Gotta vent

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2008
Gotta vent
11
Mon, 12-07-2009 - 12:05pm

I think DH is getting weary of hearing me complain about this, so hope you can bear with me. Here's the story -

When DSs started families, I wasn't going to be the pushy MIL who demands everyone be at HER house on Christmas Eve or Day. I remember how hard it was to schlep little ones around that day. So, DSs rotate it between their houses and just tell us when to show up. Worked out fine. To accommodate the 2 DIL's family,our gathering has been late Christmas Day & into the evening. This year will be the last time it is on the 25th, because youngest DS wants that day to spend with his "church family". This just steams me. What are we - chopped liver? It's not the issue of the day change so much as his attitude. More & more, the church is taking over their lives. They donate $$ they don't have directly to the church, spend more on annual trip to Haiti to rebuild school, all kinds of church activities that make it practically impossible to schedule a visit with the Grands.

Steam is rising from my ears as I write this...

Jacquie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
In reply to: jaybee458
Mon, 12-07-2009 - 3:13pm

Can you see me peering through all that steam?
Pssst.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jaybee458
Mon, 12-07-2009 - 6:39pm

I hear ya Jacquie. Wish I had a solution. If you find one , please let me know.

ladybugs-flowers-1-1.jpg picture by srpcep

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2004
In reply to: jaybee458
Mon, 12-07-2009 - 7:26pm

I hear your hurt with the disruption of family tradition, Jacquie, but be thankful they will be with the 'church family" instead of some less savory place like the corner bar.

When I was married to X, his mother and sisters and grandmother spent most of Christmas with their church and X and I and the kids went to my mother's. We made New Year's Day the day to spend with his family and it worked out fine.

Kathey



all the leaves are brown
and the sky is grey

Kathey


 


Dogs have families, Cats have servents.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: jaybee458
Mon, 12-07-2009 - 8:54pm

(((Jacquie)))....a cyber hug is about the best I can do, girlfriend.









iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2008
In reply to: jaybee458
Mon, 12-07-2009 - 9:11pm

Thanks for the input ladies. I guess the one smart thing I did was let the 2 DBs sort it out. I imagine eldest is also a little irritated. At least I didn't get involved in the issue, just asked them to tell us where we should be.

As to the church family, it's an odd situation. DH, myself & eldest DS are atheists. Younger DS was raised to be free to choose for himself and is a born again Christian, named the evangelical leader of the year. I guess he's found the approval he must feel he missed at home. Always referred to being in big brother's shadow. What a laugh! Big brother is a hardworking blue collar guy who is secretary to the local motorcycle club and has converted his 2nd garage to their clubhouse. Youngest is completing his BS and wants to go into teaching. Go figure.

Jacquie

Avatar for blueyz_13_2000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jaybee458
Mon, 12-07-2009 - 10:01pm

This is such a tough situation Jacquie. As you know, my church is an important part of my life. It enhances my life, it doesn't detract from it. I feel it makes me a better/stronger person. One of the things our church does is stress being with your family...being together in love and harmony. In fact, I'm pretty sure our church is even closed up tight on Christmas Day so the families can be together. We have all our Christmas celebrations on Christmas Eve.

With that being said...I know you are very conflicted right now. I think the other Ladybugs have offered some sage advice. Try to be happy you'll have some family around Jacquie. I won't have any family members with me this year at all...none. I'm having a very hard time with this thought but I'll muddle through it.

Hugs...

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Avatar for oahe
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
In reply to: jaybee458
Tue, 12-08-2009 - 9:25am
Not be nosy, but I was wondering what denomination your DS belongs to?
siggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2008
In reply to: jaybee458
Tue, 12-08-2009 - 10:13am

It's a newer congregation of Methodists. I don't think they condone separating from birth families, they just stress that they are a church family. As DS plays in the church band, I believe he just wants time to go to all the services in the morning, have family time & visit with other friends from their couples group. It sounds like a good day to me.

Money is a big problem for DS right now and donating regularly to support the church is beyond me. The donations built a huge new building last year. I remarked that I would have thought building the school and feeding the kids in Haiti would have been a better use of the collections. DDIL responded that they needed a bigger facility for all the activities. The pastor lives in a very nice home, sounds like a little empire building going on there to us. Oh well, all these donations guarantee they won't come to us for help with their credit cards.

Jacquie

Avatar for blueyz_13_2000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jaybee458
Tue, 12-08-2009 - 10:26am

Jacquie...I am totally shocked to learn the denomination of your son's church is Methodist!! That's what I am. Knowing that, I am now thinking there is something more going on here with your DS and DDIL. This seems like a personal choice on his part to fulfill something he feels is missing in his life. You know what I mean? He's not doing anything to intentionally hurt you and your DH...but, IMHO, he's acting out like a petulant teenager. Kind of punishing you for your non-beliefs. I'm with you...no more bailouts!! You'll still be seeing them over the holidays won't you? Christmas Eve? Enjoy and embrace that Jacquie...like someone else said...this too shall pass.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2009
In reply to: jaybee458
Tue, 12-08-2009 - 4:34pm

Jacquie,


What kind of church is this?

K

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