Green Monster

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2002
Green Monster
9
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 10:45am
Just wondering how everybody is dealing with the green monster of envy. Four of my close friends are pregnant right now, due between Jan and March. DH and I just started trying this month, so it's not like we are having any probs, but I feel so jealous whenever they talk about their babies. So, I guess my question is, how do you deal with the jealousy/stress of it all?

Thanks,

Suzanne

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
In reply to: suziesponge
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 11:34am
Hi Suzanne;

While I don't have 4 close friends that are pregnant, I do have one that wasn't even trying (not married, new relationship that is less than 6 weeks old) and another who hasn't even been married a year, so I don't think she was either. I had a really hard time with both. And it is strange, here on this board we meet and get to know most of us and when they get a BFP I feel nothing but JOY!!!!! I wonder why its so different? Is it b/c I know that the ladies here are close to being in the same boat as I? I am not sure. I am just trying to be as supportive to the other 2 women in my life who are pregger. Sometimes it's not easy and I have to remind myself that one day it will happen to me. But it's hard. And as I sit here and type this, I know I have not really given you any advice on how to handle the situation, but please take comfort in knowing you are not alone.

We are all here for you, so please vent anytime you need too.

Logan

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2003
In reply to: suziesponge
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 11:57am
I totally agree with Logan. I think we all know that the ladies here want babies ssooo bad and really deserve them. I think that is why we are always so happy to see those BFP's. But people we know sometimes don't want to be pg. Or with me, we have two pairs of couple's who have babies under 1 and are ttc. We have a 3yo, and sometimes I think, you guys have babies! I have a preschooler! Please just let me have a baby! It doesn't really seem fair to me that people who have babies would get pg again right away. But I guess that is just my own selfishness. But then again, it is kind of fun to watch these "friends"(I'm not that close to the women, they really aren't very nice) struggle with chaseing a crawling baby, competing with baby's firsts (can't beat my ds walking at 8 months,lol)and waking up at night. Oh jeez, I sound really bad. I better stop, lol, I think we all understand outbursts of the green-eyed monster. Good luck all!

Stacy
Lilypie 1st Birthday Ticker Lilypie 3rd Birthday Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
In reply to: suziesponge
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 12:21pm
Hi Suzanne! I'm Susan. TTC #1 for about 1.5 years now (I know, what a drag that it's taking so long!) But I can totally relate to your envy, believe me. Recently I posted a "Feeling Selfish but I Can't Help It!" I was going to a gathering where we were going to see our good friends' new baby boy, the people hosting the BBQ were also 4 mos pregnant with their 4th (HELLO!) and there were going to be folks we hadn't seen in quite awhile. I was so worried about how I would feel when I saw the new baby and our PG friend and worried that the people we hadn't seen would be asking, "Hey! So what are YOU guys waiting for already?!" And I have one friend who I love dearly but she doesn't have the highest dose of tact and I worried that being in my sensitive state she'd say something that would just bring me to tears.

DH said he understood if we didn't go because he knew how I was feeling but I didn't want to make our friends feel bad as they were coming a long way to show their new baby. It turned out great. No one asked us, except our friend that's PG and she's so kind and she asked me very quietly when we were alone how things were going (I've talked to her a little about it).

The new baby's mommy let me hold him the whole time and no one tried to come steal him (ok, so I'm STILL a little selfish) and the best part was throughout the day, DH kept coming to ask me how I was doing and if he needed to kick anyone's butt! Made me laugh and it was nice to know that he was concerened.

I was really waiting for the whole talk of how the baby's mom's labor was, how the PG mom's stuff was going and my other tact-challenged friend to discuss her 2 PG's but there wasn't that at all. I think if you try to make gatherings co-ed events, then you have DH there to "rescue" you if you need it. You can go to him, he can come to you, etc. And if your friends are dear, you might say in a playful way, "You guys are so lucky! I'm so embarrassed but I'm terribly jealous can you send some of those PG vibes my way please!" You'll make them feel good by saying they're lucky but you'll also convey your discomfort if they're constantly yapping about their PG's and hopefully they'll be a little more considerate. Sure it's a wonderful time, but we do need to be aware of other's feelings too. So you can show a little happiness for them and they in turn can tone down on their chatter. GL and hope you get that BFP real soon!

Susan (sorry I rambled on so much) ;o)

Avatar for soprano1965
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: suziesponge
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 1:52pm
I know how you feel. It seems like everyone around me is getting pregnant, when in reality I am just in "baby mode" so I notice it more. I was on the receiving end of the green eyed monster with DS and it was very very ugly. My SIL had just m/c right when I got pregnant and the entire 8 months I was pg she was just awful to me, outwardly and verbally, and we were trying to get pg. So that taught me no matter how I feel, I can cry in private (and I have) but to never never ever make an expectant mom feel bad about being pg (not saying you would but it's a lesson I'll never forget). Oh and well I started TTC with a baby under 1 and it's no less painful to not succeed than for those with older children.

Kim

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2002
In reply to: suziesponge
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 1:57pm
WOW, Thank you so much. I already feel better knowing I am not the only one! I totally know what you mean about feeling happy for anyone on here getting a BFP. It is kinda funny.

My best friend is one of the PGer's and I am really happy for her, because they've been trying for a year, but I can't help having that little jealousy twinge. I know my time will come and I am just trying to enjoy being alone w/ DH. I am sure it'll happen for all of us!!



~*~*~*~~baby dust for you all!!~*~*~*~

(hope I did that right)


Thanks,

Suzanne

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2003
In reply to: suziesponge
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 2:00pm
Hi Suzanne,

I've been TTC for a year now...I can't believe it! Many friends and family members have gotten pregnant and now are mothers, and I think that's the hardest part for me. I constantly am wondering if I did something wrong, and being punished for it. I know that's silly thinking, but sometimes I can't help it. Talking about it with my DH helps me a lot. He's has tried to remain positive throughout this whole year, especially at the points when I'm at my lowest.

I think you have to realize that you'll have good days and bad days. And to realize that what you're feeling is normal and doesn't make you a bad person. I think reading and psoting on this board also helps relieve stress.

Hope you get your BFP soon!

Gwen

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2003
In reply to: suziesponge
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 2:18pm
Hi,

I know what you mean. I was grocery shopping and it seemed that every woman there was either pregnant or had a baby! I've only started trying a few months ago, I hope it won
Most of my friends have at least one child. My best friend has three! I was never jealous before HD and I started trying, but now I can't help but feel a little left out. But she's really great and her second daughter is always around me (5 y.o.) when we visit. I told her I could babysit anytime... it's like she knows and simply smiles and gives me a hug.

You really need your REAL friends close in those times, that's what works for me!

Gabie.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2003
In reply to: suziesponge
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 3:27pm
Hi

I am not sure there is a way to get over jealously. I had seven friends have their first babies in the last year. Six of the seven babies have been born and the last is due in October. The hardest part for me was that we would get togehter and all they would talk about is pregnancy!!! I felt like I was losing all of my friends, I had absolutly nothing in common anymore. I know I sound like a six year old for saying this, but I felt left out. They weren't including me anymore.

This may sould weird but now that the babies are born I feel much better. When they are chit chatting on and on about what their babies are not learning, I can just pick up one of their babies and play and tune out their conversations.

I haven't been trying long either, this is only my second month but I have been ready for almost two years- DH took a little convincing.

I just wanted you to know that I have been there too.

Good luck

Jenna

TTC #1

C2

CD 8
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2003
In reply to: suziesponge
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 3:59pm
I completely understand... my sister-in-law just announced she is pregnant with #3, and oen of our friends who wasn't even trying just announced she's expecting #2. It's very frustrating. What's even more annoying is that people ask when my husband and I are going to start our family... I feel like screaming back at them, that "we are trying" and it just hasn't kicked in yet.... I wish I could give you some advice, but I can't... the green monster has a hold on me... I just keep praying for patience. I wish you all the best!!!! ~ Cher TTC#1 C2 CD8 ~