Families can be so frustrating!!......
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Families can be so frustrating!!......
| Mon, 05-19-2003 - 1:10pm |
DS and his little family are planning on visiting her family over the holiday week-end, and were going to stop over night and visit with my brother, niece and mother. Called my mother last night, she first said DS couldn't stay at her house, then changed her mind, in a very snotty tone of voice said she certainly wasn't going to cook, they'd just have to be satisfied eating at a restaurant. She ended the conversation by sighing deeply and in a very ungracious manner, said she would tell my brother and my niece. Well, folks, they already know as we've talked in the past before we visited because it seemed to cause less problems at the time. Now this morning DS called and wondered what Grandma said, I kept trying to put him off, saying she seemed a little grumpy and I was trying to get in contact with my brother. Now I'm sure his feelings are hurt, he's so proud of the baby and wants to show her off, looks like Grandma doesn't care! Plus my niece, and my mother are fighting so terribly, they can't be together at all. Isn't that just pathetic?? It's just ridiculous! I've tried to protect my kids while they were growing up from my mother's caustic personality, but sometimes, there's just nothing I can do. Heaven protect us all from mean-spirited, selfish bitter old women and help us not become one!!!!!!!.........TJ

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MM
http://pages.ivillage.com/quite_contrary/
But I have known people like that and I usually tell people, take the grandbaby to see grandma, for 5-7 min. Leave even if the old gal says something nasty. Someday.....not right now, but someday, you will think it was worth every chance you gave her. And I always told my kids just because someone is acting like an A** don't mean that you have to act that way. Just get in and out before the old gal has a chance to holler much and smile to yourself as you walk away.....
I know it is hard sometimes.....
I always think of the child that is living closest to the old parent the far away ones come and visit for a short time and wonder with you there why you aren't taking better care of her. When probably you spend more time catering to them than you did your kids..But if there is a dime left after the funeral all those who did nothing will be standing there with their hand out....you get nothing but and it is awful to say.....but relief.....Janet
God bless and email me if you want to talk more. there are a few of us who understand all too well.
hugs
JJ
you are not alone in this scenario. One thing that I learned as an adult, is that my parents are flawed people, just as I am. I think that that is the hardest thing in the world to come to grips with as we become adult children. I,like you, pray that I have my mother's wonderful qualities, and I go out of my way to avoid exhibiting some of her not so good ones. Your mother's children, grandchildren, and even great-grandchildren will find ways to deal with their relationship with your mother. Don't worry. Take care of yourself, Jane. We are all here for you.
Dannie
My heart goes out to you big time! Good Luck!
Aloha,
Leilani
Hugs,
..
When my kids encounter difficult family members (in one instance...its their father)I tell them to look at the relationship and decide what they want from it and then just try to ignore the behavior of the individual involved. My ex-never visits his kids..even the one who lives 15 minutes away but expects them to visit him...this weekend my daughter graduated from college after going back after 15 years, as I sat there and watched her receive her diploma I said to my sister...her father doesn't even know she's graduating..when my sister said that's really sad...but my daughter felt he's hasn't shown any interest in her life, why include him. My daughter in NC has been there for almost ten years and her father has never visited her home..it use to really upset her now she doesn't let it bother her. I've told her he doesn't even visit your sister and she's fifteen minutes away.
When the kids who live out of state come home to visit, they can be her for a week or more..they always stay with me and they usually take a day and visit their father..their feelings at this point are that they spend time and visit with the people who visit them and show an interest in their lives...they have all spend so much time trying to include him, calling him, asking him to visit but he always had an excuse so now they just don't bother anymore.
Your DS and his family will have to do the same...visit your brother and niece enjoy their company and just don't take your mother's behavior personally...its not them..its her. He has you and the rest of the family, who love him and care and are happy to see him and his family..
I can't imagine ever being like that and I'm sure you never will be either. I hope they enjoy their trip and can ignore your moms attitude.
Val
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