I need to vent a little please!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
I need to vent a little please!
8
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 7:58am

First of all, Good foggy Monday to all! Very foggy here and cool.


So, my DGS Fred, Sarah's son, called me yesterday. He was in a car accident last month, it was his fault and although he wasnt formally charged, the court ordered him to pay $169 in court costs by this Friday. If he doesnt pay it, he goes to jail. He asked us if we'd pay it for him so he didnt have to go to jail.


He has done nothing to try to get the money himself and wont even look for a job.


Dh and I dont really want him to go to jail but he has to be taught a lesson here. We have decided that if he doesnt pay it, we are going to let him go to jail for a few days to see that there are consequences for not being a responsible adult. Then we will get him out.


Are we being cruel?


Jackie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-1999
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 8:07am

IMHO...him going to jail may be just what he needs to get his act together....I know our son spent a night in jail....and it made him NOT want to be there anymore....They are tough decisions for you but have to think of the long term affect....By you paying for his mistakes he learns nothing...Good luck with this and let us know.....Hugs and more hugs,


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 8:07am

No Jackie, Fred was the cause of this and Fred must pay the price. He's not going to suffer any monetary loss by going to jail. I would let him serve the WHOLE sentence. It's tough and harder on you than it will be on Fred. You have to think, what would he do if you were not around to bail him out?

ladybugs-flowers-1-1.jpg picture by srpcep

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2009
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 8:53am

Jacquie,


I'm sending you a hug.

K

Avatar for emty_nstr
Community Leader
Registered: 05-25-1999
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 12:57pm

If it was up to me not one "child" would be bailed out unless there truely was a question things happening the way they say.


I have said this for years that for every parent that says "He didn't do it or couldn't have done it and everyone is against my child" I will show you a kid that probably 90% of the time will see the insides of many jails. And everytime he is bailed out just goes to prove to him that there are no limits and that someone will always bail him out so why should he do anything but what he damn well wants to.


I know this because of 2 of my grandsons. And now they are both drinkers one does have a job but the other one thinks that his dad owes him a place to live and food to eat not to mention beer to drink.. And with him it started when he was little... the very first time he told his mother he didn't feel good and didn't want to go to school and she let him stay home. Long story but had she told him what my mom told me he might be a good man today......


My mom always told me GET UP AND YOU WILL FEEL BETTER AFTER YOU MOVE AROUND A BIT......lol in other words don't pull this crap on me cause it ain't gonna work....


I give you 2 thumbs up. Tough love is a strong and lasting love. One day he will come to you and thank you.....that is after a while....lol


Good for you.......


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2004
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 1:00pm

Stick to you guns, Jackie. Since he doesn't have a job, what does he have to lose being in jail for a couple of days but his freedom to get into more trouble.

You are too kind to your family and I think it's time for you and dh to start enjoying the fruits of your labor; it's bad enough we have to share them with Uncle Sam.

Kathey



all the leaves are brown
and the sky is grey

Kathey


 


Dogs have families, Cats have servents.

Avatar for blueyz_13_2000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 1:07pm

Jackie, please don't be "guilted" into paying that fine for your DGS. He's a grown man now and needs to learn how to live life on his own and to learn there are consequences for his actions. If you keep placing nets underneath everyone they'll just keep coming to you for bailouts. He'll be fine for a couple of nights in the "pokey" and will probably learn a good lesson. An who knows...he might even grow up! Just be sure you explain it to him and he knows you doing this with love and for his better good. Some day he will thank you...some day.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 1:52pm

Jackie, you and your DH are not being cruel

 


Co-cl for
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2008
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 5:30pm

If he's an irresponsible young man, he may be safer in jail! Plus he should start getting the message that there won't be anyone to bail him out. One of DDILs sons (19) rotates in & out of the court system in their county and doesn't get the message. DS laid down the law that she was to stop pampering him. He was out on early release at Thanksgiving, but is still facing a trial for drug distribution. Such a waste - the kid is smart as a tack, could ace any test in school, but thinks he can get by with whatever he pleases. This next sentence may take a few years out of his life and brand him forever.

Our youngest got into just enough trouble in HS that the judge ordered him to spend 8 hours in the lockup at local youth detention facility. Losing his freedom like that made him realize where the path he was on could take him. That plus his DMs tears & DFs fury -LOL.
You & DH need to stick together on this one.

hugs,
Jacquie

Avatar for oahe
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Tue, 12-15-2009 - 12:23am
It's easier said than done, but I agree with the rest of the gals. You should go with the tough love!
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