SELFISH BUT I CAN'T HELP IT!
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| Fri, 07-18-2003 - 12:58pm |
DH and I wanted to visit a couple who recently had a baby (about 3 mos) so we called and arranged a date. I was a little worried that I would feel a little bad seeing the baby since we've been TTC #1 for over a year now. But we're thrilled for them, they had a m/c before this baby and they're dear friends. I thought it would be nice to just sit quietly and hold the baby and chat with her about her c-section and recovery and the experience of new motherhood, etc.
Then husband emails DH and says, "Hey, I've invited Dick & Jane too!" Great. This couple has 3 girls, one a little over a year. They were at the baby shower for this couple who we planned to visit and the wife was telling me they were considering another baby. She got PG a month later. So now there's a new baby and a PG in front of me. Then, Dick & Jane suggest we all meet at their house. Fine. Whatever. "And I'm gonna email Tom and Harry too!" These guys are both married with kids. So now it's turned into this big 'ol group event.
You know all the girls will go to one end, all the men to another. All the ladies will be asking the new mommy about her experience then they'll all start discussing their pregnancies and deliveries and I'll be sitting there feeling like total %$#@.
All I wanted was a quiet visit with the new baby. I feel bad for feeling so down and angry but I can't help it. And I can't not go DH is really excited to see everyone and they really are all our good friends and they know we've been trying but don't know how upset I am about not being PG yet and I don't feel like having a group discussion. I did communicate to DH how I felt but told him not to worry I'd put on a brave face and go and it would be fine. I'll have my pity party by myself on Sunday when he's a work.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Susan

I totally know how you feel. We have two sets of friends who also have infants, and they are all ttc again. They don't know we are also ttc though. It is hard to be around them while they talk about their babies and future ones. I would probably join in the talk too, but I don't know how much longer this is going to take, and it bothers me how they just assume it is going to happen, I thought that also, and I'm on month 5. But I don't think you are out of line at all in how you are feeling. I would be very jealos and feeling a little sorry for myself also. But like your dh said, brave face and chin up! That is about all you can do when you are around that. It is definately hard while you are sitting around talking about pregancy, delivery and babies and you can't join in the conversation. Actually I think that is a bit rude,(especially if they know you have been ttc for over a year). Hopefully they will make you feel comfortable and welcome and not only talk about that stuff. Just keep in your head that it WILL happen for you, and think how sweet it will be when it does happen for you. Then you will get to listen to unsolicited advice! But I'm sure you won't mind, now will you?? Try to enjoy yourself though. I hope you have fun!
Stacy
ttc#2,C5,CD6
Just remember this: when it comes to this board-it's not being selfish. This is the only place I'm allowed to be like this, no one holds judgement because we're all in the same boat!
LOLove,
Danielle, 28, TTC#1, C10, CD29, almost onto C11, HSG performed C10
amy
TTC#1 (gosh won't my family be surprised when it does happen!)
But you and I are probably from the same camp... we dread these things, but we'll still go. Just hold your chin up and hang in there.
When my DH and I arrange these types of friendly get-togethers, we now agree on a "check-back time." We'll find a way to break away from the segregated-sex environment so he can find out if I'm doing okay with all the kids and pg people, or if I need a break. If I need a break... we make an excuse for leaving early. If I'm tolerating everything okay or enjoying myself, we stay.
Oh - and I don't agree with your "selfish" self-assessment. You're just feeling the same thing as anyone else in your shoes would feel!
Tami
Mommy to Anna 7.7.04 & Ben 11.19.06
PS, I may forgo the pity party on Sunday and go shopping for drapes and new accessories for our just-painted, just-carpeted bedroom! See what magic you girls can work!? :o)
Susan