How 2 say I'm PG when brother is TTC?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
How 2 say I'm PG when brother is TTC?
6
Fri, 07-18-2003 - 2:43pm
Hi there. I just found out I am pregnant, and my husband and I are ecstatic. We had thought about trying at the end of summer but it looks like mother nature upped the due date! Anyway, we are thrilled about this, but now we have a problem - how to tell his brother and sister-in-law who have been TTC since last year. They discovered they had problems and now she has just started IVF treatments. They're going to try the first implantation on Aug. 10. By that time I will be over 2 months pregnant.

My questions are: 1. How do we tell them we're pregnant without hurting their feelings/adding anxiety before their implantation, and

2. When do we tell them? Do we wait until after implantation?

Thanks for your advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
Fri, 07-18-2003 - 3:11pm
Congratulations!

I'm sorry that your BIL and SIL are having troubles, and I'm trying to put myself in their shoes (which isn't too hard; we just started working with an IF specialist). The day they find out probably WILL be a stressful one to them - particularly her - no matter how you break the news. When my close friend Julie announced she was pregnant - she and her DH "did the deed" the first cycle - I cried for three days. When I recently found out a college acquaintance was expecting, I cried for a day, then spent the better part of a week feeling depressed. Fortunately I've got a GREAT husband, but it's still not easy.

I'm afraid I don't have any suggestions re: timing of your announcement. Normally I'd suggest trying to wait until later in your first trimester - I've had good friends who have waited until week 12 - but I suppose it will be hard to wait that long! I'm an IVF-idiot... when will they know if that one "stuck" or not? Maybe announce after they know?

Good luck, and sprinkle some of that baby-dust on your SIL! (Maybe your child will have a cousin!)

Tami
Mommy to Anna 7.7.04 & Ben 11.19.06

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2003
Fri, 07-18-2003 - 3:12pm
I think that you should maybe tell them without other people there so they can give it some time to process, go through the emotions and all. I also have been ttc for 12 mo and my bro who wasn't even trying with his wife recently found out they are expecting. honestly, I am a little jealous, but am incredibly excited for them. it is a happy time for you, so don't feel bad. my bet is that at first, it will remind them of how hard they've been trying w/ no success and they'll be a little upset, but then they'll move on and join in your happiness. i'd tell them before they make an attempt at their 1st implantation aug 10. this way if god forbid it doesn't work, they won't have to deal with both issues at once. if you hadn't planned on telling the rest of the fam until later, explain to them that you're just telling them b/c you wanted to give them some time to process it before they go through their ordeal so you don't add to their stress.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Fri, 07-18-2003 - 3:29pm
Thank you both for your suggestions - and lots of baby dust to you!

My husband and I are of course very happy, but we just wanted to make sure to do the right thing. His family (he has an older brother and younger sister) are very close and have Sunday dinner every week at their parents' house. At the beginning of last summer, BIL and SIL stood up and announced they were going to try that summer to conceive. Naturally, we were all on pins and needles, expecting an announcement last fall or winter, but nothing. That's why my husband and I feel a little guilty because though we had talked about having kids, we didn't expect to get pregnant right away. We don't want them to think we did this for spite (which is a horrible thing to say, I know). And I know that SIL is going to take it hard and be a little jealous. Heck, if I were in her shoes, *I* would be jealous at first too! The main thing is that I don't want to upset them and I hope they'll be happy for us, just like we're praying for them.

I don't know how long you have to wait after IVF to know if it stuck or not. But like you said, maybe we'll both have happy news to celebrate!

Thanks again for your advice and good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Fri, 07-18-2003 - 3:30pm
I agree with this. I think you should tell them before. Everyone is different in how they will react to the news, and there's no way to know until you actually tell them. I have been TTC#1 for 2 years and I've had many people tell me they are pg. I think it's awefully hard not to have some jealousy/envy- why them not me? kinda feelings, but this is your BROTHER! Of course he'll be so thrilled for you! He may be hurt if you don't tell him....like you think he can't handle it or something.

~*~*Congratulations to you!!!! ~*~*~*~* GL with your decision,

((((((HUGS)))))

Tara

 

 Tara~ co-cl of Pregnant after TTC

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2003
Fri, 07-18-2003 - 4:17pm
I agree, I would tell them before the treatment. And it may hurt them at first, but they also have to remember that this is a special time for you and DH too! You shouldn't have to be any less happy about having a baby simply because their time hasn't come yet. I would let them know that you are very sorry they haven't gotten pregnant yet and that you are still thinking of them and their situation, but don't miss out on the first few months of excitement and happiness!

HTH!

Cassie

TTC#1

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Fri, 07-18-2003 - 4:40pm
My DH and I have been TTC for 7+ yrs. In that time, both of DH's siblings have had 2 kids each (plus countless friends that have had kids). Each time it was hard at first to hear they were expecting. But in no time we got past it and were/are ecstatic for them. I think the toughest part for me was feeling like they were holding back because they were afraid of upsetting us. Speaking from my own experience, I'd suggest that when you tell them, you acknowledge that they are working on it and then share all of your joyous news with them. Don't hold back or be afraid to tell them because in the end that will be harder to get over than hearing the actual news. Of course everyone is different... but since I've been on this side of it for quite awhile I thought I'd share my view of it! HTH!

And congrats on your great news!!! Have a happy, healthy 9 months!!

Christi

 


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