Stay at home Moms are bad!!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Stay at home Moms are bad!!?
89
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 3:23pm
This is the kind of crap that I'm talking about when I say our country is falling apart.

How in the world this woman makes these statements and believes them is amazing.

Oh and here are her qualifications:

"Ritter is director of the Center for Women's and Gender Studies at UT and an associate professor of government and women studies."

Want to bet whether she is on the left or the right?

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Ritter: The messages we send when moms stay home

By Gretchen Ritter

'Well, I could have just stayed home and baked cookies." In the firestorm that followed her comment, Hillary Rodham Clinton learned that you should never deny the virtues of stay-at-home motherhood.

Nowadays, the candidates' wives prove their maternal merit by competing in a cookie cook-off every four years. In the decade or so since this line was uttered, women's rights advocates have grown silent on the topic of motherhood. Few dare to criticize the new stay-at-home mom movement recently discussed on this page in the Austin American-Statesman.

It is time to have an honest conversation about what is lost when women stay home. In a nation devoted to motherhood and apple pie, what could possibly be wrong with staying home to care for your children?

Several things, I think.

It denies men the chance to be involved fathers. This is a loss for them and a loss for their children. What does it mean when fathers are denied the opportunity to nurture their kids in ways that are as important as their work? What do the children miss when they don't have fathers changing their diapers, picking them up from school, coaching soccer, making breakfast or dinner and doing homework with them? On both sides, the answer is too much.

Women who stay at home also lose out — they lose a chance to contribute as professionals and community activists. Parenting is an important social contribution. But we need women in medicine, law, education, politics and the arts. It is not selfish to want to give your talents to the broader community — it is an important part of citizenship to do so, and it is something we should expect of everyone.

Full-time mothering is also bad for children. It teaches them that the world is divided by gender. This sends the wrong message to our sons and daughters. I do not want our girls to grow up thinking they must marry and have children to be successful, or that you can only be a good mother if you give up your work.

Nor do I want boys to think that caring for families is women's work and making money is men's work. Our sons and daughters should grow up thinking that raising and providing for a family is a joint enterprise among all the adults in the family.

The new stay-at-home motherhood movement parallels the movement to create the "perfect" child. It's not just that mothers are home with their children; they are engaged with their children constantly so they will "develop" properly. Many middle-class parents demand too much of their children. We enroll them in soccer, religious classes, dance, art, piano, French lessons, etc., placing them on the quest for continuous self-improvement.

Many of these youngsters end up stressed out. Children should think it is all right to just hang out and be kids sometimes. They should learn that parents have interests separate from their lives as parents. And we should all learn that mothers are not fully responsible for who their children become — so are fathers, neighbors, friends, the extended family and children themselves.

Finally, the stay-at-home mother movement is bad for society. It tells employers that women who marry and have children are at risk of withdrawing from their careers, and that men who marry and have children will remain fully focused on their careers, regardless of family demands. Both lessons reinforce sex discrimination.

This movement also privileges certain kinds of families, making it harder for others. The more stay-at-home mothers there are, the more schools and libraries will neglect the needs of working parents, and the more professional mothers, single mothers, working-class mothers and lesbian mothers will feel judged for their failure to be in a traditional family and stay home their children.

By creating an expectation that mothers could and should stay home, we lose sight of the fact that most parents do work — and that they need affordable, high quality child care, after-school enrichment programs and family leave policies that allow mothers and fathers to nurture their children without giving up work.

Raising children is one of the most demanding and rewarding of jobs. It is also a job that should be shared, between parents and within communities, for the sake of us all.

Ritter is director of the Center for Women's and Gender Studies at UT and an associate professor of government and women studies.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Thu, 08-05-2004 - 3:37pm
The most important thing the author forgot is the parent's personality. YOu cannot say stay at home moms are bad or good. Some people are better at organizing home, cooking , cleaning etc whereas some are excellent at working out of home as proffessional. But a child definitely benefits from one parent remaining home at least when he or she is young. At the same time I don't think a child is at a great disadvantage if both parents are working. I was at home for 2 years when my kids were 2 yo because of layoffs and always thought that it was good for me since I got to spend time with my kids. Now I am at work and I feel I am teaching my kids that everyone has to work to earn a living. But ofcourse I will never take up a kind of work which will keep me away from my kids' daily life. Even my husband would not want to be in a type of work which keeps him away from his kids for prolonged period. Those are the sacrifice you have to make once you have decided to have kids. But at the same time I am a lousy house keeper and I find it very hard to stay at home and do all house hold chores. I think it is very tough. I love my kids and I would rather spend time with them than do cleaning.

Any ways I don't know if I made a point in there, but one cannot generalize on this issue. It also depends on the child's temperament.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Thu, 08-05-2004 - 3:43pm
That is true. I am so used to watching Dora, franklin and blues clues that I end up watching that even when I am alone at home.. :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2004
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 9:04am
This is the problem with society today. The mine set of some of our female gender in power today. Women from the start receive a lesser salary than men in the same position.

Why, because the companies feel that women get pregnant and will need maternity leave and want attend to their children. Never mind that that woman is working just as hard or harder to achieve the goals expected for her job and move up in her career. Children are our future. If everyone worked. Who is raising our kids? Not everyone can afford the high cost of daycares, nannies, day providers, camps, house sitters, etc. And if they afford these services, how do they know it's the right one for them? I don't know if Ritter reads or hear the news about how a growing number of children are being raped of their childhood because of some caregivers perverse minds. Television, videos, electronic gadgets are raising a lot of our children. What's go to be the mind set of these children when they become adults? For the stay at home mom or dad, their children are going grow up knowing that someone cared enough about them, took the time to teach them about life and they will grow up to be outstanding citizens. I have been on both side of the spectrum, so I am not knocking the working mom. But for some to state that stay at home moms are bad is ludicrous and ignorant. Her last statment is to be considered because the moms do not have to always be the one to stay at home. But that is for another issue.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2004
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 10:11am
My husband would give anything to stay at home with our daughter. Then again, he thinks taking care of her is daily trips to the zoo and the pool, never mind the house cleaning and laundry aspect of the job. lol

I really just wish everyone would stop bashing the other side and let people find out what works best for them and their family and then let it be! I've been on both sides and they both have their pro's and con's. I don't think one is necessarily better then the other, just different. What I'd really like to see is more men and women having more flexibility in chosing which path they'd like to pursue. Too many people feel forced down one road and I think that creates the majority of the tension between the two lifestyles.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 10:23am
NT

Gettingahandle

Ignorance is Nature's most abundant fuel for decision making.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 10:27am
>>>have been working since I was 16y/o, full time for about the last 18 years. My gosh daytime TV alone would make me go insane or at least kill a few brain cells<<<

some sahm do work full time, they just don't get paid for it, and I have to wonder what makes you think sahm watch daytime tv. maybe some, but I haven't watched daytime tv for much of those 20 (didn't have time) i was a sahm,and not many of my fellow sahm either.

I didn't sit on my arse for 20 years as a sahm mum baily, when the kids were in school I was either training or working as a crisis counselor, running a newletter for two mental health organizations, attending college classes, doing workshops, involved in school volunteer activities, and in later years working in my studio at home and doing related art activities. Yes there are some mothers that don't do much, but then there are plenty (my personal experience) who are very busy intellectually, socially (as in doing community projects,volunteering etc) between diapers, child activities and the usual bore we all have to face, cleaning house.



>>>I have heard/read plenty of derogatory comments about working Mothers also. To each his own I say. What ever is best for your family<<<

on this I agree, I was raised by a working mum and it was the absolutely best thing for our family at the time, I do not relate to the derogatory comments about working mothers at all.

Avatar for baileyhouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 10:32am
Read my post...I'm talking about MYSELF and why at this stage of my life I could not stay home....I didn't mention anything about other SAHM's...get a grip ladies...Bottom line, someones watching daytime TV...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 10:39am
>>>Women who stay at home also lose out — they lose a chance to contribute as professionals and community activists. Parenting is an important social contribution. But we need women in medicine, law, education, politics and the arts.<<<


Not sure where the author gets the idea stay at home parents lose out, most of the parents I know (a few fathers inlcuded) are at home writing novels, on city councils, taking college classes while the kids are in school, volunteering at the league of women voters. One friend who homeschool's is working with the local historical society and opening up a museum in part of her home, has her art studio at the back of her house, is a new member in our gallery and is helping organize a not for profit childrens art show in our back gallery. Another friend is organizing fundraising for political campaign.I realize that my experience and who I have known over the last 20 years is not representative of all sahm but it also highlights that one cannot decide what all sahm do based on the ones who fit the stereotype.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 12:50pm
I did read your post and you said you coudn't stand the idea of staying home and not working or watching daytime tv, and I simply responded that neither do sahm mums.


>>>Bottom line, someones watching daytime TV...<<

sure but ya know, there are a lot of people recording their fave daytome shows while away at the job.


alfreda

grip is fine thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 1:09pm
Vader, there are extremist views on boths sides of the issue. Think it ia bit extreme to say that this is why the country is falling apart.

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