OT ~ Let's Vent!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-1999
OT ~ Let's Vent!!
11
Thu, 02-05-2004 - 4:39pm
I don't want to be the only one to do this...feel free to reply & vent!!

I have this friend (I'm not sure if this is the best word) who always says she's going to call and who also didn't phone me when she moved to a city an hour away from here. I found out she moved through my mom (who works at the post office). My "friend" phoned me and apologized telling me how stressed she was and everything...I bought it. I've supported her when she decided she wanted to lose weight. She supported me when I was single and pregnant. I gave her money when she couldn't pay her full dental bill. I've treated her like my little sister.

Everything was great, we'd go out once a month for a "girls night out" and it was all good. We were e-mailing eachother to save on phone bills. Then the "friend" gets a boyfriend and I hear from her once every 2-3 weeks. I asked her if she wanted to go out last Thursday and she was busy...no problem. She said that we'd go out this Thursday. I doubt that because I haven't heard from her in almost 2 weeks. So...I garbaged the idea of going out tonight and wrote her this e-mail:

"I wish you all the best between you and Joe. Hopefully someday you have a happy family.

If you would have just told me you didn't have time to have a friendship, I would have understood. Now you don't have to say things you don't mean. I know you won't call when you say. Do me the favor of atleast putting an ad in the paper when & if you do get married. Good Luck!"

I know it may be a little harsh but....ugh! I'm not a high maintenance friend. All I ask is that once a week she drop me a little note atleast to say "Life is busy, thinking of you. Talk to you soon." But, nope, that's too much to ask. I've played these games in high school...I'm sick of this!!

Am I acting out of line??

I just had to type this instead of going and eating some chocolate. She's not worth gaining weight over.

I'd really like a punching bag right now.

~Dana

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-05-2004 - 5:29pm

Hmm

  Shawna-- Proud Cl for 100 Pounds or More to Go 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Thu, 02-05-2004 - 6:11pm

I probably would have sent the email, but said something like this


"We made plans for tonight and I haven't heard from you at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Thu, 02-05-2004 - 6:12pm
I have friends like that too. One of my friends barely ever communicates with me at all. I am always the one who calls her and stuff..she has called me a couple times last fall, but still...I just always want to keep in touch b/c I am that kind of person. I guess sometimes I am too persistant b/c I love friendships and I hate to lose them...

BUT, right now I am pissed at my B/F!!! Dangit he pisses me off!! He told me he'd call me yesterday before work and he didn't. Granted, I called him on Tuesday, but he said he'd call. He ALWAYS calls me on Wednesdays..or if he can't at least on Thursdays! Those are his days off...I am just like GRRR!! And I am gonna see him tomorrow(after 2 weeks) and he'll be like "Sorry I didn't call on Wednesday but...blah blah blah..." I am a phone person and he is not, but WE SEE EACHOTHER EVERY TWO WEEKS!!!! Is a PHONE CALL TOO much to ASK?

I hate men.

sara

~Sayruhb02
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-05-2004 - 6:15pm

Yup.

  Shawna-- Proud Cl for 100 Pounds or More to Go 

Avatar for angelinoh
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Thu, 02-05-2004 - 9:16pm
i personally think the email was harsh and out of line. Just because she's been busy? maybe you've got something going on and taking it out on her? i dunno just an idea
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Fri, 02-06-2004 - 9:58am
I don't think it was out of line. It's not b/c she was too busy too call her, it's that she's ALWAYS too busy for Dana. If she wants to actually maintain a friendship with Dana, then she's got to put SOME effort into it. You can't have a one-sided relationship with someone, and if you are having one, you might as well break it off b/c what the heck is the point???

That's just my opinion.

sara

~Sayruhb02
Avatar for angelinoh
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Fri, 02-06-2004 - 10:59am
yep everyone has their own opinions
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2003
Fri, 02-06-2004 - 3:01pm
Harsh? Yes. Out of line? Well, the way it was worded, yes. (Sorry, just my opinion) Your email sounds like a child throwing a temper tantrum. There are ways to get your point across, and also maintain a level of maturity.

A much better response was posted by cl-divinetrash, who wrote the example "We made plans for tonight and I haven't heard from you at all. This seems to be happening a lot lately, and to be honest, I'm a little upset about it. I understand that you're busy, but if you can't keep your plans with me, at least let me know so I can plan on doing something else. Give me a buzz whenever your life calms down, and maybe we could see if we can get together".

Next time something like that happens, write out what you are thinking of saying/emailing, then come back after a few hours and read it again, or have someone else read it and give you an opinion. Sometimes what first pops into our head when we're upset isn't the best thing to say or do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-1999
Fri, 02-06-2004 - 3:15pm
Thank you ladies for responding!! It was nice to hear everyone's opinion about this.

Yes, I do realize now that it was harsh and out of line. Do I regret it? Nope. I've been dealing with her excuses and apologies on a regular basis for 3 years now. If it had been directed (the e-mail) to anyone else but her...I would NOT have sent it and I would have regretted even thinking the way I did.

Thank you Sara (sayruhb02) for informing me that I'm not the only one dealing with a friend like this.

No offense was taken at all. I ASKED for opinions and I received opinions. Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to this stupid problem.

Have a wonderful weekend!!

~Dana

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Mon, 02-09-2004 - 3:00pm
Ducking, because I don't want to get attacked online. But if you're asking this question seriously, yes I think your e-mail to the friend was out of line. People have friends, but friends doesn't mean *ownership* and if I had to check in with all the people I know "once a week" as you want her to do....well, I wouldn't have much time for living.

Why are you a "high maintenance friend?" Seriously. That may be a clue to change. And why would you "dive into chocolate" because of it? That makes no sense.

Sorry, I wanted to write more but someone is calling me at the moment.

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