Rules, rules, rules!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2003
Rules, rules, rules!!!
14
Fri, 11-28-2003 - 3:24pm
Hello everyone and Happy Post-Thankgiving Day! Of course, I've eaten too much...story of my life. I'm 29 years old, will be 30 in about 2 more months...ouch. I'm 250 pounds, or I was last time I checked BEFORE the Turkey Day incident. I've been overweight my whole life. Yes, I was one of those babies that came into the world already fat. That was the last time anyone ever referred to my body fat as "cute". Now I'm looked upon as repulsive, ugly, and everything else under the sun. Being an adult now, I don't get outright made fun of like I did in school, but I can still see it in their eyes, the way they look at me up and down.

A few years ago, I finally was fed up and lost 70 pounds. It was the greatest feeling in the world to have accomplished such a feat. I actually had men noticing me, holding the door open for me, it was exhilerating and at the same time alien to me since I've never experienced the strange phenomenon of being noticed by men. Well, needless to say, I've gained the weight back and then some. I now have 110 pounds to lose to be at my goal weight. I so need help. I've tried crappy diets, I've tried starving, I've tried just about everything.

The last thing I tried was the South Beach Diet. It worked up to about a week and a half and then I cracked. The restrictions were soooo hard, I just folded. I think that's the problem with me. If I know there's rules involved, and strict ones at that, I instantly fail. If I term it as work, as a chore; instead of something that can be fun and beneficial to me, I might as well pack it up.

I'm so tired of being fat. And it's so affecting my experience at dating life...it's nonexistent. I'm almost 30 years old and had only 1, count it, 1 boyfriend; and that was at age 17. I was so desperate, at age 24, I began going to chat rooms just to make friends and feel like I had a life. I met a man online -- I know, I can hear the groans -- and started a relationship with him. We met in person and he told me he loved me, all the mushy things liars say. I lost my virginity to him and he dumped me. Needless to say, what was left of my self-esteem took a fiery nosedive off a cliff.

I just want to lose weight. I don't even care about being in a relationship with a man right now. All I want to do is lose weight. All those little demons from my childhood and teen years keep creeping back into my life telling me how fat I am, how ugly I am, and that I should just do them all a favor and die. I want to banish them forever into my past and say, "I showed you."

Is there anyone out there that can give me some advice on how I can get my fat behind in gear and see losing weight as fun and not a chore? I look in the mirror and see an ugly, fat beast. Please help.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-28-2003 - 4:04pm

Ok, I'm sure many others on this board recognize the stage you are in.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2003
Fri, 11-28-2003 - 4:04pm
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Edited 11/29/2003 3:19:33 PM ET by pat_made_it
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Fri, 11-28-2003 - 5:15pm
way to go, dana, great post! :D
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-28-2003 - 7:58pm

Hi there =)

  Shawna-- Proud Cl for 100 Pounds or More to Go 

Avatar for shandc
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Fri, 11-28-2003 - 8:19pm
Hi Rames26,

Welcome! If you're looking for support, you're in the right place. I'm not a regular contributor to this board, I tend to hang out more on the SBD page, but your story touched me and I wanted to respond to you anyway.

Like I said, I'm on SBD. I'm in Phase 2 now, about to go back to Phase 1 for some tween-holiday jumpstarting :-) I've been overweight most of adult life as well, but this is the first formal diet I've tried. The SBD rules and guidelines looked pretty scary when I started, and along the way I've decided to concentrate on the ones that work best for me and let the rest take care of themselves. If you ever decide you want to give SBD another shot, come on over to our board and you'll find a bunch of great women there. I also belong to a support group that communicates over email. We all have different backgrounds and goals, but everyone has really been there for each other. If you'd ever like to, feel free to email me at shandcsbd@excite.com. I only use that address for SBD communications, so to anyone else who is reading this: NO SPAM PLEASE! I should clarify that I'm not trying to sell you on SBD, that's just what I'm doing :-) Feel free to join our support group no matter what plan you settle on, we love having various opinions!

I wish you the very best of luck in finding the plan that will work for you. I hope that you find happiness in yourself, and the right support system for you. Please let me know if there's ever anything I can do to help.

:-)

Shan

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2003
Sat, 11-29-2003 - 3:18am

Welcome to the boards!

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2003
Sat, 11-29-2003 - 7:45am
?

Deb 270/228/145ish  (updated 4/19/04. Next weigh-in: 6/1/04)

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2003
Sat, 11-29-2003 - 7:53am

Hi and welcome! This is a great place to start. You will get much support here and I have found everyone to be supportive.

Deb 270/228/145ish  (updated 4/19/04. Next weigh-in: 6/1/04)

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2003
Sat, 11-29-2003 - 2:57pm
Thank you to those of you who shared your positive thoughts with me. I'm taking my first steps in opening up to people I don't know and sharing my grief. That leaves me vulnerable to those who only wish to hurt, but I think it's a risk well taken. I read a whole spectrum of responses from the brutal truth to empathic support.

Yes, I do have other issues that affect my self worth other than my size. I'll have to deal with them on my own terms and work through it before things will ever get better. I've taken some of the advice given on the replies and am now working toward my life goal. It's touch and go and one day at a time on this end. I'll give South Beach another try. I won't quit, I won't give up; and with supportive people like you around, I know I can get healthy and back to feeling life is good.

Again, thank you to all of you.

Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 11-29-2003 - 7:26pm
That is a great attitude Amy!

  Shawna-- Proud Cl for 100 Pounds or More to Go 

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