OT: need to vent "long"
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OT: need to vent "long"
| Thu, 03-18-2004 - 11:54pm |
I have a lady that I go to school with she is 24 years older then I am… at first it was a nice friendly relationship we would chat and cut up a little at school then we would chat on the phone her dh just left for Baghdad and she has a really messed up back so can not walk well… the friendship is starting to turn sour for me…
Problem one… If I do not call her everyday I have to hear her complain and I cant get by with short calls because if I try to hang up before at least 30 minutes she gets all defensive now im on a cell phone and she knows that so I use up minutes sitting there listning to her…. If I don’t talk much she gets defensive but how can I talk when she is doing all the talking? I will have to cut in to say something she does it every time I am speaking and I don’t care for that…
Problem two..I always been a fast walker she will complain that I am trying to leave her so I slow down and wait I don’t do it on purpose it’s a habit but she takes it seriously and gets defensive…. She expects me to wait for her at school to walk out to the parking lot with her sometimes its no big deal but when shes doing something and im ready to go then im ready to go yet if I don’t wait she takes it seriously and gets defensive…
Problem three… anything I do or say she thinks im mad at her or in a bad mood or im being hurtful or some kind of negativity half the time I don’t even know what shes talking about but maybe its coming out because I am dreading conversation with her…. And I don’t even know it..
She knew I was going to my families get together for Mardi Gras then going to the parade she asked if she could tag along I had no problem she complained the whole time and anytime I walked over to talk to a family member I was “ditching her” today she got offended because I was already in the school lobby and wouldn’t walk out to the parking lot to walk in with her…the list goes on and on and on everything is taken sooooo personally and to her it’s a personal attack towards her I had slowed down the calls and today she asked if I was mad at her because im not calling her as much and I said no… I just havent been in the mood to talk much��� I know shes lonely and is in a sate where she has no family but her 17 year old son… she has not many friends and I feel sorry for her but the way I am I can not stand being cling to…. I cant stand feeling pressured into something I cant cut all ties because she in one of my classes… right next to me… and we are both on the student government but this is really starting to bring me down I hate even going to school now… how can I break off this friendship nicely so where I can finish out the school year in peace….. The way I am normally I would just tell someone off… I don’t think I can do that in this situation…. I do like the woman and don’t want to hurt her feelings but this is really making me tired… stressed and everything else I am sorry for those of you who read this I know it is long but I just couldn’t help myself lol…. Give me some advice here!!!! pleaseeeee help me lol
Problem one… If I do not call her everyday I have to hear her complain and I cant get by with short calls because if I try to hang up before at least 30 minutes she gets all defensive now im on a cell phone and she knows that so I use up minutes sitting there listning to her…. If I don’t talk much she gets defensive but how can I talk when she is doing all the talking? I will have to cut in to say something she does it every time I am speaking and I don’t care for that…
Problem two..I always been a fast walker she will complain that I am trying to leave her so I slow down and wait I don’t do it on purpose it’s a habit but she takes it seriously and gets defensive…. She expects me to wait for her at school to walk out to the parking lot with her sometimes its no big deal but when shes doing something and im ready to go then im ready to go yet if I don’t wait she takes it seriously and gets defensive…
Problem three… anything I do or say she thinks im mad at her or in a bad mood or im being hurtful or some kind of negativity half the time I don’t even know what shes talking about but maybe its coming out because I am dreading conversation with her…. And I don’t even know it..
She knew I was going to my families get together for Mardi Gras then going to the parade she asked if she could tag along I had no problem she complained the whole time and anytime I walked over to talk to a family member I was “ditching her” today she got offended because I was already in the school lobby and wouldn’t walk out to the parking lot to walk in with her…the list goes on and on and on everything is taken sooooo personally and to her it’s a personal attack towards her I had slowed down the calls and today she asked if I was mad at her because im not calling her as much and I said no… I just havent been in the mood to talk much��� I know shes lonely and is in a sate where she has no family but her 17 year old son… she has not many friends and I feel sorry for her but the way I am I can not stand being cling to…. I cant stand feeling pressured into something I cant cut all ties because she in one of my classes… right next to me… and we are both on the student government but this is really starting to bring me down I hate even going to school now… how can I break off this friendship nicely so where I can finish out the school year in peace….. The way I am normally I would just tell someone off… I don’t think I can do that in this situation…. I do like the woman and don’t want to hurt her feelings but this is really making me tired… stressed and everything else I am sorry for those of you who read this I know it is long but I just couldn’t help myself lol…. Give me some advice here!!!! pleaseeeee help me lol

I understand how you feel. I've had to deal with some "ultra needy" friends too. The thing to remember is that you need to be a friend to yourself first! She's clinging to you like a life preserver and you will go down with her if you don't set some limits. I don't mean you should abandon her....but the friendship must feel good for both of you! I looked up this website for ya. It might give you some insight on how to begin setting limits with your friend. http://cyberparent.com/friendship/limits.htm I hope everything works out for you.
Faith
I feel for you, hon, and I'm trying to think of what I would do. Faith and Shawna have some excellent advice. I would add that maybe you can include a couple other ladies from the class into your "circle" of friends, and maybe they can take the heat off. Who knows, maybe she'll click with another lady and that will be that.
Good luck.
Coffee
Coffee
Go here, it'll help you out!
http://www.ivillage.com/relationships/experts/experts_by_month/articles/0,,166979_566023,00.html
here is a quiz also that is helpful!!
http://www.ivillage.com/relationships/tools/quizcentral/articles/0,,187454_251982,00.html
GOOD LUCK! I know this kind of friend girl, YOU DON'T NEED IT!!! Sara
Edited 3/19/2004 12:13 pm ET ET by sayruhb02