venting and questions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
venting and questions.
18
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 11:13am
Ya'll...

I am going through some major insecurity right now. Believe me when I say that I do believe Jeff when he said some things but I am still confused on why. This is when the old voices come back adn really try and knock me down.

I don't understand and I am not sure that I am what he thinks I am. I am usually very secure in my looks but this is the old junk coming back to haunt me. I am beyond nervous and on edge about this.

For those who have dealt with this...how??? And is it hard to really accept a man's compliment when you look at the other gals running around in -10 and wonder if he means it?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 11:40am
Okay, this is what I have learned about guys (my roomate is my bestfriend who is a guy and this is what he always tells me). Guys say what they mean and mean what they say. There is never any hidden meaning behind anything. Their minds don't work that way. So, if he says he thinks you're pretty/attractive you are to him (doesn't matter what you think of yourself). So many times a guys says something to us and we try so hard to disect it and figure out what he "really means". We drive ourselves crazy. It's not out of this world to think that someone finds you attractive. If you don't think you are it doesn't mean he doesn't right? So, try and put those crazy ideas out of your head and enjoy each moment. Otherwise, your self doubt will inhibit you from having fun and experiencing what we all deserve. From what I know of you so far and from what I can imagine, you are a beautiful lady with so much vitality, heart, charisma and charm. You deserve the best girl.

Kerry

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 11:46am
Kerry...

Oh thank you! I had a horrid grandpa at times who told me until he died that I was nothing and it still sticks there and rears it's ugly head from time to time.

I believe I am pretty but beautiful is so far removed from that thinking I am confused by it.

I got engaged to my best friend which didn't end as it should have. He was a dork. A lot of broken hearst there. This will be the first man that I have dared to consider in almost 4 years. I just don't understand why me when there are so many better figured gals running around.

But you are so right. It's just so hard to believe and then to accept.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 11:47am
In one word yes.

  Shawna-- Proud Cl for 100 Pounds or More to Go 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 11:50am
Hi Karrie,

I understand your insecurities. When I met my husband, I was overweight and very insecure about it. He would tell me (and still does) that I'm beautiful. I had a hard time believing that. Sometimes even after 12 years of marriage, I still have a hard time believing that he thinks I'm beautiful. I remember when we were dating and he would try to put his arms around my waist, I would back off. When I told him why I was uncomfortable with that, because of the weight, he said that I was being silly and that he thought that I was beautiful. We've been together for over sixteen years, and he still tells me that all the time.

I don't know if this man is the one that you will spend the rest of your life with or not, it's definitely too early to tell, but believe him when he tells you that you're beautiful. I know that sometimes it's hard to believe that he really thinks you're beautiful when you see all the skinny girls around, but size doesn't determine beauty. To this day I have never seen my husband look at another woman, no matter what she looked like. He has made it clear to me that I'm the one he thinks is beautiful, and that I'm the one that he wants to be with. I'm sure that Jeff will make you feel the same way. Good luck and I hope that you can chase away those old voices and replace them with new ones that show confidence.

~~Linda

~~Linda

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 11:53am
Shawna...

And you are just as right as Kerry is. Maybe part of the problem is I have never heard those words before. Last time I heard any guy tell me I was pretty was at 18 when I was so angry at him that I wasn't sure what he meant it.

But I am trying to open up. As I said erlier it's a big step for me to call him and let him know I would like to see him. I am far too independent and strong to do this without my natural defenses going up and I am more than willing to blow through them.

I have already kicked around that he should hear why I said yes to the first date to beging with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 11:55am

that aint always true girl ... alot of them say it just cus they want some booty and it dont matter what booty they get LOLLLL


 
 
 
 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 11:59am
Linda...

Ya'll are giving me so much to focus on that is good instead of what grandpa said that I am very grateful. It does me good to hear that your dear hubby still looks at you like the world. And I truly pray ya'll will be doing that at 90 years of age and beyond.

Well, he does like the fact I look like I can have kids with no problem. HE HE HE See ya'll I can still laugh through this.

truly I have not had anyone who has been able to relate to this in my world. I have had to fight these demons on my own and for some reason I am not able to in dealing with this one. I have always been the fluffy one and though I usually got the majority of the boys, I always chalked it up to the boob factor. Hmm, I guess there is very little experience dating the frat scene in college.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 12:02pm
Thanks, Karrie. I'm definitely one of the lucky ones who found someone who sees beyond the fluff and thinks I'm beautiful despite it. I hope that you find that in Jeff. If not, then I know you will find it in someone.

~~Linda

~~Linda

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 12:02pm
He means it, babe. Take the compliment and run. I am in love for the first time ever (just realized it recently, too) and it feels great. It is hard to get used to the positive things he says to me (especially after being single so long, and hearing lots of negative things from myself)... I am happy and excited for you!

-Tina :)

Image hosted by Photobucket.com Abby Lane is

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 12:04pm
Tina, congratulations! That must feel wonderful. I'm very happy for you!

~~Linda

~~Linda

 

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