I feel like a failure!!...Need ADVICE

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
I feel like a failure!!...Need ADVICE
5
Sun, 07-20-2003 - 9:39pm
Hi I am new on this board!

My name is Jessyka, I am 28yrs old, my husband is 26yrs old we have a three yr old daughter. The problem is when we were not TTC I got pregnant! Now we have been trying for 13 months. Although the only thing we are doing is having sex. We have gotten to the point were it is ok if we only have one child (knowing there are alot of people who can't even have one). But deep down inside we both would love to have another child!

My husband works alot of hours (average 60hrs a week). My mom said she heard that a man sperm count goes down if they work to much or they are stressed out? Is there any truth to this?

Can you please give me some advice on what to do next? I am starting to feel like a failure not being able to give my husband another child. I know that it is not completly my fault but I can not help feeling that way. He does not at all make me feel like it is my fault. But what can we do to maybe help this along?

I feel selfish when reading all your posts because we do have a healthy daughter. So why I am so upset that I am not getting pregnant? Why do I feel like it is my fault?

Everyone says you have to quit trying. Well that is better said then acually done. No matter how much we talk about raising and enjoying Aleia and not focus on another child, it sits there in the back of your mind.

I also get so upset when all these woman (girls) get pregnant with no problems not really even wanting the child. It is really unfair. They have four or five kids that they aren't even really taken care of and here we are trying to have a baby and they are bitching about being pregnant again.

I really hope I am not offending anyone! I just need someone to listen and get some advice.

Thanks

Jessyka

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2003
Sun, 07-20-2003 - 10:46pm
Jessyka~

Although I don't know how much advice I can give you I just wanted to say that you should never feel like a failure. But, I know where you are coming from. My husband and I have just started TTC our first child and even after the first negative test I felt horrible. He wants this baby so badly and I just want to be able to give it to him. We tried one other time for 5 months with no luck and decided to put it off for a little while. So now I have no idea how long it will take. My mother TTC for 2 years before she got preg for the first time. What's not so good for me is that I'm just like her! I'm not looking forward to many months of disapointment. At least you have one child so that can also tell you that you know you are able to concieve. I'm still not sure b/c at one point I had low prolactin levels and my doctor told me that it could make me not ovulate. I'm hoping that I don't have to take fertility drugs but if thats what it takes I will. Have you talked to your doctor yet? If you think that your husband's stress is affecting his sperm you may want to get a sperm count done on him. It could also just be that you are missing "the right time". There are a lot of options out there so just keep your head up. I can only imagine how I'll feel at my 13 month mark with no positive results but I'm fully aware that it is a possibility. In the end it will all be worth it. I hope that I have at least helped a little. Good luck to you! I hope you get a positive result soon.

Mari

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Mon, 07-21-2003 - 10:25am
Mari,

Thanks alot! I really needed the advice. It already made me feel better that there are people out there that really care and ourgoing through the same feelings as me.

Our faimy is wonderful, but I getting sick and tired of telling them that we are still trying! Every time they ask it is like a knife to my heart. My dad is older and not in the best of shape and I know how badly he would like a grandson, I feel guilty that I am not able to give that to him yet. Am I making sense?

I wish you all the luck in the world!

Thanks again,

Jessyka

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2003
Mon, 07-21-2003 - 8:17pm
Jessyka~

Well, I'm glad that I at least made you feel a little better. And you do make perfect sense. This last month I really thought that I was preg (I was 6 days late and had lots of symtoms)so I told my mom and she seemed so happy! But then of course I had to tell her I wasn't. My plan was to not even tell anyone that we were trying so they wouldn't ask and so it would be a suprise. Now the only people that know are my mom and best friend. I know my father wants a grandchild too. He always talks about how he will spoil them. Plus he is the oldest of 8 and one of the only ones without grandkids!!! He's only 51 so he's still in good shape which I am thankful for but I'd still like my kids to be able to spend time with him. Well, keep me updated. I'd really like to hear how things turn out for you. GOOD LUCK!!!!

Mari
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Mon, 07-21-2003 - 11:25pm
I would like to say, "hello"... This is my first time posting here. Y'all are very young. Please try and remember that. I am sure that sooner or later you will get another little one. Just let it happen and things will be OK. Our bodies are very receptive to things, and sometimes it's just better to relax. I am 36 and just now trying for #2. I plan on trying to stay calm and let nature take its course. Good luck to you! And have faith, things do work out!

Beth :o)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Tue, 07-22-2003 - 9:28am
Thabk you I appreciate your support! It really does help!

Good luck to you!

Jessyka