Stay at home Moms are bad!!?
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 08-04-2004 - 3:23pm |
How in the world this woman makes these statements and believes them is amazing.
Oh and here are her qualifications:
"Ritter is director of the Center for Women's and Gender Studies at UT and an associate professor of government and women studies."
Want to bet whether she is on the left or the right?
***********************************************************
Ritter: The messages we send when moms stay home
By Gretchen Ritter
'Well, I could have just stayed home and baked cookies." In the firestorm that followed her comment, Hillary Rodham Clinton learned that you should never deny the virtues of stay-at-home motherhood.
Nowadays, the candidates' wives prove their maternal merit by competing in a cookie cook-off every four years. In the decade or so since this line was uttered, women's rights advocates have grown silent on the topic of motherhood. Few dare to criticize the new stay-at-home mom movement recently discussed on this page in the Austin American-Statesman.
It is time to have an honest conversation about what is lost when women stay home. In a nation devoted to motherhood and apple pie, what could possibly be wrong with staying home to care for your children?
Several things, I think.
It denies men the chance to be involved fathers. This is a loss for them and a loss for their children. What does it mean when fathers are denied the opportunity to nurture their kids in ways that are as important as their work? What do the children miss when they don't have fathers changing their diapers, picking them up from school, coaching soccer, making breakfast or dinner and doing homework with them? On both sides, the answer is too much.
Women who stay at home also lose out — they lose a chance to contribute as professionals and community activists. Parenting is an important social contribution. But we need women in medicine, law, education, politics and the arts. It is not selfish to want to give your talents to the broader community — it is an important part of citizenship to do so, and it is something we should expect of everyone.
Full-time mothering is also bad for children. It teaches them that the world is divided by gender. This sends the wrong message to our sons and daughters. I do not want our girls to grow up thinking they must marry and have children to be successful, or that you can only be a good mother if you give up your work.
Nor do I want boys to think that caring for families is women's work and making money is men's work. Our sons and daughters should grow up thinking that raising and providing for a family is a joint enterprise among all the adults in the family.
The new stay-at-home motherhood movement parallels the movement to create the "perfect" child. It's not just that mothers are home with their children; they are engaged with their children constantly so they will "develop" properly. Many middle-class parents demand too much of their children. We enroll them in soccer, religious classes, dance, art, piano, French lessons, etc., placing them on the quest for continuous self-improvement.
Many of these youngsters end up stressed out. Children should think it is all right to just hang out and be kids sometimes. They should learn that parents have interests separate from their lives as parents. And we should all learn that mothers are not fully responsible for who their children become — so are fathers, neighbors, friends, the extended family and children themselves.
Finally, the stay-at-home mother movement is bad for society. It tells employers that women who marry and have children are at risk of withdrawing from their careers, and that men who marry and have children will remain fully focused on their careers, regardless of family demands. Both lessons reinforce sex discrimination.
This movement also privileges certain kinds of families, making it harder for others. The more stay-at-home mothers there are, the more schools and libraries will neglect the needs of working parents, and the more professional mothers, single mothers, working-class mothers and lesbian mothers will feel judged for their failure to be in a traditional family and stay home their children.
By creating an expectation that mothers could and should stay home, we lose sight of the fact that most parents do work — and that they need affordable, high quality child care, after-school enrichment programs and family leave policies that allow mothers and fathers to nurture their children without giving up work.
Raising children is one of the most demanding and rewarding of jobs. It is also a job that should be shared, between parents and within communities, for the sake of us all.
Ritter is director of the Center for Women's and Gender Studies at UT and an associate professor of government and women studies.

Pages
Oh, please.<<
I didn't sterotype anyone!!!! I was talking about what is on daytime TV, never accused any of you SAHM's of watching it did I???? Don't get so defensive.
I'm sticking up for us Mom's who choose to work, were have a voice also!!!
Thing is, everyone sticks up for Moms who work, either by choice or necessity, but there really is a division of moms. I'm not kidding when I say a LOT of people have this really low view of mom's who stay at home. Troll over to one of mom message boards here. I caught a conversation about 2 weeks ago concerning what you tell people when they ask you "so, what do you do". A lot of us SAHMs get looked down upon because we "just" stay at home with the kids. That's the problem, people think that we sit around watching daytime tv and snacking on junk food all day. We don't.
Staying at home with the kids is hard work too. But people love to downplay that job. And sticking in little jabs (whether intentional or not, it was a jab) about daytime tv, further prepetuates the idea that moms who do that somehow have the easy life. Sticking up for moms who work is fine, but be respectful to those who stay at home with their kids at the same time.
But I'm sorry you took my TV comment the way you did. I was talking about myself and staying home after working for so many years. I'm sure not all SAHM's are as good at it as you are, because SOMEONE is watching daytime TV or the advertising wouldn't sell the way it does. I guess it's the babysitters who are suppose to be watching the working Moms kids.....
Ok you're right, I'm sure not EVERYONE sticks up for working moms, but there has definitely been a large shift in the nature with which we socially view moms who work. The government has put in place laws that protect a mother's right to work and have children and how that life will parallel. Employers must grant a pregnant woman maternity leave and the chance to reclaim her position once her leave is over. Employers cannot ask about your intention to bear children when on a job interview, as a means to discriminate against women who would or may plan to have a family. These are things that support and defend the working mother.
I chose to stay at home with my kids for two reasons: 1) It was important to me that I saw my children every step of the way in their growth because it's personally fufilling to me and 2) I was not in an established "career" that afforded me a wage high enough to make a difference financially in our house after day care expenses were taken into account.
Don't get me wrong, there are days when I find myself singing the sesamee street theme or I realize that I haven't had an adult conversation in over eight hours and I think "working would be good for me mentally", but I also know that I would miss my kids terribly if I did. It was a choice that I made, but not one that I should be seen as lesser or rediculous for making, and some (not saying you) really do see it as such.
And in most cases I swear I thing you gals can. My wife never ceases to amaze me with what she can accomplish. I'd collapse or run screaming from the house...
I'll tell you that we have digital cable with 300 channels and yet it stays on the channels you mention. My friends ask us "hey did you see last night's *whatever*?" I also answer "heck no but did you see what Elmo did yesterday?" I haven't seen a regular television show since my kids were born. Not that I'm missing much.
One exception....when football is on...Daddy gets the big TV...other than that...I hear more Dora, Blue, Elmo, Spongebob and Ord (Dragontales, I can't believe I know that) than anything else
We think about it from time to time! :)
LOL...my friends come over and if the kids are napping, there will still be the din or Dora singing "We did it" in the background, and they ask, "why is this on? The kids are sleeping." Tell you what, I don't even notice that it's not "regular" tv anymore!
Our tv has two positions during the day: off or on kid tv.
Our tv has two positions during the day: off or on kid tv. "
Yea but have you ever been walking through the mall at lunch with a friend and to your own surprise broke into a rousing song of "Fruit Salad...yummy yummy" (The Wiggles) or broke into "Dragon tales, dragon tales..."
I swear some of my friends (Kidsless) think I've lost my mind...maybe I have but what the heck its fun.
LOL...more or less. My kidless friends think I've completely gone off the deep end, and one of them says "see, this is why I don't plan on having kids" lol...don't make me the poster child for parenting I guess. But everyone just thought I was strange when I was "kidlike" (I've always been a kid at heart) before I was a mom, now they just think..."oh, it must be the babies that did that to her..."
LOL
Pages