DH stop Bding on CD 14 without O..Help

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2003
DH stop Bding on CD 14 without O..Help
10
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 8:39pm
MY DH is exhausted and says he does not want to BD anymore. I"m sooo upset. I fear this may be my most fertile day and he is ruining our chances. I've practically had to seduce him everytime as it is.

I have a stronger libido than him usually. He only likes to have intercourse once in a while so I guess this is a big change for him.

How do I change his attitude?

I'm on CD 14 and for the first time got a line (somewhat faint) on the OPK test. He pics now not to be in the mood!!! what if I don't O until much later. I don't think he'll do it anymore. UGH HELP!!

Thanks for listening.

http://circles2.fertilityfriend.com/home/2c29e

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 9:36pm
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this! I also have a much stronger libido than my DH (I know, it sounds backwards), and I practically had to attack him each time during my fertile phase! LOL!

Anyway... maybe you can reach a compromise with him? Like, okay, no BD tonight, but definitely tomorrow morning. Or the compromise I made with my DH once the + OPK finally occurred (which was at the end of a week of a lot more BD than we're used to): BD the day of the + and the following day, and he wouldn't be expected to "perform" for at least another week. So far, he's held me to that!

I know, men can be so frustrating. Sometimes it feels like I've got to set mine down with a few good biology textbooks so he can know to trust me when I say it's time to BD! =)

Good luck to you!

Tami

TTC#1 since 8/02

CC1 CD25 7-9DPO

Tami
Mommy to Anna 7.7.04 & Ben 11.19.06

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 11:07pm
hi, I had similar problems a couple of months ago. I was so frustrated because he just didn't get it, we had a frustrating night of trying to BD, he decides once I get to bed that he doesn't feel like it which totally pissed me off because he knew all day that we were going to (and I knew that it was a very important day), so I spend the night on the couch crying because the whole cycle would be ruined, it was a mess. I was so frustrated because I feel like I'm putting so much into this with all the planning and checking cm and cp and being so disappointed when AF arrives and all he has to do is BD which guys are supposed to love doing. Anyways it was easier to talk about it after AF came, I explained to him again how important it is to BD on the right days, and he explained to me that it's hard for him to perform on demand. So I came to a couple of conclusions on my own, one was that after looking back at my calender I realized that we have never been able to do it more than two days in a row (it is always that third day that kills us), and the other thing is that I will try to let him know which days in advance and then make things a little fun so it's not a chore, and I'm having to bite my tounge when he starts to complain to avoid fights. So basically I'm having to suck it up more and be a little sneaky about getting him to BD. It seems better now though so good luck, looking back to that bad month we had, I know at the time it seems like the end of the world but you will get past it trust me!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 11:37pm
I'm very sorry for how you are feeling, But I can understand where your DH is coming from because we have had this discussion in our house already ;)

Please note this is not a Flame at all but just playing devils advocate here. I wouldn't want to have to perform on demand as it were (if it were the other way around). Are you making "sex" as important when you are not O'ing as when you are. Notice I call it sex, you know that thing we did before we became baby obsessed LOL ;) Can you substitute the middle day with a nice sensual massage that does not end in sex? Can you try to be more "intimate" instead of just going for the “Goal” of a Semen deposit? Are you making sure that he knows that you want him for more than his chromosomes? Note here I am asking open questions, these are the questions I ask myself about our sex life, I'm NOT asking you as a criticism just as examples.

I find that we women (myself defiantly included) become very focused and have amazing tunnel vision when we want babies LOL must be something genetic ;) I don’t think men, or I should say most men, have these same feelings or with the same intensity we do. I also think we forget that they can be as sensitive as women (I know I know they try to hide it) and if the shoe were on the other foot and he was tapping the calendar telling me which days to be on the bed and ready and not interested in me outside that time, I would NOT be a happy camper AT ALL…… LOL.

(((hugs))) and support always, but just wanting to show the other side.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 11:42pm
Hello iskiqueen,

I read through the other replies, and am going to put another spin on your question. Is DH wanting a baby? If so, don't forget that guys can be just as scared of parenthood as the mom-to-be. Have paitence. And talk it out with him - carefully!

Hugs,

amie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2003
Tue, 08-26-2003 - 12:31am
Thank You all very much for your advice, empathy and objective questioning.

I like the suggestion of saying once the + Opk test comes we have sex then and once more and than I don't bother him. This was our first time charting etc and I think I became a little too rigid with the planning and started seriously Bding early. Live and learn, I suppose.

I do see how it would be hard for him to perform on demand as I would have difficulty too. The problem is before we decided to have a baby he never really wanted sex that often anyway. I was usually the aggressor and when I waited for him it once reached 5 weeks before intercourse. His job is very stressful (start-up company) and I think that has something to do with it.


I do think he wants kids as much as I. On sun we were out to dinner and he was even thinking of names and everything. We did get pg once about a year ago accidentally. It was just afer we got back together and moved in togehter, while we were on vacation. I had had some surgeries and my cycles got messed up (i had a two week cycle). I found out about being pg on the same day I got laid off, and failed my qualifying exams for my doctorate. We hastily made a decision to terminate :-( So for me,there is leftover guilt and agnst about it and a fear that now that we ARE trying it won't work (age of 32 is a consideration) and for him I think it had the opposite effect (i.e. made him realize that this is the next step in our relationship).

It's good to know that others have had similar experiences and that they all work out!

Baby Dust to you all!!!!

THANKS SO MUCH!

Avatar for eyrny
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Tue, 08-26-2003 - 7:44am
We have a series of XXX rated films that we have often used for inspiration on days when BD is a good idea but we're not feeling horny.

Kathleen

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2003
Tue, 08-26-2003 - 8:24am
Just wanted to empathise as I have awful problems getting my DH to BD anytime (since before we were TTC). It feels awful to "let him down" when AF comes, when I've tried so hard but we didn't BD when we should have!

Last time I wanted to BD he refused, this was over a fortnight ago and he has tried to initiate a couple of times since but I've changed the subject (first time I've EVER not jumped at the chance in our 11+ years together). This time I'm gonna make him wait a whole month until the slippery mucus is there and then try to seduce him.

I don't know if this is the answer as I've never tried it before, but how about it? YOU refuse to BD right up until your fertile days, by which time hopefully he will be bursting?!

CSM

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2003
Wed, 08-27-2003 - 7:29pm
I'm sorry you are going thorough this. It does sound like a good idea. Sorry so short. very tired today.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 4:59am
Thanks for the support!

DH wanted to BD last night but I told him he would have to wait - I was very proud of myself for not giving in!

CSM

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 8:03am
I agree with most of the posts that DH may be feeling a little "pressured" to perform... I don't think that means he doesn't want to have a baby necessarily, I think most men just would like it to happen naturally, easily, without the charting, temping, etc (that is work).

I will just say, and I say this from experience, to try to either keep all of the “scientific stuff” out of sight for him. I paid attention to when the right time was, but I just initiated sex the same way I did prior to baby mania! So far this has worked very well—we are both happy (just started that this month, last month I was a basket case, “gotta do it now”, “this is my fertile time”), and for me I knew that DH wanted a baby just as badly as I did, but he didn’t want it to be work. You do not want to conceive a child under stress; you want to conceive a child out of love… that is what is important. Just try and relax and make DH feel loved, and not just like a sperm donor!

Good luck to you-

Nicole