Shame on Me...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2003
Shame on Me...
6
Mon, 07-14-2003 - 1:24pm
Hello Ladies,

I know I shouldn't feel this way but I really can help it...

Well, I've just arrived home from my friend's Baby Shower...

I had a lovely time there, met some people and I was really happy for my friend. But all those baby things, nappies, soothers, bottles and her lovely big bump got me so depressed... I felt so frustrated for not being in the same situation! I hate to assume that I was jealous but that's how I really felt, so jealous because she has a baby to use all those things. On the contrary, I've got tons of baby things too but no baby yet, no bump, no pregnancy, no nothing.

(no even an ovulation yet, CD22) :(

I really wish them all the best! I really hope they have a wonderful birth and that a lovely health baby arrives! I really do, believe me.

I cried my eyes out as soon as I arrived at home. I feel bad for feeling like this, I'm ashamed of myself for being so sad when my friend is living such magical moment.I'm a human, I guess. A quite weak one. But I'm feeling like I'm a horrible monster. Oh God, I'm not like this, I'm not.

I'm sorry to use the TTC board to vent, but I needed to let those things out of me. Maybe to find some sense in my feelings.

Thank you for reading, ladies.

love,

Marcia-the-self-pit-monster

ttc#1 c2 CD22




Edited 7/15/2003 3:14:43 AM ET by marcialeggett

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
Mon, 07-14-2003 - 1:35pm
Hi there! It's alright to have those feelings. We are all trying so hard to accomplish something, that contrary to popular belief, is NOT easy! It's o.k. to cry, infact it's better to let those feelings out than to hide them. Of course you're happy for your friend and she knows you are. Take some time for your self and have a good cry. Your turn is coming soon and just think of all those people that will go home from your shower and cry someday. I know that's not very nice but it does make you feel kinda better, huh? Don't beat yourself up for having normal human feelings. It's better to feel than not to feel, right? It's a good sign. I'd be concerned for you if you went to a shower and weren't jelous at all. I hope you have a better day. BD'ing will probabally make you feel better!

GidgetZ

ttc#1, C#2, CD#2

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Mon, 07-14-2003 - 1:45pm
Don't feel bad -- you're human!! I distinctly remember coming home from a baby shower about 5 years ago and crying while I was driving back to my house. I was really, sincerely happy for my friend, but so sad that I was once again on the outside looking in. In my mind she had everything I always wanted and it made me feel so lonely (this was about a year before I met the man who became my wonderful DH!). I felt guilty too. But then I realized that it's a totally natrual response. It's not like being jealous of someone's car, after all! It's wanting what everyone wants -- a family. It's normal and right to long for that.

So don't feel bad for feeling the way you did. The important thing is you DO feel joy for your friend and you didn't spoil her day by showing how sad you felt that you don't have what she does just yet. That's all that matters.

And if it makes you feel any better, everyone on this board is in the same boat -- wanting what we haven't got...just yet!!

(((HUGS)))

Kristin

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Avatar for crazy_chelle
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
Mon, 07-14-2003 - 5:56pm
Marcia,

Hey, I know exactly how you feel.. My neighbor across the street & I were starting to try to get pregnant at the same time, she had been on BC for like 6 yrs and I had been off it for 8 years.. She was pg a week after she was off of the BC and here I am still trying!

Anyways, she is now 1 week overdue, but about to pop anytime.. I went and saw her nursery, and about cried when I got home.. I am happy for her ya know.. but.....


God will let it happen when he sees fit for it to!!!!!!!!!!

*HUGS*

Chelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Mon, 07-14-2003 - 6:08pm
Oh Marcia! Please dont beat up on yourself! You are only human!! It is natural to be envious when you see someone who has something you so badly want. Believe me it has happened to me on more than one occasion. Especially when so many people I know are having babies all of a sudden. Hang in there!!! I know it will happen for you and it will be even more special since you had to wait to get it. (That is what I tell myself) (((HUGS)))) to you! Pam :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Mon, 07-14-2003 - 6:36pm
Marcia huge (((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))!!!! I feel the same way at just looking at pg women walk down the street, and I'm not even ttc! How pathetic is that? lol!!! You vent anytime, that's what we're here for and dishing out the hugs anytime you need one! LOLove, Connie
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2003
Tue, 07-15-2003 - 3:13am
Gidgetz, Kristin, Chelle, Pam and Connie,

Thank you for your so kind replies!

You have no idea how helpful and supportive your words were.

I read your messages again and again and I'm feeling much better now. :)

I'm not feeling guilty anymore, I think it's always better to be honest about my feelings than to hide them. I was jealous yesterday because it was such emotional situation. But with your help, I'm learning to accept that it's natural to feel this way sometimes.

So today I'm feeling positive again and much happier because I just reminded that my friend sprinkled some baby dust on me when I left her house. Now I keep that always in my mind to banish any bad feeling.

It's wonderful to count on such nice people like you all!

DH was also very supportive yesterday he gave me lots of hugs and reminded me that it will happen for us soon too. He's a nice guy and I'm so proud to have him as the father of our child... :)

Thank you ladies, millions times, thank you!

love,

Marcia