I'd appreciate some feedback on my qu...
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|Thu, 02-15-2001 - 11:13pm|
I'd appreciate some feedback on my query!
Hi everyone! Well, I just got my first official rejection from a publisher. I've revised my query to resubmit, and I'd like your comments. Please be brutal! I used the sample queries in Children's Writer's & Illustrator's Market as guidelines. My first query didn't have as much detail, and it didn't include information about future books. Keep in mind this query is going solo-the publisher doesn't want the actual manuscripts! Thanks!
PS: I don't really have any experience-I've written some freelance pieces, but they were years ago and not for children. I write stories for my kids and their friends, and I write for the local PTA newsletter. Under the circumstances, I thought it was better not to mention experience. What do you think?
HERE'S THE LETTER:
Emma D. Dryden Margaret K. McElderry Books 1230 Sixth Avenue New York, NY 10020
February 15, 2001
Dear Ms. Dryden
Have you ever heard of a moose living on Long Island? Six year old Michael and his family have found a homeless moose while exploring Quebec City and brought him home. Life will become topsy-turvy as they try to cope with their newest member, who mischievously manages to find mounds of madcap mayhem!
My humorous picture book "Maximilian the Mischievous Moose", which contains 1078 words, is narrated by young Michael. His voice brings a youthful, friendly warmth to the narration that kids (and adults) will love. I've also used vivid imagery and description with vocabulary easily identified by children.
We begin by meeting Max and Michael, and learning why Michael loves having such a unique pet. But then we learn about the trouble Max has adjusting to life on Long Island: he eats one neighbor's flowers, knocks another's birdhouses out of the trees and drinks a third neighbor's milk from the milkman. Michael tries to teach Max about manners and respect, but Max proceeds to follow Michael to school and wreak havoc! He tries to play basketball in the gym, but his antlers get tangled in the hoop. He tries to eat lunch with Michael, but he winds up eating everyone's food! He tries to listen at story time but breaks every chair he sits in. He tries to make arts and crafts but he eats all the paste, steps on all the crayons and smashes the projects to bits. Worst of all, he chews the fire alarm! Michael's mom and dad think Max may have to go back to Canada. Will Max learn to obey the rules of society, or will he be sent back to the forest?
The story closes with Max finally finding his niche. The school catches fire, and he saves the children by first warning them with a loud moose wail (moose are known for their piercing cries), and then by running through the fire and carrying the children out on his back. He is given a medal by the mayor and made a volunteer firefighter. He may stay with his family!
This book is filled with messages for children that anyone may eventually fit in, and that love always endures! In a fun and irreverent manner it teaches them that it is okay to be different! It is the first in a series of books about Max and his adventures (and misadventures) on Long Island. The second book, "Maximilian Barges In", goes back in time and details how the family meets Max and how he is transported home (on Aunt Olga's barge). Other books will address specific topics that concern children, such as trips to the doctor, starting a new school year, teasing and more. They will be addressed in a playful, light manner with a happy ending at the end! I also plan to write Max books for holidays such as Halloween, Valentine's Day and all holidays.
I hope you will want to read it! I am giving you an exclusive three-week period to consider this query before sending it to other publishers. I look forward to hearing from you.