workplace bully

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
workplace bully
13
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 4:29pm
I am having a bit of a problem at my job with a bully. I am currently being tomented on a daily basis by a girl who works in my same department store but on a diffrent floor.This gilr goes out of her way everyday to note when I go to lunch where I go and proceeds to stalk me...all over the fact that she thinks I am interested in a co-worker of our which isnt true. I know she can deny everything I say If I tell my boss. But it is getting to the point where I dont want to go to work...I'd rather quit. I should add that I have been with the company for a year while she just started. She often "bumps" into me in the hallways, giggles to her friends when I'm in ear shot and I'm afraid these high school like antics may lead to more adult atacts like damage to my car or physical harm outside of work. I dont know what to do...should I quit my stable job?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-1999
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 4:46pm

Welcome to the board!


Why let a bully win? Often, if you ignore them, they will go away. If she does damage your car or something criminal, file a police report and press charges. Chances are, though, it won't go that far if you don't pay attention to her.


 

winter 2010 siggy

Avatar for madisonkl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 10:52am
I am a lurker who has learned a lot from this board and decided to add my 2 cents to this post. It is not as easy as you think to just ignore someone when they are bullying you as the CL suggested. I have been dealing with a bully in my office for almost a year and when you have to work with someone on a daily basis, you cannot just "ignore" them. Plus the things you are trying to "ignore" can hurt your feelings and add tension to the entire office. In my case, my manager (who is a man that wants everyone to like him) wasn't even able to work things out between us but since my bully is the only person of color in our office, he caters to her because he is scared she will go the EEO board about any disclipanary action taken against her. She even wrote me an email that she wishes I was dead and the only reason she doesn't like me is because I am an upbeat person who gets along with everyone. I even went to my HR department and she was counseled on our harrassment policies & that was it.

My only advise is to do your best to stand up for yourself in all situations and try to put forth the demeanor that you are not afraid of her. Your feelings will be hurt that someone can be this cruel to you and it will be stressful but I have learned there is no way you can change the way someone feels and acts toward you. Try your best to document as much as you can and save any correspondence.

Hugs,

~Madison

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 1:12pm

Document, Document, Document. If this person is truely harassing you document everything. Then take it directly to human resource or your manager. This person sounds like she is creating a hostile work place. And that is against the law. Cover your booty and keep good records.


Just my opinion.


-Malissa

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Wed, 01-28-2004 - 9:17am
Sorry to hear of your problem. I agree with the others. Document! Oft times just ignoring them will not make it go away. I have learned from watching what my company does. They document everything on their employees especially the troublesome ones. This is usually how they build a case against them if they want to fire them and not lose their arbitration or legal battle.

I also find as weird as it may seem that most people have more respect for you if you stand up for yourself. I had always thought to ignore or avoid confrontation might be the best way to go. People will just walk all over you if you let them. Sometimes they will do it just because they can and not because they have any certain problem with you. I have witnessed this in my workplace.

So document, document and I hope you find peace in your workplace soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-1999
Fri, 01-30-2004 - 12:43am

Welcome

 

winter 2010 siggy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2003
Sat, 01-31-2004 - 3:42pm

Hi there, I haven't posted to this board before, but when I saw this I just had to add my 2 cents.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-1999
Sat, 01-31-2004 - 4:22pm

Thanks for sharing your story with us, Cara...and your dogs. I'd like to caption them as "Who me?" and "What're you guys up to?"


 

winter 2010 siggy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2004
Sun, 02-01-2004 - 9:38am
Hi, I am a lurker and just wanted to add a comment. First, I agree with the others that documentation is the best thing to do. This girl has "issues", and you want to make sure your booty is covered in the event her stalking escalates. Keep a notebook and write down every incident with this girl. You must include the date, time and location. For example: Feb. 1, 2004 9:05 a.m., Elevator #1: "x" bumps into me and says "......."; Feb.1. 5:00 pm, Parking Garage: "X" is hanging around my car and quickly leaves when she sees me." What she is doing is a form of sexual harassment, which doesn't necessarily have to be sexual in scope or from a man to a woman only. Check your company's policy on sexual harassment and if they have a group that accepts complaints there, you might want to file a complaint. Also, I would report your concerns to the Security division of the store so that they are aware of what is going on. And yes you should discuss this with your boss so that they are aware of this as well. Thus, you have a documentation trail.

You need to take your power back. A bully is usually someone who is tremendously insecure and feels better about themselves by making others more miserable than they are. If you react to her by getting mad for example, or visibly upset, she wins. Be cool and do the things you need to do behind the scenes, quietly --and don't share what you are thinking of doing with your friends. keep this close to your chest.

Good luck!

Water

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-1999
Sun, 02-01-2004 - 12:48pm

Again, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for coming out of lurker status! Your post said exactly what I was trying to say about ingore her or she wins, but also document, just in case something happens later.


Message boards are a great way of sharing, clarifying, and boucing off new ideas. Please post more here...we'd love

 

winter 2010 siggy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2003
Sun, 02-01-2004 - 7:20pm

Thank you!

 

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