A Little Better Explanation ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
A Little Better Explanation ~
14
Sat, 04-26-2003 - 3:58am


I didn't know this board existed or believe me I would have been here before! For those who replied to my message, thank you for your love and support! That means a lot. I am 58, but the man in my life is 48 and his son is 14. We have been together for 3 years May 11th and have lived together for 2 1/2 of those 3 years. When he came into my life I felt as though I had finally met the man I'd waited for all my life, I still do. We have both been through terrible marriages and divorces. I was married for 19 years to my last husband. Had to go through extensive therapy and a wonderful support group to learn who I was and that I mattered too. Men can really destroy you and take you down. Anyway, aside from making some wonderful friends in the support group and we have all stayed in touch for 5 years now, I was experiencing the joy of independece and having my own home, but still lonely when I met Neal. We hit it off right from the start. The only thorn in this whole thing is his son. I admire him for being such a good dad, but by the same token, I think he goes overboard a little too much. When his ex-wife re-married and moved an hour and a half drive away and it's become too difficult for him to go pick up his son after school anymore, which by the way he's been doing 3 days a week, that's when he started thinking about getting an apt. across from his school so he can see him more. How do you fight someones love for their kid?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 3:11am
Thank you Dannie! I appreciate hearing the different opinions from all of you. You are probably right in what you say, I just guess I selfishly want to keep him here with me. We have lived together 2 1/2 years and been together 3 and it's hard to think of him leaving even if for a while. No firm decisions have been made yet. JoAnne
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2002
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 6:11am
Good Morning Joanne

I feel you're making the right decision in not fighting him on this issue as you're right it probably will only hurt the relationship.

If you support him in this, no matter how hard that may be for you I'm sure he'll appreciate it. You can't ask him to choose between you and his son. Give it time and see what happens.

In the mean time keep coming back here and you'll find friendship and support, Look forward to hearing from you and hope you can find some solace in knowing you are doing the right thing even though it may hurt right now.

Val

                                      

Avatar for 19strawberry50
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 12:30pm
Hi Joanne!I was just wondering about your situation! Could your DH be jelous of the new step father in your sons life? How does your step son treat you? I hope that I'm right about this. My feelings are that your DH will get that appartment, then will start to miss you too much and be back with you more and more! Once he sees that his son is getting busy with his friends more! I think it will be a novaltiy to have dad close by for a while. I'm just a romantic at heart! My third DH, that i'm with now, never had any children, or even married before me! So he can spoil me all he wants! and I'm loving it! we went together for alittle over a year before we got married! and got married 1 1/2 years ago now! My oldest DD is the only one so far that has not met him! I'm praying for your dear Husband to make the right decisions! and that you hang out here with us gals!

SusieK
SusieBirdy.gif picture by queenymom52
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 3:28pm
hi joanne,

there is no way to fight a father's love for his child. any really would you want him any other way? probably not, i'm sure.

my only advice is to be supportive of him in any way that you can. how does his son feel about you?

hope you will keep coming back to the garden.

ellen

 

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