Stay at home Moms are bad!!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Stay at home Moms are bad!!?
89
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 3:23pm
This is the kind of crap that I'm talking about when I say our country is falling apart.

How in the world this woman makes these statements and believes them is amazing.

Oh and here are her qualifications:

"Ritter is director of the Center for Women's and Gender Studies at UT and an associate professor of government and women studies."

Want to bet whether she is on the left or the right?

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Ritter: The messages we send when moms stay home

By Gretchen Ritter

'Well, I could have just stayed home and baked cookies." In the firestorm that followed her comment, Hillary Rodham Clinton learned that you should never deny the virtues of stay-at-home motherhood.

Nowadays, the candidates' wives prove their maternal merit by competing in a cookie cook-off every four years. In the decade or so since this line was uttered, women's rights advocates have grown silent on the topic of motherhood. Few dare to criticize the new stay-at-home mom movement recently discussed on this page in the Austin American-Statesman.

It is time to have an honest conversation about what is lost when women stay home. In a nation devoted to motherhood and apple pie, what could possibly be wrong with staying home to care for your children?

Several things, I think.

It denies men the chance to be involved fathers. This is a loss for them and a loss for their children. What does it mean when fathers are denied the opportunity to nurture their kids in ways that are as important as their work? What do the children miss when they don't have fathers changing their diapers, picking them up from school, coaching soccer, making breakfast or dinner and doing homework with them? On both sides, the answer is too much.

Women who stay at home also lose out — they lose a chance to contribute as professionals and community activists. Parenting is an important social contribution. But we need women in medicine, law, education, politics and the arts. It is not selfish to want to give your talents to the broader community — it is an important part of citizenship to do so, and it is something we should expect of everyone.

Full-time mothering is also bad for children. It teaches them that the world is divided by gender. This sends the wrong message to our sons and daughters. I do not want our girls to grow up thinking they must marry and have children to be successful, or that you can only be a good mother if you give up your work.

Nor do I want boys to think that caring for families is women's work and making money is men's work. Our sons and daughters should grow up thinking that raising and providing for a family is a joint enterprise among all the adults in the family.

The new stay-at-home motherhood movement parallels the movement to create the "perfect" child. It's not just that mothers are home with their children; they are engaged with their children constantly so they will "develop" properly. Many middle-class parents demand too much of their children. We enroll them in soccer, religious classes, dance, art, piano, French lessons, etc., placing them on the quest for continuous self-improvement.

Many of these youngsters end up stressed out. Children should think it is all right to just hang out and be kids sometimes. They should learn that parents have interests separate from their lives as parents. And we should all learn that mothers are not fully responsible for who their children become — so are fathers, neighbors, friends, the extended family and children themselves.

Finally, the stay-at-home mother movement is bad for society. It tells employers that women who marry and have children are at risk of withdrawing from their careers, and that men who marry and have children will remain fully focused on their careers, regardless of family demands. Both lessons reinforce sex discrimination.

This movement also privileges certain kinds of families, making it harder for others. The more stay-at-home mothers there are, the more schools and libraries will neglect the needs of working parents, and the more professional mothers, single mothers, working-class mothers and lesbian mothers will feel judged for their failure to be in a traditional family and stay home their children.

By creating an expectation that mothers could and should stay home, we lose sight of the fact that most parents do work — and that they need affordable, high quality child care, after-school enrichment programs and family leave policies that allow mothers and fathers to nurture their children without giving up work.

Raising children is one of the most demanding and rewarding of jobs. It is also a job that should be shared, between parents and within communities, for the sake of us all.

Ritter is director of the Center for Women's and Gender Studies at UT and an associate professor of government and women studies.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 8:47am
for me being a sahm provided opportunities that made life very fulfilling. I was my own boss and when the kids were in school the world was my oyster. I had the time to do things that I couldn't have done as easily if working full time (specialized training in a variety of volunteer jobs, college classes, art related activities, networking).


alfreda

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 9:43am
well, bed is made, dishes are done, breakfast finished, can't stay here all day and chat about women who stay home and do nothing all day, have studio work, paperwork, business calls and followups to do.


alfreda

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 11:44am

Hey, we all misunderstand posts from time to time.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 11:52am

Not my favorite way to spend my freetime either,(something I continue to remind my husband and kids) but I do manage too get it done, plus get to my son's baseball games. I guess there is enough hours in the day.


LOL!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 12:09pm

Understood...however I was only referring to housework.


Avatar for baileyhouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 12:25pm
I put as much as I can above housework!!!LOL...

>>and having a teenage DD who wants to buy things on her own is helping.<<

Same here with my 16y/oDS who has a few chores to do for spending money, but boy I do have to constantly remind him. I finally decided to quit doing things in a timely manner and low and behold I started getting a little more help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 4:06pm
Try containers. They give you the chance to move a plant (for instance, if you've put a shade loving plant in a sunny spot). Also it's much easier to hide a botched effort--chuck the plant, keep the container, get a new plant and if anyone comments on the switch, blink your eyes once, give a blank gaze and say "Whatever on earth are you talking about?"

Gettingahandle

Ignorance is Nature's most abundant fuel for decision making.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 5:11pm
My favorite thing is to "rotate" the container. If the front of the plant is looking a little peaked, I'll simply spin it around and back it up against a wall or a bush or something. LOL :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 5:34pm
THANK YOU!!! This is exactly what I was saying in the long version! People shouldn't get mad at me because I want to raise my son and I feel they should too. I didn't realize they would get soooo defensive because they work and won't stay home. Before you even have children you should think about if you want society (hahaha) raising your children OR you. I worked in daycare before I had my son and I am speaking from experience. 3 out of 3 that I worked for DID NOT hold the babies when they cried, change them on time, tell the parents anything unless is was good news, told the children they were spoiled if they cried at 12 mons.!!! etc. Believe me - my son WILL NEVER be subjected to caregiver neglect.

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