when she is the most obnoxious,empty,cold,cruel,mimickingly sick,bullyish person I've ever known.

He literally comes in.....and ONLY greets her. Hasn't spoken to me or any of the other revolving door employees in YEARS. (other than work) Me & the other 2 have had family members DIE; or other terrible luck/problems... yet he only talks to her throughout the day..about her animals,problems,health,etc..He gives her $$ often............anyway..... thank you for understanding my frustration w/this stupid situation.yes..I know she doesn't want to truely be "me"..lol..... but she has done literally everything I have done..since I've been there. From vacations, to what books she "reads/discusses" when my pet got lost,stolen,killed Hers did..when I plant a certain flower->ditto.. all these yrs, hundreds of stuff..she "ran & told the others..what I had just told her..then gave me a cruel smug look... Now that I'm trying very hard & consciously to not give her 1 personal bit of info.......I catch her staring at me...& starting "talks" up..seemingly to try & get info from me...sick. Oh..forgot to mention she tells me very often..how much "fun" it is playing mind games w/people...and how I should try it.. she seems "void" of true.. everything ... & simply lives her life..& relates to others,etc...by mimicking those around her.......she also..JABS shots into people..and very frequently gives the wrong meds/injections,etc..& the dr. still rewards her.. tells me many times how she "hates everyone.." I've just never seen anything so sick........ ps. to anyone thinking of telling me what a NUT I am to stay,&/or crybaby/complain/etc... I KNOW.. smile.. I think I've had enough.... it just helps to tell another who's "been there" ..

angel
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-1999
Sat, 01-24-2004 - 1:27pm

Angel,


Sharon definitely had good words for you. I can't think of anything to add: be nice to her, don't be overly

 

winter 2010 siggy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2003
Sun, 01-25-2004 - 12:53pm
I too work with someone who followed me around (for a year) and mimic me. I finally put a stop to it but it was hard. She had become obsessive about me and my family and it was starting to get scary. I tried talking to her and thought we would come to an agreement but the behaviour would start up again. I realize now I should have gone to HR but I had never done that in my life as I thought you did not rat out fellow employees but handled it yourself. I had to quit talking to her altogther and I mean altogther. Her work habits are horrible (lazy, inept)and manages to bystep her mistakes by blaming others or outright lying. The following around and mimicing stop but my God, did I become a target. If it had just been me, then I knew it was something I could work on but it is all of us. You mentioned the dr thought she was great. This person also has two sides and never lets the higher-ups see how she is. She can make a a cruel joke about someone who just died to us but acts respectfully in front of others. She has no empathy to the sick and dying She is potentially violent and some of the girls are afraid of her. One of my fellow workers asked if we all had the same issue, why don't they just address the one person who is causing it all. But life isn't like that and I wish you well, because we are still living it. You did the right thing about not talking about your personal life anymore. There's a site called Workplace Doctors Q & A about the worksite - I'll try putting the link on as it is a bit helpful -

http://www.west2k.com/wpdocs/qarchive.htm#Troublesome%20Coworkers

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2003
Thu, 01-29-2004 - 8:41am
Thanks zappy,

My office is just a tiny 6 employee dr. office--literally. It is old-fashioned,etc. This person is VERY good at following other's "lead" on feelings,caring, thoughts,etc.. It is soo difficult holding myself in.. I mean, not being so caring about the patient's-> w/in ear/eyeshot of her anyway. She uses my same exact words verbatim.. on her dealings with patient's & sometimes others. She is the most insecure person I've ever known. But the most difficult part.. is that the others (dr. included) don't see her) and "love" her dearly. I stand back..in the background..doing my job..and am amazed at her "act" of normal human emotions..when she is void..and at people's blindness to her. She has this "little girl" voice asking people "how they are,etc".. then out of eye/ear shot.. telling me (w/her sick,cold,cold, empty eyes) what a ++$#% they are,etc.. Whenever the dr. gives her $$$ (I mean hundreds).. for a "problem" I overheard or she let me know was made up....or the dr. giving her my credit,or him "getting onto" me for finding a dirty needle stuck into a chair in a room-> she did.......... she gives me this sick,cold,mean look.. "smug".. drives me crazy.

Anyway, I try my best to avoid eye contact w/her..b/c of her "staring" at me.."stealing" "me"/etc.. (I know that sounds weird) , I tell her NOTHING unless I get tired, & "normal" & off-guard.. but always pay for what I said later--

Thank you for taking the time to read this... sigh............

ps. I talked to the dr. several yrs ago....lol what a joke. He told me I was a VERY "sensitive" person.... and NEVER had much to do with me..actually had NOTHING to say to me (other than work) .. after that.

I'm just SHOCKED that no-one "knows" her but me. she makes soooo many unethical nursing mistakes... and is very disheveled,unprofessional.. I look around all day..for her dirty needles.. she's casually left laying in room or jabbed into chairs, & other filthy, bad mistakes.........b/c the dr. blames me... (that's how good she is)
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2002
Thu, 01-29-2004 - 2:13pm
I think you're doing the only thing you can...looking for another job. Good luck.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

.  -Albert Einstein

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2004
Thu, 02-05-2004 - 4:50am
Hi angel,

Unfortunately I don't have any advice to give, but I'm posting to share my own experience.

I just want you to know that you are FAR from being alone. If you go to the "work" section in articles they have one where they list 14 difficult personalities and how to deal with them. I met a woman who was the crybaby, the rumormonger, the scapegoat, the eggshell, the pessimist, and the criticizer all rolled into one. Here's my story:

I worked for a family owned company for several years that's highly regarded in my industry. I loved my job, and I don't just mean that lightly. I truly loved and felt fulfilled with the work that I did. Well, a few years ago we acquired a smaller (also family owned)company and their employees were integrated into their respective departments in our company. The owners of this smaller company became principals at ours.

Well, a woman with a similar position to mine was moved into my department. We'll call her "Whiney". Anyway, "Whiney" seemed very nice and was very friendly with me, always complimenting me on my work and asking my advice, etc. We started on the same level, not management, not executive, but that would all change. Before long I noticed that I had much the same problem as you angel. This woman would praise me to my face and then talk trash about me when I wasn't around. The strangest thing was that she seemed to have some sort of fixation on me, trying to dress like me, getting the same haircut, and doing that whole mimicking thing. People would joke around with me about her calling her "single white female" after the psycho in the movie.

Meanwhile back at the ranch, everything seemed right with the world. Everyone in my department, including myself, was very excited about this merger because the new company was very laid back and fun, and we hoped that would rub off on our stuffy corporate office. I guess I should have seen the writing on the wall when the director of our department had a run in with her and GOT FIRED. We didn't exactly love this director, but we genuinely respected her for all of her years in the business. It turns out that Whiney complained about the director to her old company boss who was now one of our principals. She had crying fits and victimized herself to the whole department and we felt sorry for her. Big mistake! Afterwards, a few more employees were let go and we began to notice that they had all had run ins with "Whiney". All the while her role in the department started getting larger and larger and she was promoted a few times. It seemed that every time she complained to her former boss about something she'd get a perk thrown at her to keep her quiet. I'm surprised she was able to get any work done because she was always in someone's office crying her eyes out or ranting about something. I am not exagerrating at all when I say this. At least one hour of her day would be spent sobbing or complaining. We tried to alert HR about what was going on and were dragged into endless meetings trying to get things ironed out and get the department back to normal. Needless to say, Whiney would start the waterworks a few minutes into the meetings and we'd all end up more frustrated and exhausted than when we began.

Things did go back to normal for a little while, but Whiney started making trouble again. This time she went after my supervisor. She would talk about her behind her back to anyone that would listen, including her old boss (now principal) and even tried to get me to turn against her. It was the creepiest feeling I have ever had. Just as we expected, my boss was fired shortly afterward. I knew from that moment that I was in trouble. It was clear that anyone she felt threatened by would get the boot. I never condoned Whiney's behavior, and I guess it really annoyed her.

Anyway, I was leaked information that Whiney was trying to get a replacement for my position so they could fire me within a few weeks. I can't say I was surprised, but I was still devasted because of the amount of time and energy I had given to the company. I worked over 60 hours a week because I had to keep taking on work from the people that got fired! The executives respected and appreciated me and I hoped someone would at least defend me. Well, nobody did out of fear of this woman. They weren't stupid, she got rid of a director. So, I decided to act first and resigned. On the day I resigned, Whiney pulled me aside and in her saddest puppy dog face told me how upset she was that I was leaving and wished I would reconsider staying. I wanted to jump on this woman and throttle her! I could not believe the nerve she had saying that to me when she was trying to get me fired! In a way I guess I got the last laugh because the replacement she thought she had fell through right after I left and they have yet to fill the position.

I haven't worked for a few months now and I'm starting to lose hope. I feel bitter about the corporate world at the moment because of this horrible experience. I'm at the point now where I believe that you're not judged based on your work performance but by how much you complain, and whose @$$ you kiss. I have such a bad taste in my mouth over the whole thing. I can only hope that I find another job that I really like and regain the positive attitude I once had. Anyone have any advice on where to go from here?

Thanks for letting me spill and vent! :)

CV

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2003
Thu, 02-05-2004 - 8:11am
Hi CV--(love your name)

I'm sorry that woman succeeded. It's STRANGE! The office I'm in..is family. Dr.---HIS 23yo daughter the MANAGER..(my "whiney" manipulates her--& kisses *&^%--& daughter LOVES her) (btw--daughter doesn't "like" me.. she freq. rolls her eyes if I get "stupid/normal" & talk to her.. when she is telling the "nurse's--"both of us".. something needs done,etc.. she ONLY looks at the other "whiney"...NEVER me) Anyway, then there's the new ladies up front--insurance clerk--"63yo,dr & whiney's age; and HER daughter -> the recep.--->those position's have been revolving doors. Then me & the other "nurse".. We used to have a Physician's Assistant--the dr. was VERY disrespectufl of him-won't get into that.

Anyway; I don't understand why these type people succeed. My person.. exaggerates & tells them at least 3-4times/week about some HUGE crisis at home..like car trouble, animal trouble-- all the time, all day long everyone pets her.. & believes her,etc.. the dr. gives her $$$ often for these "crisis's".. I mean hundred's. As I said, she is very,very unkempt w/food all over her all the time. Her shoes are muddy..she's over weight (I don't mean that in a bad way).. but filthy. She talks VERY loud on phone to her family when they call--btw they call at least 8 times/day-- the dr. comes in and ONLY greets her. She leaves dirty,used needles everywhere; makes big mistakes,etc.. anyway; he always just puts me down. STRANGE. The dr. doesn't like people/patient's who show emotion. He only rewards/respects cold,detached, "outfor themselves" people.. he has told us all..and everyone since I've been here.

Anyway, this person gets her "power' from his & daughter's stroking her daily. If ANYONE gets any hint of attention from he or daughter----this woman becomes very depressed,evil,etc.

I am very careful which of her mistakes I don't "cover"/fix..he gets on to ME for them most of the time. I have to get the needles up from the rooms,chairs,etc.. or I'M IN DEEP DOODOO. Anyone who ever complained/talked to him about this person.. was ridiculed, put down, & he NEVER spoke to them again..they all left. He calls you a "sensitive crybaby tattletale,etc. (yes, me too)

Anyway, It's very,very draining to watch your backside all day long. And to have NO-ONE "see" this person.

I will never understand people like that. I'm sorry you are burned out. I hope you find a great job w/ decent people. I smile at the dr./daughter/& this nurse.........all day, day in,day out..I pretend to be stupid..in that I stay. I stay in the background..let her play her stupid ego trips-- I cover for her--only to keep myself from made fool of. I don't tell ANYONE at this office ANYTHING.

good luck,

Angel
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2004
Thu, 02-05-2004 - 12:55pm
Hi angel,

Thanks for the well wishes. Thanks for the compliment on my name. It's exactly what I feel like. I'm at a loss myself. I don't know why people like this succeed either. I could not believe how unprofessional this woman was allowed to behave and was never corrected! The people that behave this way are usually insecure just like you said. I don't know why, but they feel validated by getting attention for their childish behavior. It just blows my mind. When I think about it I just shake my head. Don't they realize how bad they are acting? Whiney was the same as your "nurse", she always had some elaborate story of which she was a victim, or she was off crying somewhere because someone wasn't paying attention to her. I remember one incident where one of the owners paid me a compliment on a project that I had completed. She was standing next to me at the time and started crying saying that she "will never be accepted". It's not like she worked on the project with me, I had done it solo, but the fact that I was complimented in front of her made her upset. After that she made sure to put on her saddest face whenever we were in a meeting with this owner. It was ridiculous!

I think you're going about it the right way angel. It's good that you keep to yourself and don't talk to anybody about this "nurse." That's the best thing to do until you decide to find something else or don't have to work with her anymore. I wish you lots and lots of luck! It's my hope that both of us and the rest out there in a similar situation will eventually find jobs that we truly enjoy and are appreciated for. I try to look on the bright side and say that I'm better off. I know it's tough but stay strong and just keep reminding yourself that you are a better person. In the meantime, please keep posting. At least you're getting it off your chest.

Take care,

CV