What is your spouses eating habits?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
What is your spouses eating habits?
75
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 9:57am
Im running into a small problem with my husband and his eating habits lately.

  Shawna-- Proud Cl for 100 Pounds or More to Go 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 9:47pm
I think your missing the point and thinking that Im trying to be overbearing and dictating.

  Shawna-- Proud Cl for 100 Pounds or More to Go 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 7:42am
In my post, I included that I felt this way because of my new views on food. I think anyone who has turned to this board realizes that their past eating patterns were not healthy. I also included the word "EXCESSIVE" with eating, drinking, and smoking. I did not intend to put down anyone here, and I do not feel like I did. I am certainly not chastizing anyone for having a few beers (or your drink of choice), and certainly not for having sex in the privacy of your bedroom... What I did say was that modeling excessive, unhealthy behavior IN FRONT of the children is not responsible parenting.

If you disagree with that, then so be it. I am certainly not changing my mind.

-Tina

Image hosted by Photobucket.com Abby Lane is

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 3:52pm
Hi Tina,

Yes, I do disagree with you. For one thing, the weight/height ratio she gave for her husband doesn't show "excessive" at all, and in fact he's probably STILL less overweight than she is.

What I'm saying, and will continue to say, is that he's not a bad parent because he chooses to eat as he pleases. His obligation to his child involves providing a roof over the boy's head, adequate food on the table, clothes on this back, and yes love. There's no suggestion in Shawna's post that her husband is in any way NOT providing adequately for their child.

Just because she personally has decided to diet DOES NOT MEAN that her husband must, not in order to be a good husband nor to be a good father. And frankly, no where has she said (or even suggested) that this guy is anything less than a loving father and husband. He works all day (I get the impression that his paycheck is the only one coming into the household) and he certainly has the right to buy Krispie cream or cunkin donuts or even girl scout cookies with the money he's earned....if that's what he wants to do. In fact, he has the right to become morbidly obese, or skinny as a rail, if that's what he chooses. That doesn't make him any less of a good parent in my book!

It's nice that Shawna has decided to diet, and that others here (including myself) have done the same. But that doesn't make her choice, or ours, any more-or-less valid than her husband's choice NOT to diet. It's his business, and has no bearing on his parenting whatsoever as long as he provides for the needs of his child. And if he doesn't, well that's a legal matter which frankly was never at issue here. And I suspect it was NEVER at issue because it was NEVER a problem. Shawna didn't say Ike's daddy wasn't a good father to this little boy. I'm sure he is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 4:07pm
Shawna, no I don't think I am missing the point. It's good to be concerned about a husband's health. And you've expressed that concern to him. And he's chosen to eat as he pleases, rather than diet as you please. IMO that should be enough said. I remember reading on another board, "healthy eating expert board" I think it was....about how dieting can change relationships, and NOT ALWAYS for the better. Just because you have lost weight doesn't mean you can or should dictate to your partner that HE should lose weight too...and in fact a persistance along that path could cause problems for you both. I'd hate to see that happen to you, or to any young family for that matter.

He is what he is. Accept that. If your spouse wants to eat, according to you, improperly, then understand he's an adult with free will and that's his choice. It's not a matter of dictating that he change "completely" or change "a little bit." Fact is, no person can really change another person and we can merely make ourselves miserable by trying. The best anyone can do is change themselves (something you say you are doing to yourself), but you really can't change another human being (except, maybe your minor child). Adults just don't work that way.


It's good that you expressed concern about why he ate so many....expressed your concern ONCE that is. But anything beyond that can really erode a relationship, and I'm sure you know that too. Since once upon a time you weighed almost 300 lbs (was it 270ish?) then you know that YOU TOO had to eat massive quantities to get that way. Did he love you anyway? Sure he did! He gave you a child, out of love. And if he had nagged you day in and day out, how much you want to bet your relationship wouldn't have survived as it has! There's a fine line between nagging, and supportive concern. And only you can know for sure when you've crossed that line. I'm just saying, once asking him why is enough. Repeated asking would smack of nagging...and that's not good, not good for you or him or that precious little boy you share.

I understand you don't want to be a widow in your 40s, but I'm saying just be sure of the way you go about it so that you don't become a divorcee and single parent in your 30s. Every person decides, or doesn't decide, to lose weight for themselves. You can't MAKE the guy do that. Be careful about going there. If he wants to, he will. If he doesn't, he won't. Don't hound him about it.


Personally, Shawna, I think smoking when you have a child is even a greater problem (if you're concerned about *modeling*) than obesity is. Either one is not something you want your innocent child to do. So since you can't change another person, and frankly shouldn't even TRY....just change yourself, the way you want to be and the way you want your son to grow. You're losing weight...good. Now, if you want to NOT smoke, stop that. But what your husband does....or does not do....is really up to him, and not you.

Good luck to all three of you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2003
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 4:20pm

Just for the record - you said "but I'm saying just be sure of the way you go about it so that you don't become a divorcee and single parent in your 30s."


There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a divorced or single mother.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 4:21pm
I didn't say there was anything wrong with it. But assuming she's happily married, and would prefer to stay that way?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 4:27pm
with nose wrinkling

are you saying that this individual alluded to divorce from telling you other half to stop eating like a pig????


you have got to be kidding me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2003
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 4:37pm

That's how I read it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 4:38pm
Sometimes the marriage is just so horrid you need to divorce. Nothing GASP socially taboo about it.

Sheesh...talk about asinine reasons to leave a mate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 4:44pm
Amazing, this turn the discussion has taken. But again, for the record, I never said divorce was "a bad thing" nor did I say it was "a good thing." But perhaps it's safe to assume that the OP does not consider it as her personal goal, as nothing in any of her posts even suggests that she wants it at this point in her life.

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