Aug. exercise...oops posted in wrong ...
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|Fri, 08-10-2001 - 12:03pm|
Aug. exercise...oops posted in wrong place
Oops I posted this as a response rather than it's own thread.
Sorry, I'll post it again:
Again, I would like some input on it:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~This room, I thought, was the end. It's cream colored walls, nondescript brown carpet and soft white light were somehow meant to soothe. The details of the room are wiped clean from my memory, that is if I even took the time to notice them. All that captured my focus was the dark hardwood (Oak, I think) with brass inlay that was my father's casket. The various floral arrangements gave the room a slight perfume but did not mask the heavy scent of death that weighed me down as soon as I walked in.
But was it really the end? Perhaps, speaking spiritually, it was a beginning for him, an existence on a new plane, or a whole new existence on this one. It's the type of thoughts you have when somebody you loves dies. You think that they are someplace "better" and you will see them again when you yourself die. It helps you cope with the fact that you will never get to see them again in your life.
They say that the wind from one door closing, opens another door. To say that the door closing on my father's life opened a new door for me is quite accurate. It opened to door to my thinking, that there is more beyond the here and now. He was the first person really close to me to die. The issue of death was one that always managed to allude me until my early twenties. Yes, people I knew died before my father did, but they were always on the periphery; a distant aunt, a friend of a friend. The philosophy of life and death never held me before because it was on the outskirts of my emotions. After my father's death I found myself wondering about the mysteries that is the foundations for many religons and cultures. Is there a heaven, and if so is Dad there playing with my childhood dog? Are souls eternal, and will Dad be reincarnated and reintroduced into my life in the form of a lost stray cat that I feed in the garage.
I still don't have these questions answered, and perhaps I never will. Yet is still seems strange to have the end of one person's life be the beginning of an emotional exploration for me.